I dont want my family at my wedding!

poet123

As I said previously, I would keep my opinions to myself,but I would be very hurt. Especially, if as in some cases mentioned, the girls parents were attending. I have all boys so am destined to become the MIL, so often disparaged by posters.:eek:

BuddyBonthenet

I think some nails have been hit on the head with a lot of the recent posts.

When I hear about people spending £20000+ on their wedding and bride's dresses costing £3000 I think the world has gone mad!

I'm sure the cost of a wedding can be a big factor in deciding to get married abroad!

We all know it isn't necessary to spend loads of money on a wedding, but if when you start looking at bridal magazines you would never think that was the case! :eek:

I'd go as far as saying the increase in the popularity of weddings abroad is mainly (not only!) down to two things -

1. The cost - so many couples pay for the wedding themselves now
2. It can be an easy way to escape making decisions about 'difficult' family 'issues' - and imho this does involve an increasing degree of selfishness.

I agree with poet123 - as I said in my earlier post I'll bet lots of family members (particularly parents) might seem to 'go along' with the decision to exclude them, but secretly they will be hurt.

Snuggles

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I don't think that parents should make you feel guilty but if you love them why wouldn't you want them there? I think to elope on your own is quite a lonely thing to do. A wedding is a celebration of a commitment so why only celebrate on your own

Well why not? The day will be about me and my OH, no one else, and we will celebrate it in our own way. Perhaps it's partly an age thing too, I am 35, so I have lived an independant life for a long time. Perhaps if I was 25 and had just left home I might feel different.

I also know that my parents wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if I turned up one day and said "by the way, me and OH got married yesterday". In fact they would probably be delighted that I'd finally tied the knot and they hadn't had to sit through yet another wedding (my siblings have all been married more than once!). You might find that hard to believe but all families are different and what suits some doesn't suit others.

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Plus if I want to party it's always best with a crowd

Funnily enough, I am the complete opposite. I have never enjoyed large gatherings, be it with family or friends, and I have always been like that. When I go out, it's with just one or two people, anymore and I find it draining and stressful. I don't want to feel I have to do something which isn't comfortable for me on my wedding day, just because it's expected. I'm pretty sure my parents would rather I enjoyed the day.

snowmaid

BuddyBonthenet wrote: »

I think some nails have been hit on the head with a lot of the recent posts.

When I hear about people spending £20000+ on their wedding and bride's dresses costing £3000 I think the world has gone mad!

I'm sure the cost of a wedding can be a big factor in deciding to get married abroad!

We all know it isn't necessary to spend loads of money on a wedding, but if when you start looking at bridal magazines you would never think that was the case! :eek:

I'd go as far as saying the increase in the popularity of weddings abroad is mainly (not only!) down to two things -

1. The cost - so many couples pay for the wedding themselves now
2. It can be an easy way to escape making decisions about 'difficult' family 'issues' - and imho this does involve an increasing degree of selfishness.

I agree with poet123 - as I said in my earlier post I'll bet lots of family members (particularly parents) might seem to 'go along' with the decision to exclude them, but secretly they will be hurt.

I cannot belive the expense people go to when getting married. It is a total rip off! They are being sucked in by having the best dress, the best wedding planner, the most original this, most expensive that, (well, maybe in that case they deserve the costs! :cool:). But if one hires a hall, decorates it and either do the catering yourself or have caterers do it, you can put on a darn nice spread and have fun.

Only supply beer and wine, any hard tack they can buy themselves. The more free booze you offer, the more they drink. :rolleyes:

Soubrette

poet123 wrote: »

As I said previously, I would keep my opinions to myself,but I would be very hurt. Especially, if as in some cases mentioned, the girls parents were attending. I have all boys so am destined to become the MIL, so often disparaged by posters.:eek:

Of course I cannot imagine how I'd feel if everyone else was invited but I wasn't :eek:

:eek::eek::eek:

Now that would be harsh

Sou

tiamai_d

Similar but different.

For my wedding I wanted a quick registry office job, family meal afterwards and DH and I to have the evening to ourselves. DH agreed that he wanted this too.

Due to pressure from family (mainly his) we ended up with the registry office, meal and horrid disco afterwards where DH and I ended up arguing over him doing his usual of sodding off leaving me on my own all night. I don't drink and HATE big parties like that. Everyone did exactly what I knew they would do and got steaming drunk then started fighting.

I hated it and honestly have no good memories about the day at all. Love being married (most of the time) hated getting married.

Don't let anyone spoil your day.

POSSETTE

I say do it abroad as in my previous post,and limit the time they are with you,and book different hotels etc..
BUT i think i must be in a hypocritical view.
I got married (my first DH second time) in Reg office with both set of parents.Didnt want all and sundry watching etc.Plus it was kept secret from everyone,so we couldnt tell DH daughters aged 6and 10 at the time,as they would have blabbed to thier mum and spread it about..so they didnt come.When we told the girls,eldset loved it, and so did youngest but she did cry a bit also.We just couldnt trust them to keep it quiet.
But years on...youngest daughter,now knows how i felt, and has just got married last month without anyone but her best friend there! I feel she could have at least asked her dad along!!.we asked our parents. Is that hypocritical?
OP does have a child, does she expect to go to her wedding?
God its a minefeild isnt it!

lostinrates

tiamai_d wrote: »

Similar but different.

For my wedding I wanted a quick registry office job, family meal afterwards and DH and I to have the evening to ourselves. DH agreed that he wanted this too.

Due to pressure from family (mainly his) we ended up with the registry office, meal and horrid disco afterwards where DH and I ended up arguing over him doing his usual of sodding off leaving me on my own all night. I don't drink and HATE big parties like that. Everyone did exactly what I knew they would do and got steaming drunk then started fighting.

I hated it and honestly have no good memories about the day at all. Love being married (most of the time) hated getting married.

Don't let anyone spoil your day.

I find that so sad. In contrast, I have only happy memories of my wedding day.

We plan to have a big celebration when we buy a home: which for outward appearance will be a bigger change than when we married. However, at the rate we are going its likely to be a 10th anniversary bash .

BuddyBonthenet

snowmaid wrote: »

I cannot belive the expense people go to when getting married. It is a total rip off! They are being sucked in by having the best dress, the best wedding planner, the most original this, most expensive that, (well, maybe in that case they deserve the costs! ). But if one hires a hall, decorates it and either do the catering yourself or have caterers do it, you can put on a darn nice spread and have fun.

Only supply beer and wine, any hard tack they can buy themselves. The more free booze you offer, the more they drink.

Sucked in is right although I don't necessarily think you have to do lots of things yourself, just be realistic about how much you will spend on each thing. So many people end up in debt through paying for their special day.

tiamai_d wrote: »

...Due to pressure from family (mainly his) we ended up with the registry office, meal and horrid disco afterwards where DH and I ended up arguing over him doing his usual of sodding off leaving me on my own all night. I don't drink and HATE big parties like that. Everyone did exactly what I knew they would do and got steaming drunk then started fighting.

I hated it and honestly have no good memories about the day at all. Love being married (most of the time) hated getting married...

What a shame.

As I said before my parents were in the middle of their divorce when we got married and I was worried about something similar happening, so we did go off on our honeymoon in the early evening and the wedding party split into to two groups (my Mum or Dad!) for the evening. I know that sounds strange but it worked really well and they had two great parties without us!

POSSETTE wrote: »

I say do it abroad as in my previous post,and limit the time they are with you,and book different hotels etc..
BUT i think i must be in a hypocritical view.
I got married (my first DH second time) in Reg office with both set of parents.Didnt want all and sundry watching etc.Plus it was kept secret from everyone,so we couldnt tell DH daughters aged 6and 10 at the time,as they would have blabbed to thier mum and spread it about..so they didnt come.When we told the girls,eldset loved it, and so did youngest but she did cry a bit also.We just couldnt trust them to keep it quiet.
But years on...youngest daughter,now knows how i felt, and has just got married last month without anyone but her best friend there! I feel she could have at least asked her dad along!!.we asked our parents. Is that hypocritical?
OP does have a child, does she expect to go to her wedding?
God its a minefeild isnt it!

Ooops! :eek: Did you say anything to your daughter?

I think we are thinking along the same lines about what the OP could do.

Bitsy_Beans

Snuggles wrote: »

Well why not? The day will be about me and my OH, no one else, and we will celebrate it in our own way. Perhaps it's partly an age thing too, I am 35, so I have lived an independant life for a long time. Perhaps if I was 25 and had just left home I might feel different.

I also know that my parents wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if I turned up one day and said "by the way, me and OH got married yesterday". In fact they would probably be delighted that I'd finally tied the knot and they hadn't had to sit through yet another wedding (my siblings have all been married more than once!). You might find that hard to believe but all families are different and what suits some doesn't suit others.



Funnily enough, I am the complete opposite. I have never enjoyed large gatherings, be it with family or friends, and I have always been like that. When I go out, it's with just one or two people, anymore and I find it draining and stressful. I don't want to feel I have to do something which isn't comfortable for me on my wedding day, just because it's expected. I'm pretty sure my parents would rather I enjoyed the day.

I don't find it hard to believe (quite frankly I can believe most things regarding family these days) BUT I admit I don't understand it.
I am not sure why you sound so narked at me, perhaps I am reading too much into the "tone" of your posts BUT I think we can agree to disgree and leave it at that.