I dont want my family at my wedding!

myothercarisaferrari

aw hun, what a rubbish situation.

OH and I have discussed what we will do if we ever get married. he comes from a big tradional family where I rarely see my mum and I havent seen my dad for years (both through personal choice) so my ideal wedding would be on a beach with my best friend and his best friend. He doesnt want to do this and is adamant it will be a big church wedding with hundreds of people.....I'm not religious and I dont see marriage as anything to do with God but a lifetime pact between two people who love each other....

Do whatver you feel comfortable with. its YOUR day.

claire1234

this thread should come with some sort of voting

anyway i vote option 1
my reasons - dont have any hypercrits runining your day,
- its your special day, make it your way not having to think " oh will the mother in law enjoy this cafe " and so on
- you only get to enjoy the special day once so go for it!

enjoy yourself

remembered_nights

Aaaaargh horrible situation! I am tempted to say run off and do it your own way... I can't stand most of my extended family and have often thought with horror what my wedding day could be like :eek:

Sparky09

Definitly opt for option 1. It's your special day so do what it takes to make it special for you. I had the dilemma of inviting my dad, opted not too and barely gave it two seconds thought on the day or since the wedding. Don't think about it too much or you will make the problem seem much bigger than it originally was. I'd suggest just going on a summer holiday to St.Lucia and just come back with the news. Hope all goes well :beer:

Savvy_Sue

ailuro2 wrote: »

Say you've decided it's not fair to put pressure on people to spend that kind of money, what with the credit crunch and everything, that you would feel too guilty to realx and enjoy it when other people were spending their money to be there....and also that your sis doesn't have the money to come and it is all family or none.....

I think it's HIS sis, but make sure she's on side with this story. Hopefully she's not been saving like mad for a dream holiday on St Lucia ...

But there's a more fundamental problem, and that's that you don't want to upset anybody. Can't be done, someone will ALWAYS be upset. However, I've found that it's better to get it over and done with, and then move on. Upset them, apologise, don't justify it, move on (even if they don't!)

If necessary, TELL your parents that you decided against having everyone at your wedding in St Lucia, because two weeks in their company is not your idea of fun. Certainly tell them that your OH refused to countenance the idea. Blaming your OH is always worthwhile, as long as you maintain a united front about it. :rotfl:

beautyqueen88

Thanks for all your replies, i'm still mulling it over though in the back of my mind i just know im going to have to tell them we'd rather do it alone.

my parents have done alot for me but the more i think about it the more i realise that so many decisions i have made and things i have done have been based around what i know would please them, in the back of mind im always thinking what would keep them happy and yet my dad always has something to moan about and something is never good enough for him and i wont be able to relax while they are there.

The final straw was when 2 of HIS friends who have been around since i was a child, (the type your made to call 'auntie & uncle so n so' yet there no relation whatsoever) last came to see him they asked when it was because they were deffinitly coming!! whatever happened to being invited? he knows i've never liked them but said he couldn't say no to them because he didn't want to offend them?? so that would be them and their kids coming! no thankyou. can't believe he would just let them come along to keep them happy when it's our wedding why on earth should i have them there. He knew how we wanted it to be and haveing a family there who are practically strangers was not part of it.

I guess i have my own views on what marriage is about and its not a very religious one, so it caught me off gaurd when my dad asked if he was 'giving me away' that part had never crossed my mind i also just saw me trotting down beach with the sunset behind me and DD following as my little flowergirl.i know many will disagree but i feel its a rather old fashioned gesture and i don't feel it's neccesary. I think if i explain to my parents that its not a traditional religious ceromony then maybe they won't feel like there missing out so much and we would be having a huge party for everyone when we come back anyway so i could leave my mum with an extravagent list of things to arrange for that make sure i keep her busy. I may not want everyone at my wedding but i do know how to throw a party

I can't help but feel a little bad about it though so im still considering perhaps staying on the opposite end of the island to them and just meet for the wedding day or maybe a twin centre holiday where we would only have to stay there a week then go somewhere else but i dont know how much that would cost and i don't know if OH would be up for it so i'll look into it. I never imagined planning a wedding would be such a nightmare!!

Thanks for all your advice

ailuro2

Have a family holiday another time, but don't let them ruin your weddingmoon.;)

As for letting people you've not invited tag along, you really need to sit them down and tell them it's just not on....

lavidaloca

Why are your parents and others coming to the wedding anyway? Have you already invited them or do they automatically think they are attending? Do they know they will be responsible for their fares/hotel etc.?

Floss

Why not have the dream wedding with just you 3, and then have a church blessing afterwards when you get home, with a party afterwards.......then the families get a "wedding" and you get what you want?

Becles

I've been married twice. I had the big white wedding thing which was basically my Mam's wedding as she organised it all and I felt pushed out. I was only allowed to invite two friends to the sit down meal in the afternoon and I had a limited number for the evening do which meant I wasn't able to invite everyone that I wanted to. Various distant relatives were invited who I'd not seen for years and while they were speaking to me, I was thinking "who the hell are you?" Mam claimed all these distant relatives would be offended, but I didn't know them and contact was none existant - they didn't even send birthday/Christmas cards to me and I didn't send to them either. The evening do was most annoying as the relatives were invited to both bits, but most were elderly and stayed for the buffet then went home. If I'd been allowed to invite my friends, at least they would have stayed for the disco and dancing.

I got divorced and married again and wanted to do it my way. I fancied the carribbean beach wedding and considered jetting off. However I didn't fancy having my parents and other relatives in tow for a two week holiday. My Gran and his grandparents (all in their 80's) wouldn't have travelled abroad and they would have been gutted to miss it.

Decided it was better to get married in Scotland so the close relatives and friends we wanted to attend could be there. We made a weekend of it and everyone really enjoyed it. Then we jetted off to Mexico for a honeymoon and had a fabulous time.

When we were in Mexico, our hotel did weddings. However, they just shuffled some sunloungers along, and you got married on the beach among semi naked people sprawled on sunloungers, children building sandcastles and play ball, and the usual beach activity. The reception meal was just the same AI meals as everyone else, in a roped off section of one of the restaurants. Do check what you are getting for your wedding abroad, as I wouldn't have liked to have been married in the hotel we stayed in as it just didn't seem that special at all.