When to start dating again?

duchy

I suspect Dave will be better today-he was probably still digesting it all yesterday. It was a lot to take on board. I think he'll be fine once he's had a chance for thinking time.

sarymclary

Hello Taye, glad the weekend is going so well, and that you've had a lovely time, and that you've allowed Dave to treat you like a princess - he's been waiting for you to come along!

The comments from others here about Dave digesting all the information about your ex, what has happened to you, etc., will all be going through his mind. It will have been a shock to him, and possibly the first time he's ever had anyone he knows that's gone through it. He may well see that you are more 'fragile' now, but after a while, he'll actually realise that you are incredibly strong.

What you've helped to do is make the 'penny drop'. The pulling away, the panicking at getting too intimate, the fear of kissing, etc., is now all making perfect sense. This man has declared his love for you, has said he sees you as his future wife, no less, so why would he now, when armed with all the facts, do anything to upset you any further, or make you feel at all uncomfortable?

Remember what I said before about setting limits, boundaries, no-go areas, etc? Maybe now is the time to think further about that. You can reassure him and say that you love it when he touches you around your waist, love his cuddles, like the feel of his hands on your back. Maybe you want a little bit more now, in which case, tell him how much more, but it may just be that you have to show him. If you want a cuddle and a snog, then go for it, I can't imagine he'll back off, but he may not instigate or take it any further without your say so. If you want something more, you're now going to have to ask for it. It won't be forever, once you've taken all the steps you need to create a full, physical relationship, those boundaries will have been broadened to those that any other couple might have. It definitely sounds to me that he is going to be a very considerate 'partner', which is exactly what you need.

When I met my BF he told me absolutely everything about his past, in a very short space of time. I was a bit shocked about some aspects of it, and I found it hard to reconcile what he'd told me, with the person who stood before me. It certainly wasn't easy, and I had a bit of a problem coping with it, and believing that he has now going to be different with me. The fact is that he was ready to change, wanted a different life, and wanted to be a better person, and knew he could only be with me if he achieved that. Time has helped me cope better with what I found out in the early days, and his determination to have a better life has proved his worth.

As for what to do for Dave. If you've not already left him, then the notes hidden under his pillow, inside his case, would be lovely, or even write him a letter once you get home and post it to him at the hotel. It would be a lovely, kind, and romantic gesture for you to tell him what a wonderful guy you think he is, tell him how being with him makes you feel great, special, loved, cared for, safe, excited, etc. I did this with my BF, and he's kept all the little notes I've ever written him, and all the cards I've sent him - including the one I sent him during the first few weeks that is pinned up in his garage.

Chances are Dave feels he's been waiting all his life for you to come along, and he's prepared to now do whatever it takes to win your heart.

Have a safe journey home - I bet you've missed your boys, I do when I go away. I bet you'll be missing Dave loads too, and will be planning the next time you meet almost immediately (bet he's home next weekend)!

k2tog

jinky67 wrote: »

Ah us fickle women:o

He is probably scared of scaring you off, so doesnt know how far he can *go* before you pull away, so instead he is doing it. He is in a strange way actually doing the right thing:T maybe you feel awkward initiating things but he is leaving it to you so that you can go at your own pace and dont freak out.

Bite the bullet and just go for it, whatever it may be:D

Agree with this. He's trying to do the right thing again. You've actually got what you were telling him you wanted!
Keep talking to him. It doesn't all have to be heavy explanations. Just don't leave the poor guy confused.
Glad you're having a good time. I also want to hear more about your "accidental" viewing
Forgot to say I love the note idea too.

k2tog

NAR wrote: »

Wife says I'm not a flirt - I'm a tart! :eek:

She locks you in an airtight tin at night? :eek:

NAR

k2tog wrote: »

She locks you in an airtight tin at night? :eek:

How did you know about my wind problem?

Come back soon Taye, so we can all get back on topic!

Taye

Phew home at last, im flipping knackered and i have so much to do ready for school tommorrow, ugh.

you guys are totally bonker's you know that?

Thanks for the note idea, i felt alittle silly but i left him a couple dotted about... i just hope he open's his laptop before going to work tommorrow.

Things were alittle weird when i left it, i tried on a couple of occasion's last night and today to initiate some sort of closeness but he was the one pulling away?! im trying not to worry about it and im trying to convince myself that it is just that he's got the hint to slow down, but it doens't really explain why he pulls away when im obviously looking for a connection? as i was leaving he totally wigged out on a goodbye kiss, it really was a "oh look over there martian's moment as he ran off".

i feel kinda sick, i know your going to tell me not to stress over it but i can't help but feel he's somehow lost interest? something is very very wrong but i don't know what i did?

It's just really weird, friday night was fine, we had dinner our talk and he was his usual touchie feelie self, loads of hugs, hand holding general closeness, ended up falling asleep in his arms.

Saturday we went out, did alot of walking and went shopping where he bought me a beautiful dress to wear to dinner and some shoes to go with it. I felt really bad about it but he was really insistant that he wanted to get me something nice.

But even then saturaday he just seemed wierd, he wanted to take me out, buy me something but didnt really want to touch/hold me. that evening we had dinner and went out sat in a pub talked loads but even then he sort of sat on the opposite side of the table to me putting all this space bettween us. Eventually we went back to the hotel and we had a drink, watched some TV but where the night before he'd lay on the bed with me having a cuddle, this time he sat in the armchair alone. I asked him to come and sit with me but he said he was comfy and wouldn't??!

Eventually (after drunkan posting in the toilets) i came out and went over to him and tried to sit on his knee.. well i sort of straddled him to be fair (yeah ok .. it wasn't as bad as it sounds) and tried to kiss him but he just looked mortified i asked him if he was ok? and he just said he was tired so i gave him a quick kiss and went off to bed.

Today was much the same, just didn't really want to know.. he was nice to me and attentive enough but i sware i could have been his mother and he wouldn't have treated me any different. I tried to initate cuddles and things but he just was really weird about it.

I don't know what i did?!

mumofjusttwo

Did he say that he would call you? How did you leave it?

I wonder if it is that he has such deep feelings for you that he is worried about trying to go a step further if sitting near you ( I don't mean that in a bad way) so is trying to play the safe card by not getting any where near you at all.

juliejim

Taye - I wouldn't worry too much - he's probably just still getting his head around things - it was a lot for him to take in and he probably just wasn't too sure of himself. Just concentrate on the fact that you had a nice time and you feel more confident.

Jue

swiss69

You have spent two weeks telling him you dont want to be rushed and to take things slowly.......He is doing what you have asked..........You think something is wrong!

Women! No wonder we struggle with you:rolleyes:

Taye

swiss69 wrote: »

You have spent two weeks telling him you dont want to be rushed and to take things slowly.......He is doing what you have asked..........You think something is wrong!

Women! No wonder we struggle with you:rolleyes:

I wanted him to slow down, not back off compeately