When to start dating again?

k2tog

NAR wrote: »

Yes we are and you will never fathom us out!

Ah, but when you get the hang of it, some are relatively simple

whitewing

k2tog wrote: »

Ah, but when you get the hang of it, some are relatively simple

Yes, it's not that we'll ever understand you all, but we can begin to predict the behaviour!

Taye, hope you're okay xxx

Taye

I'm really confused

not sure what happened but i think Dave split up with me?

He rang last night, he was really wierd on the phone kept saying that he really liked me, but didn't think he was what i needed right now and that he thought we should back off?

I asked if i'd done something wrong, he said no it "was him" whatever thats supposed to mean, i tried to get some some of reason out of him but he just kept repeating that he wasnt want i needed? i tried to point out that what i needed was my decision? but he really wasn't listening, just kept saying that he didn't want to hurt me bt he couldn't give me what i needed.

I asked if by "back up" he ment stop compleatly and he said "yes he thought it was for the best??"

Im totally baffled?? i guess the weekend/friday didn't go as well as i thought?

whitewing

Taye,

It has been an intense couple of weeks for you. I know you really like Dave. I am sure he really likes you. He may be finding it all very hard to deal with.

Try not to worry, try not to be hurt, try not to think to hard. Have a little faith in the universe (hard I know) and trust that it will all work out okay.

Give Dave some space to miss you. I guarantee he will. He may not want to take things further at the moment, but that's his choice. You have not done anything wrong. You did everything right. It was part of your fate to meet Dave. I know it hurts right now, but try to carry on. Think about the good bits of the weekend, and don't worry. It will all come right in the end somehow, and you will be at peace with the situation. You take care today and I'll be back this evening to see how your day went.

Steel_2

I'm really sorry to hear that taye.

Just a thought, but dave isn't on the MSE board is he? Is there any possibility he's found this thread?

If not, it sounds like he's a bit freaked out. It got a bit real at the weekend and all of a sudden he's realised this could get very serious and he's a bit scared that's all.

Keep strong and let him have all the space he needs. Don't email him, phone or text him for a while. Let him have his life without you in it so he misses you a bit and wonders what you're doing without him. Give him the time he needs for a careful think through everything.

In the meantime, concentrate on you, keeping yourself fit and healthy, and making yourself look and feel good. If you see him down the gym, keep your head up, be polite and warm, but don't initiate conversations about it.

I know this sounds like an impossible thing to do, but give it a try.

jinky67

Taye,

I think Dave has just been a bit overwhelmed by everything you told, and he is maybe worried about you getting hurt. Not through anything bad, he is sounds like he is thinking too much. I know someone else who did that:rolleyes: but we talked and talked and talked and now things are cool.

I agree with the others about giving him some space to think about things, easier said than done ( believe me I know:cool: ) Just keep things friendly if you see him at the gym and if he contacts you answer him, but give him space to come to terms with all that you told him. After all it was some pretty serious stuff you shared with him, I know that i would probably have been a bit *freaked* out by it all too.

Just remember we are all here to give you the benefit of our years of experience:rotfl::rotfl:

I am sure he will be back, but if not, you pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and move on.

bevan840

rosepink1984 wrote: »

Taye, one thing I learned when I went on holiday for the first time with my DH (then my boyfriend) was that things would be really good and we seemed really close, and then he would go all distant and want some space. I think it's a man thing, sometimes they just need a bit of space. I say "he's gone off into his cave" for a while, and I just leave DH to it, and he comes back out when he's ready!

You've read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus haven't you? lol

I agree with everyone Taye. He has got a lot of thoughts whizzing around his head right now with what you've told him and he's just trying to digest and arrange them in his head. Give him some space, don't ring, text etc If you feel the need to text or ring come on here and I'm sure someone will be around to talk It's a very popular thread A good book to read is the one I mentioned above, if you can find it in a library, it's suprising how true it all is! :rotfl:

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye,

I have a few possibilities for what is going on for Dave; speaking from an objective point of view which I would urge you to bear in mind:

1) He doesn't want to deal with all your baggage and has decided it's too complicated for him so he's doing what is best for him (which may or may not work out as he expects, depending on how strong his feelings are for you).

2) Having broken up with him yourself last week, he thinks he is doing you a favour by ending it. Interestingly my husband did this very early on in our relationship during a heavy chat one drunken night because he thought this was where I was headed (quite the contrary actually) and wanted to make it easy for me. He thought he was being considerate, I went hysterical! All ended well.

3) He does really really like you but is having trouble coming to terms with what you told him. Maybe he is slightly angry with you for putting up with the situation (if you did) or making such a poor choice in partner to begin with (remember I'm not speaking personally). I have no idea what you told him, so am only trying to help put forward ideas of maybes. Alternatively, could he think you are giving him mixed messages and is confused about whether you do actually want him or not?

Personally, whilst I would give him space, it would not be without laying all my cards out in a last conversation/letter/text. I would tell him that you suspect you scared him off although you only told him what you did to explain why you needed the physical side of your relationship to move slowly. Tell him you are not made of china, will not break and are not a mental fruitcake! You now feel rejected by your own honesty. Let him know that you disagree with him and whether or not he is what you need, he is what you WANT. Ask him to reconsider if he does like you as much as he said he did. Or was it just a big game for him; thrill of the chase, in which case you feel rightly hurt and angry!

Good luck Taye; thinking of you. xxx

happyathome_2

Taye, This is my first ever post on the forum.
I have followed this post morning, noon and night from post 1.

I too feel that this young man is just taking a big breath and getting used to all the info you have given him.

Remember he was completely foot-loose and fancy free until he spotted you. You are probably a very different girl from his usual "type". He decided you were worthy and has fallen for you big time.
Alllow him that time to breathe and take it all in. To me Dave will be back at the weekend with a HUGE bouquet and an open heart.

Keep kicking Taye - both Dave and you have come some way over these past few weeks.

Horace

I couldnt have said it better myself Lunar.

Keep your chin up Taye and if, after his moment of hiding in his 'virtual shed' that the relationship isnt for him - then think of it as being his loss and not yours - onwards and upwards. Show him that you are having a fab time - let him miss you..it could be that when he eventually makes up his mind that its too late and you have found someone else.

Have you looked at joining Gingerbread yet, if not get on and do it this week or better still today - you need to expand your circle of friends so that you don't get too attached to one person and feel bereft when that person says that they need space.

Good luck Taye and keep us posted.

There is another good book out there about the differences between men and women, its quite comical and very true. The book is called Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps written by Allan & Barbara Pease. That will also give you an insight in how men react to things.

NAR - men are also predictable creatures so we know that they are sulking when they retreat into their sheds or garages woebetide any woman that steps into their hallowed sanctuaries.