war and peace dalip style!

december

Chaz you would probably be better posting this under a new thread but the abbreviations are to do with debt management eg BR - bankruptcy, IVA - insolvency voluntary agreement?, DMP - debt management plan

chazsucks

Sorry I was just reading and kept getting confused
Thanks

So_Sad_Angel

DFD - Debt Free Dir*ct.....better known as `avoid like the plague` & `don`t go near with a barge pole` seems to be the general opinion !!!:D

Being very polite there can`t you tell

graemecarter

dalip wrote: »

And yes i do think the resentent is from ME dealing with my debts whilst others in my family refuse to.

There is a lot more to it though.... which i can not put on an open forum;).

You can only keep your side of the street clean. You cannot control other people, as much as you would want to.
Resentments hurt us the most - do not let them eat you up

iquit

Hi Dalip, I would just like to add my voice of thanks and support to the masses. Your contributions on this forum have seen many of us through dark times and if in return we can offer you the same then please feel free to contact us. I'm sure there are those who've been with you on the forum for longer and that you can PM - please do. Get the stuff that is stifling you off your chest. I'm sorry that I have no experience of marriage and its many intricacies but maybe counselling may help you and your OH through this. In the meanwhile, we're here for you.

shortie_d

I had been struggling for a while.....bc no way... not me.....not that bad. But it bloody was,when i sat down and wrote it all down in black and white .....what a mess...how had it ever got to that much.42K:o your not the only one to have managed to get into such debt and be unsure how chin up xxx

My OH had no idea of the emotional side of it all....which has affected me badly.Still doesen't I had no idea of how it can affect people emotionally people think going bc is an easy option but it isn't it's the most stressfull thing eva x

You see no credit to go out on a whim for drink,for a meal,can not throw all manner of things into the trolly when shopping. even in a DMP you have an amount going out you still wouldn't have been able to do any of these things ... nor with an IVa either!!! speaking from experience x

And my job... what job... just got laid off...if only i had stayed in the job i hated.. at least it was secure and paid well. All those jobs above(the house) and more would have been done by now. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason even when it isn't good!

So to anybody out there thinking bc is a doddle.Easy it is not and it does have repercussions for years to come. So think long and hard before you take that leap it is not just about debt. Same to anyone thinking about an IVA find out all you can first as a lot can't complete the full 5 to 6 years of paying into an IVA due to life changing circumstances .... me included!

Would i have done things differently......with forum maybe i would.....but not everybody has the the help,,knowledge and comfort of this forum. Wish i had.I sure would have loved to have found this website 12 mths ago its just fantastic.

PS sorry for the gut spilling Don't worry about it it's good to know others feel as frustrated as me too lol x

but another side to bc is you find out who you "friends" are;););)and i don't have any:o[/QUOTE] then they are not real friends and are worth nothing. money or financial status cannot buy you good friendships but being on here you can make friends in the same situations as you who understand just how your feeling xxx

dalip

Sorry if this thread is turning into war and peace but i am feeling a little more rational today and maybe a bit more info is needed to clarify a few points.

Ok when i went bc i begged OH to do it with me to get the debt out of the way and to make a complete fresh start. He repeatedly used the term"i don't owe enough",,which i felt was utter twaddle......At almost 10k what did he consider enough
He never once helped me with the forms..any question i asked he just shrugged his shoulders and said "how should i know":mad:..how the hell did he think i knew either.

Ok so yes life was better for a while we had money,i had a small but manageable IPA which did help aliviate the guilt somewhat.

Then we decided that i would leave the job that was killing me....long hours,very manual job,,,get something else, then he would leave also. When i handed in my notice he too decided he was going to leave:rolleyes:.

We were lucky in that we got another (agency) job withinn 3 days of leaving but when we got laid off in july last year his debt became unmangeable...so we offered a token payment.It was accepted by 2 but 2 gave us constant hassel. I am always the one to answer the phone(nobody else can be bothered to get up:mad:off their @rse)so i was the one saying no sorry he is not here.

Also at this time my daughter lost her job through illness so she was struggling with her debts. So off i go to the NDL page again and print off the token payments thing for her too.Her 3 all agreed to token payment but did she make them NO.......
So not only am i saying "no he is not here,i am also now saying she is not here":mad:

We managed to get more agency work in sept and set up a DMP with cccs which has been going well until now all that will change again as it was worked on both our incomes and now i am out of work god only knows what they will suggest....he has not rung them yet:rolleyes:

I helped the daughter set up a DMP too as i could not stand the calls at 8am and 8pm on a sunday anymore or the thought of the DCA calling when i was in(was out when they called before).Whether she pays it remains to be seen.....i have done as much as i can.

Now when i mentioned going out on a whim.....i was referring to a quick half with OH,not some boozy iss up with mates....as already mentioned i don't have any...except here:o

And as for putting things in the trolley... that was meaning the odd custard tart as a treat,having the odd piece of beef for sunday lunch instead of bloody chicken...arms are flapping here as i peck my cereals:rotfl:. I am talking JSA allowance......not minimum wage .lol.


Looks like i need to appologise again for spilling my guts.....AGAIN

Better out than in....and it is theraputic in a bizzare way:D

Never know maybe tommorrow i will reveal more of the story:rolleyes:

Lensman_2

No apology needed for me Dalip. Everyone hits the bit at the bottom of the rollercoaster from time to time. And getting it off your chest when you are like that is part of what this community is about.

Hope your day is a better one today.

Jim

dalip

Thanks len.I am just so weepy:o,everytime i read one of the replies off i go again:o..you are all so caring...never met such people as you lot before in my life.I am quite overwhelmed.

Mind MP's thread pulled me up this morn....made me realise i am a whinging old bag:rotfl:and there are a lot more worse off than me.Did me good to read that.Dx

Lightattheend

Morning Dalip, I'd just like to agree with everything Jim said above.

Take care hun