I dont want my family at my wedding!

mspig

Our wedding was a bit one sided as i didn't want all the relatives that i hadn't seen in years there so i only had my immediate family(mum, dad, two sisters and their OH's and their kids), but my OH wanted all his family there so he had uncles, aunts, cousins aswell as immediate family there, so it was like 13 people on my side and around 50 on his. Then at the reception i invited 3 close friends and their partners whilst my OH invited everyone from friends to work collegues.
If i could do it all again in would remove all the people invited and just go off and do it with just me and OH as it wasen't a nice day as his family kicked off with each other, got drunk, fell down stairs and his brother made a right mess of the honeymoon suite with crushed crisps everywhere and for some reason black bags dangling all over.

mountainofdebt

Floss wrote: »

Why not have the dream wedding with just you 3, and then have a church blessing afterwards when you get home, with a party afterwards.......then the families get a "wedding" and you get what you want?

Exactly what I was thinking!

ella_ella_ella

You need to do what you want to do, not what you think you should do just to keep people happy - its YOUR wedding!

We got married last November after being together 10 years, my husbands family have never spoken to me in all this time until I was pregnant but even then my daughter received nothing for her birth, christening, first christmas, first birthday or easter and his sister NEVER asked about her when she phoned just after she was born.

I have been civil to his mother when she visited and have sent her a few photo's, but I didnt want any of his family at the wedding so we just didnt invite them (or tell them) we did receive phone calls telling us how upset they all were but I couldnt care less they are not part of mine or my daughers family. That might sound harsh but when somebody does even acknoledge you or your child - their grandchild and neice - can they really expect a invite? :rolleyes:

We had a lovely day with my close family and a few friends, about 15 people in total. Hubby now see's his family the same way I do ever since we had our daughter.

Anyway have a lovely wedding

Evansangel

Im not inviting my extended family to my wedding as i dont ever speak to any of them and at every family party they get drunk and start fights, which is not on.

When i first introduced OH to them at a family party, my cousin got drunk and upset me and when OH tried to tell him he upset me, the whole family said that OH was trying to start a fight! lol.

So im not inviting them, no matter how many times they say "we're family, we dont have to see each other to be family.." to me.

When my sister mentioned to my mum im not inviting them she said "well i wont come if they dont" so if she says it to me i'll simply say "well dont come then, if you want to miss your daughters big day because of your own selfishness then thats your problem"

She already tried to do it with my engagment party.

As im paying for my own wedding i feel that no one can have a say (except OH of course lol)

Just explain how you feel to her, and i second all the people that said have a party afterwards

x x

tori.k

Its your day,not your families.....but me and hubby did the "just the two of us" in Mauritius it is my only regret...sometimes it just seems easier to run off then have the hassle.
But it will always be my biggest regret, i turned into a bag of nerves and wanted my mum there with me,i never felt so alone then on my wedding day,TBH i dont feel like i ever really got married (not that it changes your life in any way really)
i will always regret not having a really small civil sevices.
so please think long and hard about escaping as i would hate for anyone to feel the way i do about my own wedding, have a fantastic day whatever you decide....

snowmaid

May I speak as a Mother of a daughter? (And at the potential criticisms of people on here)...:rolleyes:

I realise that it is not all roses in most families, and a lot worse in others. I know that some parents have been cruel and hurtful towards their children and in such cases can understand children not wanting parents in their lives.

But, if you have had a reasonably good upbringing, with your mom and dad /or mom or dad, having been present throughout your life, that parent will be looking forward to sharing your wedding day.

While it may not always have been perfect, that parent has been there for you, day in and day out. They nursed you when sick, they helped you with school work, they, in general sacrificed most things for you, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.

No, I agree that this was their choice, but their child, while you are not obiligated to repay them, to shut them out of a milestone and something so special in one's life, is a slap in the face.

We are naturally selfish as children and with our parent's guidance, hopefully we learn to consider and think of others. As adults, we should have reached the stage to comprehend what our actions will do to others and that sometimes we have to make compromises.

I understand as far as extended family is concerned, but while it sounds all romantic and you have probably been influenced by the sound of beautiful movies that look so romantic, the reality is that after the service you will have absolutely noone to share it with, you will be left looking at eachother and you will regret it.

Don't take away this special moment in any parent's life.

Good luck.

xmaslolly76

Could your parents just go for the week instead of the whole time ?

POSSETTE

I kind of see where the above post from a mother is coming from...but then you can turn it on its head and say,Would any loving parent make thier child have the wedding they dread/do not want?
I hated the thought of walking down an aisle to loads of faces,so we just bugged off and got married,admittedly with both sets of parents but that was all really. No one at work knew,but i did have a party 3 weeks later for everyone and ,yes, you get to wear your dress again!
I would tell them its just you 3 going, and that you would like a party on the return,and give the parents some funding so they can organise it for you.Keeping them busy! You can display all your photos there too.
If they insist on coming,perhaps you could go for 3weeks,getting married in the second week,and the other people only come for the middle week, so you are alone for the weeks before and after. Possibly even book into separate hotels, explaining you need privacy afterwards to be togther.

Ephemera

I'm not sure of the law, but I know that if you get married in some countries you have to sign the register here in the UK for it to be legal...

So why not get the best of both worlds...Get married here in a registry office with your family, AND do your dream wedding elsewhere on your own?

Just a thought...

sportbeth

Thought I should offer my twopenneth,

I got married 18 months ago on a very teeny tiny island in the seychelles. We decided very selfishly that we didn't want to spend 12k+ getting married in the UK, so we spent all the cash on a 5 star luxury two resort weddingmoon (weeks safari then onto the Seychelles to get married)

Both our families were fine about it. His mum was a little bit disappointed, my family were happy for us doing what we wanted to do. I insisted on the full white wedding dress (even though it was hot, humid and I nearly keeled over in it.) The resort were brilliant with everything, all the planning, the wedding photos were amazing and we had a private dinner on the beach on our wedding night all laid on by the hotel staff.

When we got back we had a small party for family and friends in a local pub where I wore the dress and we cut the cake etc.

18 months down the line I regret my decision. I wish I had got married in front of all my family and friends, had the day that everyone else talks about and despite my amazing photos on the mantlepiece and everyone telling me they wish they'd done what I did, I can't bear to go to other peoples weddings as I'm so full of regret and I feel jealous of their day.

Its a really horrible admission to make, but I wish I'd put my foot down when my partner was so adamant on doing this and waited until we could have agreed fairly between us before I went ahead. On reflection I'd rather have waited two years for us to decide on what we were doing rather than rushing in to get married according to one preference for the sake of it.

Don't get me wrong, my relationship with my husband is amazing and I don't being with him for one second, but like the other poster who went off abroad, I don't feel married.

Think long and hard about what you do and if you can't decide, give yourself a year to chill out and think again. As everyone says its the most important day in a girls life, please don't look back on it with sadness like I do because once you've done it, you can never do it again.