When to start dating again?

jinky67

swiss69 wrote: »

You have spent two weeks telling him you dont want to be rushed and to take things slowly.......He is doing what you have asked..........You think something is wrong!

Women! No wonder we struggle with you:rolleyes:

you are just copying me, I said as much this morning:p

rosepink1984

Taye, one thing I learned when I went on holiday for the first time with my DH (then my boyfriend) was that things would be really good and we seemed really close, and then he would go all distant and want some space. I think it's a man thing, sometimes they just need a bit of space. I say "he's gone off into his cave" for a while, and I just leave DH to it, and he comes back out when he's ready!
I really wouldn't worry about Dave. You had a great talk, and a nice cuddle Friday, and he probably needed time to absorb it all and process how he feels about what you told him (not in a bad way, but he cares about you so hearing that you've been through a rough time will be hard for him). I'm sure once he's got his head around it all, he will be fine with you again.
Try to focus on the good memories you have of the weekend, and try to just be yourself when you speak to him on the phone next. If he's like my DH, he won't have noticed that there was anything wrong!

themaccas

Hi Taye, for what it's worth I think his behaviour is very strange too and I would be wondering !!!!!!? Did you ask him what was wrong if anything, I know I would be pretty unnerved by it compared to what he was like the previous day and all the texts and phonecalls he made. It maybe that you told him tmi on Friday night and he doesn't know what to do and men are always scared of rejection.

Who knows though men are funny folk! Take care and make sure you keep the contact going, he'll need it.

Money_maker

Hopefully its just concern and consideration in view of what you had told him. I expect he didn't want to take advantage as you had obviously had a drink or two...

Or it could be a mood. You say he's had them before? Thats not good.

Either way, next time you see him, either ask him about it or ask him for a goodnight kiss on your way out. Communication seems to be the problem here.

whitewing

Taye,

You did brilliant, girl! You went away for the weekend, you've let your boys have their own weekend away, you've handled lots of new-to-you situations.

I think probably Dave has been deeply touched by having you agree to see him, and shocked by the stuff you told him. I know my DH would find it very hard to deal with; nothing like physical/sexual abuse has happened to me but I do struggle with how my parents behaved and even now DH gets very angry about it all. He needs quiet time to put his thoughts in order. It is horrible when men retreat away like that, and until I learnt to deal with it, I found it very hard to leave DH alone and trust that he would 'be back' to me.

Believe me, if Dave hadn't wanted you around after Friday, he may not have told you exactly (men are wimps) but he would have found a way of making you leave.

He has probably had a little dream of getting to know you and going away with you. Reality is different; it always is. Reality is better than anything you could imagine - it just takes a while to mould each other into a comfortable fit.

He'll be back.

BeenieCat

Of course we do only hear Taye's version of events.

It's possible his friends have had words with him telling him to cool down, and given you were tipsy when you left the toilets the other night and went and sat on him - he might be super cautious of looking like he's taking advantage.

He's probably really confused at the moment, he heard your full story and then you're all over him (ok not the best way to phrase it but you get the idea) - he's probably thinking !!!!!! does she like me or not?!

He will have felt something was up when you were wanting to call things off - and now he'll be wondering what's changed - aswell as probably being a little overwhelmed by finding out about your crappy ex!!

I guess what i'm trying to say is don't worry - and take it slow!!! Don't fret if he doesn't seem interested - he so is!

My friend is a nightmare for blokes, when they want her - she plays it too cool and doesn't let them know she likes them, then by the time they've given up she decides she actually really likes him and by then it's too late :rotfl:. I'm not saying this is the same, just typical of women to be so confusing

(I'm a woman too!!)

k2tog

Just-keep-talking-to-him Taye. I agree that he maybe didn't want to make any moves after you'd had a couple in case it was something you wouldn't have done sober. You probably have given him a lot to think about too. 1 week down, 3 to go.

And back to the naked peek.....?

whitewing

Yes, do he actually know you saw him naked?

(Answer to own question: most probably).

Horace

I wouldnt stress about him too much - as others have said he has a lot on his mind after what you told him about your previous life plus the fact he could well have been tired, fiddling with IT isnt the easiest of jobs at the best of times - I know I had to fiddle with my laptop after I tweaked it and then it wouldnt work so I had to remember what I did to untweak it:rolleyes:

Men are funny creatures and they like to do their man thing whether that be beat on their chest as though they are he men or retreat into their cave (if they have a shed that's where they will go and hide).

Don't feel bad about him buying you a new dress or shoes either - mine once bought me a silk dress to go to a work party (I have narrow shoulders and the strap slipped and a boob fell out:eek:), I haven't worn the thing since:D Still I didnt mind him buying it for me. When we first started going out, I went to London and was there on my birthday but he had already arranged to spend the day at some meeting or other and I can remember him shoving £100 in my pocket and telling me to go and spend it, all of it. At first it was difficult to do but I soon got into the swing of things and managed to blow the lot - all I have to show for it now is a wood and silver box from Liberty:cool: Just think Taye, you could wear the dress and shoes on other occasions too.

Glad you got home safely too.

NAR

Horace wrote: »

Men are funny creatures and they like to do their man thing whether that be beat on their chest as though they are he men or retreat into their cave (if they have a shed that's where they will go and hide).

Yes we are and you will never fathom us out!