When to start dating again?

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

well we managed 1 and 7 last night

And?


... what a cliff hanger ...

k2tog

Taye wrote: »

well we managed 1 and 7 last night

Blimey Taye, that's going some!

sarymclary

I had a BF where when I met his friends/family for the first time, his sister took me to one side and told me all about his ex, what she'd looked like, what she'd done, everything. My Bf hadn't told me half of it, and it was clear he'd been really hurt, and damaged by her leaving (she took the contents of their house off in a lorry one day while he was at work, after 7 yrs together)!

I think Dave's mate had the best of intentions with his comments. In the first instance he wants to reassure you about fretting over Dave spending his money, and make you see that it's really no big deal. It was his way of saying 'don't sweat about it'. Men do talk about money, perhaps more than women, especially in a career context, so it may not be such a crass thing to have done, in their circle of friends. Contractors often talk in terms of hourly/daily rates anyway.

As for the story re. the ex wife, well, any mate who's seen a good friend hurt in such a way, would want to protect their emotional well-being, wouldnt' they? If Dave had met one of your friends, and he'd been having an innocent chat with them about you, say commenting on how nice you were, etc., it might not be so unlikely to think that they wouldn't tell him that you are lovely, but you've been hurt before, so he'd better look after you. I don't see it was such an unusual thing to do, and giving you the 'bigger picture', in my book, helped fill in lots of gaps, and shows that here was a man willing to sacrifice his job, make the ultimate gesture to be with his wife, and what did he get for his trouble? Perhaps he felt he needed to just turn his back on it all, hence giving her everything. They both sound to have been career people, with high salaries, so he could clearly take the 'hit' financially, and for him it meant it was easier, and quicker to draw a line under it all. I have a friend who wasn't as solvent as Dave, who walked away from her husband and let him keep their 4 bed house, just so that she could move on faster. She regretted it years later, when she realised how much equity she'd left behind, but it did mean she was saved from legal wranglings over financies.

HTH, and just enjoy your Dave time. The fact that you're finding yourself more physically attracted to Dave is a significant change, and it's probably when you are becoming suddenly 'aware', that you're having your jumpy moments. Consider what the thoughts in your mind are when you feel the urge to jump or flee. What is causing that panic, and if you are beginning to feel it's a bit irrational, try to create a method to deal with it, ie. you feel the panic, but give yourself 5 seconds before you react, and then attempt to leave the room in a more relaxed manner, or excuse yourself to the loo, get a drink, and create a 'normal' situation out of what you're beginning to see as 'abnormal'. In time I am confident they will just fade away. If you don't see them fade, then you will probably have to discuss it with Dave, and just reassure him that it's just you, and you wish it wouldn't happen, so it's not a planned reaction, but the chances of it remaining are slim. Is the thought about your fear to do with the 'next step' you may want to take physically?

barnaby-bear

skintmumof3 wrote: »

taye, do you realise nearly 30,000 people have viewed this thread....
amazing eh??
i am totally hooked.
let us all know when we all need to go and buy a new hat....lol
and am so pleased things are going so well......

or more likely 300 people 100x each....

Heath84

barnaby-bear wrote: »

or more likely 300 people 100x each....

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Haha your probably right!
Its got me hooked!

xxlaurissaxx

me too! It's the first thing I check when I get into work every morning, emails come second :rotfl: xx

NOVASTAR

:rotfl:Come on Taye - we're waiting ... 1 and 7 ...... pleeeeeese

rosepink1984

Taye, what happened? I'm in an agony of suspense! Hope you are ok tho, just remember that having a tiff is perfectly normal, so hope you aren't too worried about it. Most couples will have a row occassionally xx

BrokeBrunette

Taye wrote: »

well we managed 1 and 7 last night

come on Taye, you can't leave it like that. Now you've said the above we need more details from you - sorry yes I know it's nosy, but we all feel part of this romance. You can't dump us all now

Justamum

I've been reading this thread with great interest - and I want to know what happened too!!!! (I'm sure there are loads of people reading this but not posting!)