I dont want my family at my wedding!

UKTigerlily

I think you must do what's right for you, *if* I ever chose to marry (I think hell may freeze over first) i'd not want anyone there, it's *your* day not theirs

jenhug

just tell them you have put the wedding off because of the credit crunch, book your "holiday" get wed while you are out there and have a party when you get back if you want one.

This is about your marriage, don't let people interfere in the beginning, or they will always think they have the right!

snowmaid

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I don't understand this, they have each other to share it with. Why do they need anyone else?

I am like the OP, I see marriage as a private commitment, not a public statement. I wouldn't want to get married with people staring at me and I would rather have no wedding than one that I felt depressed about because people forced me to do things I didn't want to do.

That is your choice of course and one you are entitled to. Your question of ' why would they need anyone else' is strange. Noone is an island. Unless one has had an extremely bad upbringing, your parents will undoubtly be in your life.

I wouldn't have thought that having one's parent's there was a public statement, but rather them witnessing and sharing in a very important time in their child's life. I wouldn't have thought of parent's being present as 'people staring at you'...I find this comment strange to be honest.

poet123

I agree,I think that those who do not want their parents,close family at their wedding have other unresolved issues. All families have their differences,but thankfully those I am involved with get past those and are there for each other through thick and thin.

I fully appreciate that this expereince is not universal,but if you have had a good,or reasonably good upbringing,surely sharing your special day is the norm?

UKTigerlily

Is it so hard to believe that some people, no matter how close to their family, might want it to be between themselves & their OH? Maybe they don't like doing things in front of people too, so what? It's still THEIR day

poet123

It is hard for me to understand, yes,....after the wedding day there are years of being alone together. Why not share the magic? I find it quite odd tbh.

moneysaver12

I would go with option one. Me and my fiance are going to antigua in september to get married and it will just be the two of us. My parents and brother and sister and my fiance family were invited but can't afford to come. We are ok about it and do understand and our families are ok about not been there. We were going to have a wedding over here orginally but it would have been to expensive so decided to go aboard and not we can't wait and we don't mind it just been the two of us. To us its our day and its about us showing our comitment to each other.

We are going to have a meal for family and friends when we come back. We thought about a party but thats extra expense we can't afford.

moneysaver12

poet123 wrote: »

It is hard for me to understand, yes,....after the wedding day there are years of being alone together. Why not share the magic? I find it quite odd tbh.

I understand everyone has their own views. To me a wedding is not about everyone else it is about the couple they are the ones getting married and showing their comitment to each other. I know somone who is getting married a couple of months before us and she wishes that they were going aboard as they are not looking foward to familes falling out etc, other people i have spoken to say that either they wish that they had gone aboard or when they get married they will get married aboard. One friend wanted to go aboard but was under pressure by family to get married in the uk, i think its unfair for other people to be putting pressure on the couple.

jollymummy

It's your day, so do what you want. I'd take lots of photos and take everyone out for a meal or have a party when you get home.

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

It is hard for me to understand, yes,....after the wedding day there are years of being alone together. Why not share the magic? I find it quite odd tbh.

For me a controlled small wedding with our closest family and friends would have been ideal. It didn't work out that way though, and thats great too . But the post above made me reflect on why our choice really worked for us: I don't see the rest of our marriage as being time alone for us, purely anyway, I see it as time in which we are facing the same challenges, providing the same support and being s involved with other fmily stuff as before, but doing it together, almost absolutely the opposite to the, most commonly held, perspective, as peot 123 very clearly and accurately states it. For me, our life goes on and our union makes us able to offer our respective families the same as before we were married as indiciduals, but also our new combined dynamic and is not something removed from the families, even if our actual wedding was.

Similarly of course, it isn't unreasonable to expect some give from the couple to their families, but I don't think this should lead to disagreements and discomfort. OP clearly indicated that all is not easy in the family arrangements, this is not something of OPs making and miht be something she sees as not enhancing to her family. I'd be loathe too under those circumstances, to have a big gathering and put a brave but false face on it, if I felt things could be dealt with more pleasurably and genuinely in a non-conventional way. I do however think it is a politic move to have both families or none at the ''day'' itself. Otherwise it is bound to cause resentment.

Good luck OP, whatever you decide, have a lovely day, but more importantly I wish you a strong and fulfilling marriage