Please, please advise

skintchick

I know I would carry to term, but I also know not many would. I just mentioned it because if she decides to and people are shocked by that it will upset her.

EDIT - and Becles' story is exactly WHY I would (as well as I don;t mind having a disabled child).

Soubrette

I had a very high chance of having a child with Down's Syndrome during my first pregnancy.

My mother in particular was really pushing for a decision on whether to terminate or not before I had had the amnio.

I really was incapable of making this decision at that time, it felt that I was writing off my child - totally illogical I know.

Also both set of grandparents got involved in some weird blame game - it's not on my side - is it on yours, no not on mine, it was weird and very upsetting.

My second child also showed a high risk but by then I knew termination was not an option for me so I didn't bother with the amnio.

Both girls are completely fine but it was a horrible time.

Sou

newlysingle_2

Sorry been out for a drink so very emotional tonight- even more so than last night. I think whatever the outcome my cousin will want to keep the baby and I think that is what is causing the problems. I personaly have no problems and will be on full baby sitting duty as I intended to. But her mum seems to think that her life will be over. To a certain extent I agree i.e. if the worst case serario happens, but other than that I am still torn. I deeply appriciate everyones input but am also bracing myself for the worst week of my life so far........

xx newly single xx

ailuro2

I read an article once written by people who had disabled kids, one of them described it as being booked to go on holiday to Spain, and finding themselves in Italy - they hadn't expected to veer from the package that they had signed up for - a normal child born at 40 weeks, and progressing normally through life, but what they got was someone who needed more care and was more demanding of their time , but whom they loved no less, na dlife felt more 'normal' once they got over the shock of landing in a different place to where they expected to be.

I thought this was a very good way to put it, because no one expects to have a disabled child, or to have to deal with anything going 'wrong', but once it happens there is nothing to be done but grow to accept what has happened, and acknowledge life will be different but still enriched.

Sometimes though, things just weren't meant to be , and that can be terribly hard to cope with also. I'm glad your friend has you for support, her mother sounds like she has decided already what will happen, and will not be much help.

tiamai_d

ailuro2 wrote: »

I read an article once written by people who had disabled kids, one of them described it as being booked to go on holiday to Spain, and finding themselves in Italy - they hadn't expected to veer from the package that they had signed up for - a normal child born at 40 weeks, and progressing normally through life, but what they got was someone who needed more care and was more demanding of their time , but whom they loved no less, na dlife felt more 'normal' once they got over the shock of landing in a different place to where they expected to be.

I thought this was a very good way to put it, because no one expects to have a disabled child, or to have to deal with anything going 'wrong', but once it happens there is nothing to be done but grow to accept what has happened, and acknowledge life will be different but still enriched.

Sometimes though, things just weren't meant to be , and that can be terribly hard to cope with also. I'm glad your friend has you for support, her mother sounds like she has decided already what will happen, and will not be much help.

It's a poem called Welcome to Holland

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

I found it helped me to come to terms with DS2's condition. If she has a disabled child, her life will not be over. Different, but not over. Her mother will have to learn to deal with it and either support her daughter in her decisions, or butt out.

ailuro2

thanks, that's the description I was thinking of.;)

newlysingle_2

Thank you again, everyone who has replied. I agree totally with the last few points. I don't think there is such a definition as a 'normal' baby. Her mothers words are harsh and I was shocked on Friday when she told me what she thought.- I don't know whether it was shock or what but to me it was harsh. I have been told I speak my mind, and I will do tomorrow when I go round. The decision lies with my cousin, no matter what anyone else thinks. Everyone can have there opinion, fine, but the decision is hers. Whatever she decides to do she knows, and I will tell her again tomorrow, I will support her 100%.

elainew

I lost my wee boy :A --different circumstances though. You just need to be a shoulder to cry on. Take her some shopping round, a card to say you are there if she needs you.
The worst thing someone said to me is --well at least you know you can get pregnant.
So very sad

tattoed_bum

all i would like to say is you seem such a supportive friend ,i wish i had had a friend like you when my son was born .
i had an emergancy section due to complications ,and my little man had some major problems ,
on the first night he was born he had to be resusitated 5 times the hospital asked if it happened again did we want them to continue to try to keep him alive or switch the machine off as he would be so severly brain damaged he would have no quality of life .
we asked them to continue to resusitate which they did .

some of the family were not happy about this at all and some of them told us that if he did survive it would be best if we put him into a care home or to put him up for adoption .
neither of these were an option to us he was our son and even if he wasnt perfect then we would deal with it we would love him as much as any parent could love a child .

he is now a most amazing 6yr old our lives would not be complete without him .
he has some problems as in he is deaf and partially blind but he is just like any other child his age .he has a few problems with school but he does go to mainstream school .
the doctors were all so wrong and so were the family he fought like a trooper got through the first 24 hrs and then the second 24hrs and as the day's went on the stronger he got he isnt brain damaged at all and to think that we had been advised to switch off his life support .

try to be there for her no matter what desicion she makes because whatever she chooses it will be the most difficult one she will ever make

Bitsy_Beans

I have no advice but wanted to say you're being wonderful with your support and that I hope the scan on Tuesday brings better news and if not I hope your cousin gets the support she needs.