When to start dating again?

k2tog

NAR wrote: »

What a nice guy. He obviously wants Dave to be happy, approves of you, but doesn't want you to break off the relationship through Dave rushing things too fast. That's what I call a friend.


Think this an example of what his friend is talking about. You decide what is comfortable for you is my advice.

I agree with NAR -I always knew I wasn't a "girly-girl" but it's starting to worry me how much I'm agreeing with the blokes on here :rotfl:.
Perhaps worry about the finer details of the weekend visit (like who stays where) when it's a bit closer. Sounds perfect if your Mum is eager to have the boys for an overnight - be nice to her and let her have them
Glad you had a good weekend. *Sigh* it's making me nostalgic for the days when DH thought I was worth impressing instead of [STRIKE]scratching his[/STRIKE] oh, you get the picture :rotfl:

sarymclary

I'm glad you have had a good w/end. Wish I'd had the use of your mini digger for mine actually, as my raised beds are still unmade, and my tomato plants will be ready soon! Anyway, enough of my jealousy! he he.

Glad you said yes to the contract. He'll need to keep working whenever it presents itself (for the record tho', my ex worked for 3yrs for the same global company, and it was commutable, 9-5, 5 days a week, so they aren't all just a couple of days a month, he worked 2yrs elsewhere, 2yrs in another place, and went back to an old contract for an extra 18mths - all commuted to). Any contractor worth his salt keeps a year's worth of money as a cushion, if they can. It can be a risky way or working, but it suits certain people. It's not for the faint hearted, but, as a family we were able to be like anyone else, and had 4 children that got to see their dad plenty enough, and he took time off when we wanted, despite it being unpaid, because your salary is enough to compensate for it.

Enough of the money, that's clearly not an issue for Dave, so don't let it be for you. It's what he does, it's how he earns his living, and he could consider getting a permanent one if/when the time is right. For now, it's his business. Touching that he mentioned it to you, and checked in with you for approval to go. That shows consideration, and that he's worried how you'll feel, and proving he wasn't looking for an escape route himself.

Enjoy the developing friendship you've got, and appreciate that he is a nice man, who cares for you. Cross each bridge as you come to it, rather than pre-empting and over-analysing.

BTW, over 27K have viewed this thread now! Wow!

Taye

Well the weekend was lovely except for one thing but i'll come back to that, dave and his friend worked really hard in the garden and i have two 3ft by 15ft raised beds yay. I still need another 2 building but they are going to be done next weekend as the lads didn't get time, but the hard work has been done at least i can get my more desperate plants outside and get my beans started.

It was quite nice to see dave with his friend you know it was weird but i think i saw a different side of him, a more relax side you know one where he's not trying to be perfect haha. His friend was lovely he's married with a daughter but gave me lots of info on dave. Including how much dave earns *ugh* Lets just say i don't feel guilty about the digger anymore.

I also learn't there was more to the whole "daves marriage ending" thing, while it's true they where having disagreements about starting a family.

What i didn't know was that when Dave quit his job to move back in with his wife in there 2nd home (as an effort to be a family and convince her kids where a good idea) he'd done it as a suprise he just found a new job and one day turned up *suprise*

Unfortunatly it was dave who was suprised to find she's actually had another man living in there 2nd home for over 12 months and she really wasn't all that happy to see Dave on the doorstep .. eek.

His friend told me that dave just walked away from the marrage at that point and left EVERYTHING to his wife, including both houses. it was an amicable split simple because dave just let her have everything. (something his friend was very annoyyed at)

Not really sure what i think about that, my divorce was very very messy bettween CSA battles and fights over the house there are still somedays i wonder if it was all worth it, but i had to fight for what i got otherwise i would have been really screwwed with the kids (not that i ever got CSA:mad:) and even though the whole thing was really painful because my EX was the last person i wanted to see in court or at all for that matter it was what i needed to do to make sure i came out of it with my share.

Anyway the rest of the weekend was alright, im getting frustrated and i think Dave is too i'm still twitchy, i want to be close to him really i do, i mean i have all the normal female desires (sorry to much info) but stupid things keep happening. One minute im fine the next minute i've leapt 50 feet away from him. Insane things like last night we where both knacked from being in a garden having abit of a cuddle on the couch watching TV and suddenly for no reason i freaked out leapt up and rushed out of the room, he'd not even done anything that he hadn't done 100's before.

Im just fed up i want to be normal :mad:

duchy

Hmmmm not sure what I think about BF telling you what he earns-wonder why he did that. Again the marriage stuff-not really his place to tell you-however he has and it certainly points to Dave also having trust issues (and a huge mortgage if he did indeed let "everything" go). He's one of the walking wounded too (as we all are to one degree or another) so may actually be as scared as you are ! It's quite refreshing he didn't tell you the whole wife thing from the off (although I'd hope he would do soon)-plenty of men spend first dates ranting about their evil exes....and then wondering why the woman doesn't want a second date !
The more you find out about Dave the person -rather than seeing him as "Dave the first man since....." the more comfortable you'll become so stop trying to run before you can walk
Sounds like it was a good weekend-so relax !!

Quackers

duchy wrote: »

Hmmmm not sure what I think about BF telling you what he earns-wonder why he did that. Again the marriage stuff-not really his place to tell you!!

Agreed

Wasn't his place to say anything. And I find it odd that he would tell his friends girlfriend so soon. Maybe a bit down the line but the first time they meet

I thought it was only us girls that were that protective :rotfl:

Glad its going ok Taye. Stick to your guns about the hotel thing - if its not what you want then dont do it

k2tog

Agree with Duchy re the BF giving you the income information - maybe it's just me but it feels a bit vulgar. To my mind, it's the sort of thing you don't need to know anyway - early days for it. But anyway, that was the mate not him. I also think it's good dave didn't go into the whole ex saga immediately but may also help you in that you know you are not the only one with emotional baggage .
Taye how is Dave reacting when you have one of your "leaping" moments? I really hope you are both finding a way to deal with it - laughing, talking, whatever. It probably won't do any harm to keep reiterating the sloooow message because it sounds like you are doing really well in becoming more relaxed but it's all still new and quite fragile progress towards trust. I'm so glad things are going so well for you Taye. When does he go dahn sarf?

glossgal

I think it's pretty weird for Dave's friend to be telling you anywhere near that amount of info seeing as you've never met before?? inapropriate is an understatement! Call me a cynic but I hope he hasn't been told to tell you that stuff to make Dave seem more vulnerable or something?

whitewing

I think that Dave's friend knows Dave likes you a lot, wants to see Dave settled, and is trying to help things along.

As for the 'leaping', don't worry. Just accept that you'll do it sometimes and laugh about it with him. You can choose whether to make a big issue of it or not. He'll realise that you'll get over it at some point. It is still early days.

NAR

whitewing wrote: »

I think that Dave's friend knows Dave likes you a lot, wants to see Dave settled, and is trying to help things along.

I totally agree with this take on things.

xx_Jo_xx

Ive followed your story with great interest Taye and it has recently restored my faith in the male species.....some decent ones do exist!

I agree with lots of the comments and some of the great advice which has been offered along the way. Its easy for us to sit on the sidelines and cast our opinions but we dont know what the conversation was like when he decided to tell Taye how much Dave was earning. Taye is a worrier (sp?) and perhaps he was trying to make her feel better about the cost of the garden equiptment or something. Perhaps his intention was to make her feel better as its not such a big deal to him.

He sounds genuinely to have his friends best interests at heart, and he gave up his free time to come and help in the garden.

As for the EX situation - he clearly didnt need to fight her for the houses or need the financial security that would have come from a settlement in the same way that you did. So dont compare your situation to his.

He clearly wanted it to be over and her out of his life as quickly as possible - good on him I say. He was in a position to be able to do it.

He clearly thinks a lot of you. xx