I dont want my family at my wedding!

poet123

I don'tthink you have to have a big wedding either, but you could just have immediate family, parents and siblings.

I did have a big wedding,in a stately home! with probably 200 guests,and I still remember it with pleasure 28 years on. It was a real family and friends occasion, and I enjoyed every moment of a day which went by much too quickly. I replicated the guest list (aside fromt hose who had passed away) for my 40th birthday, and the guests there were still talking about our wedding and what a great day it had been.


Of course this way is not for everyone, and as long as my sons invite their closest family. I dont care, where they choose to get married, who else is there, or who sits where, or the detail of all the other arrangements.

Bitsy_Beans

poet123 wrote: »

I don'tthink you have to have a big wedding either, but you could just have immediate family, parents and siblings.

I did have a big wedding,in a stately home! with probably 200 guests,and I still remember it with pleasure 28 years on. It was a real family and friends occasion, and I enjoyed every moment of a day which went by much too quickly. I replicated the guest list (aside fromt hose who had passed away) for my 40th birthday, and the guests there were still talking about our wedding and what a great day it had been.


Of course this way is not for everyone, and as long as my sons invite their closest family. I dont care, where they choose to get married, who else is there, or who sits where, or the detail of all the other arrangements.

I was actually back in work the Tuesday following our wedding as we didn't go on honeymoon until several days later. It was so nice because work friends had gone and everyone was saying what a great day it had been. All my family were ringing my mum to tell her how much they'd enjoyed the day etc. had I eloped and done it on my own no one would have been able to say that.

Snuggles

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

As a mother I can only hope that my children think enough of me to be able to watch them make their vows to their prospective spouses.

Hi Bitsy Beans, I appreciate your viewpoint, but if I choose to get married without my parents there, it will have nothing at all to do with me not thinking enough of them. I hope my family think enough of me to respect and support my choice.

I guess some people will see it as selfish that someone might choose to get married without their close family present, but to me it seems selfish of parents/family to expect that they should be there and to make the couple feel guilty if that's not what they want.

Bitsy_Beans

Snuggles wrote: »

Hi Bitsy Beans, I appreciate your viewpoint, but if I choose to get married without my parents there, it will have nothing at all to do with me not thinking enough of them. I hope my family think enough of me to respect and support my choice.

I guess some people will see it as selfish that someone might choose to get married without their close family present, but to me it seems selfish of parents/family to expect that they should be there and to make the couple feel guilty if that's not what they want.

I don't think that parents should make you feel guilty but if you love them why wouldn't you want them there? I think to elope on your own is quite a lonely thing to do. A wedding is a celebration of a commitment so why only celebrate on your own
I guess now I have children of my own I can stand in my mums shoes and see why she would have been devasted to not be able to be a witness to a pretty big deal in my life. I'd feel the same about my own children. It's not about expecting but most parents take some interest and pride in what their children do and to be shut out from something like that I can see would be hurtful.
Perhaps since I'd been living with my H for 7 years as an engaged couple we had passed the stage where we might be wrapped up in each other. Plus if I want to party it's always best with a crowd

poet123

The thing is though, and I am really not trying to cause offence here, but whatever they may say about your decision not to invite them, however much they bite their tongues, and make the right noises, they will be deeply hurt. I think that you may understand that more if, and when, you have children,(not trying to be patronising here either btw).

If any of my sons came to me and said they and their girlfriends had decided that no one was attending thier wedding, I would respect their decision, and in the interests of family harmony not let them see my true feelings of hurt.

Why does it seem selfish to want to share in, (certainly not take over ) one of the happiest days of the life of a child you have loved and nurtured?

I guess we will have to agree to disagree

Bitsy_Beans

poet123 wrote: »

The thing is though, and I am really not trying to cause offence here, but whatever they may say about your decision not to invite them, however much they bite their tongues, and make the right noises, they will be deeply hurt. I think that you may understand that more if, and when, you have children,(not trying to be patronising here either btw).

If any of my sons came to me and said they and their girlfriends had decided that no one was attending thier wedding, I would respect their decision, and in the interests of family harmony not let them see my true feelings of hurt.

Why does it seem selfish to want to share in, (certainly not take over ) one of the happiest days of the life of a child you have loved and nurtured?

I guess we will have to agree to disagree

What I was trying to say only you did it better!
I am not advocating mothers and MIL etc taking over the planning in any shape or form I am just advocating including your nearest and dearest (and that doesn't necessarily mean family just those that are special to you) in the start of your married life.

Soubrette

I would be very upset if I am not invited to either of my daughters weddings but I would be more upset if they put on a wedding that was not their dream because they wanted to fulfil what they thought was mine.

I come from an extremely disfunctional though not abusive family though:p

Sou

poet123

I agree, it must be their day, I had total control over my day, and would expect my kids to do the same.

Callisto

I can see both sides of the family versus non family attendance argument here as originally we were going to have the UK wedding, with about 50 guests. However, we've been engaged for 5 years and haven't been able to save anywhere near enough for the wedding day we wanted, and we wouldn't get a honeymoon.

So recently we've been talking about going abroad to get married, and having a reception when we return. I can see how people may call us selfish but I agree with OP that the wedding is for the couple, and it's taken us so long to save up that we begrudge paying it out on food and drink for relatives we don't get on with. Don't get me started on my step family, I've never got on with them and they would 'expect' an invite, and my stepdad would probably never forgive me if I left them out. He also said I shouldn't invite my real Dad as he is a waste of space (even though I have no contact anyway!) I really don't see why ANYONE should dictate to me what I should do.

I'd be very willing for our Mums to come out and see the ceremony, but unfortunately OH's Mum has refused to fly, so it will be my Mum, I'm even going to offer her something towards her flight or accommodation - everyone else will have to wait for the party!

Soubrette

poet123 wrote: »

I agree, it must be their day, I had total control over my day, and would expect my kids to do the same.

Yep, even if that means that, in the end, I'm not invited.

I'd rather have them excited about the whole wedding/marriage thing even if it is without me rather than stressed and fed up because they don't want to upset me.

I do think that the wedding is a day and the marriage is the important thing - but the wedding is the beginning and I want my daughters to start their marriage on a day that feels really positive and special for them, even if that's incomprehensible to me.

Sou