war and peace dalip style!

paulc19

dalip wrote: »

Sorry if this thread is turning into war and peace but i am feeling a little more rational today and maybe a bit more info is needed to clarify a few points.

Ok when i went bc i begged OH to do it with me to get the debt out of the way and to make a complete fresh start. He repeatedly used the term"i don't owe enough",,which i felt was utter twaddle......At almost 10k what did he consider enough
He never once helped me with the forms..any question i asked he just shrugged his shoulders and said "how should i know":mad:..how the hell did he think i knew either.

Ok so yes life was better for a while we had money,i had a small but manageable IPA which did help aliviate the guilt somewhat.

Then we decided that i would leave the job that was killing me....long hours,very manual job,,,get something else, then he would leave also. When i handed in my notice he too decided he was going to leave:rolleyes:.

We were lucky in that we got another (agency) job withinn 3 days of leaving but when we got laid off in july last year his debt became unmangeable...so we offered a token payment.It was accepted by 2 but 2 gave us constant hassel. I am always the one to answer the phone(nobody else can be bothered to get up:mad:off their @rse)so i was the one saying no sorry he is not here.

Also at this time my daughter lost her job through illness so she was struggling with her debts. So off i go to the NDL page again and print off the token payments thing for her too.Her 3 all agreed to token payment but did she make them NO.......
So not only am i saying "no he is not here,i am also now saying she is not here":mad:

We managed to get more agency work in sept and set up a DMP with cccs which has been going well until now all that will change again as it was worked on both our incomes and now i am out of work god only knows what they will suggest....he has not rung them yet:rolleyes:

I helped the daughter set up a DMP too as i could not stand the calls at 8am and 8pm on a sunday anymore or the thought of the DCA calling when i was in(was out when they called before).Whether she pays it remains to be seen.....i have done as much as i can.

Now when i mentioned going out on a whim.....i was referring to a quick half with OH,not some boozy iss up with mates....as already mentioned i don't have any...except here:o

And as for putting things in the trolley... that was meaning the odd custard tart as a treat,having the odd piece of beef for sunday lunch instead of bloody chicken...arms are flapping here as i peck my cereals:rotfl:. I am talking JSA allowance......not minimum wage .lol.


Looks like i need to appologise again for spilling my guts.....AGAIN

Better out than in....and it is theraputic in a bizzare way:D

Never know maybe tommorrow i will reveal more of the story:rolleyes:

Really absolutely no need to apologise. Guts need to be spilled sonetimes! Sorry if it appeared i was having a go, i just wanted to point out that BR can be a positive process although not everyone has this.

I do feel humbled reading your account of everything that's hapenned, seems that it may not be your BR that is causing you to feel this way but the way others are dealing with their debts. If that were happening to me i'd be distressed too, the whole feel good thing for me is partly to do with no more phone calls or letters..i bet it feels like nothing's changed for you.

Really, really sorry to hear about all of this...i kind of realise where you are coming from now, i'm sure you will get a job soon and as for your family, only they will decide their own destiny, can you encourage them to inform the creditors they want written contact only? Then maybe you wouldn't have to deal with those phone calls.

Take care.

Paul

p.s. i always preferred chicken anyway

shadowdragon

Hi Dalip

I know exactly where your coming from, it is a struggle we are on DLA and are actually worst off than on JSA!!!! we dont get Housing benefit, we have to pay for optitian/dentist/prescriptions and our Council tax!

I know having to shoulder the burden of familys debts when you have delt with yours must be hard, especially if they still have there heads in the sand.

Edit : I really miss a good steak too!!

iquit

Good morning Dalip, your situation is definately not an easy one. Glad you feel a bit better this morning.You have faced your demon debt but unfortunately your family haven't which is a shame coz you're suffering for it. You are obviously a very nurturing person and you've been taken for granted by those you love - they are always the ones who can press our buttons. Could you possibly change your home number to stop the calls? Maybe you need to call a family pow wow and share just how damaging their debt is being to your help. If my suggestions are all rubbish at least you still have the forum and we're happy to listen.

SkintYokel

It's very rare I post on here but I check in regularly just in case my very limited knowledge could help someone.

But you know what? Most times I check into a thread there's already some advice or kind words in there and usually under the same username 'Dalip'

I am shocked that you say you have no friends, I think that I speak for many when I say that I for one would be proud to have someone so warm, caring and genuine amongst my friends.

So if even this complete, random stranger feels the need to type a response to hopefully help pick you up then I guess you're doing something right

PS, I've always loved chicken too, beef is so overrated

startagain_2

Good morning dalip,

Not too much to say except reading your story makes me realise how much better it is for ME to be on my own dealing with all this. My ex husband was very much a head in the sand merchant and after our divorce the house was sold just to pay off the financial debris from his so called business and avoidance of dealing with stuff like tax and NI !
I am thinking of you and sending more hugs today.
Take yourself out for a long walk in the fresh air and clear your head a bit perhaps - away from the family and the phone for a while.
Very best wishes

SA

dalip

paulc19 wrote: »

Really absolutely no need to apologise. Guts need to be spilled sonetimes! Sorry if it appeared i was having a go, i just wanted to point out that BR can be a positive process although not everyone has this.

I do feel humbled reading your account of everything that's hapenned, seems that it may not be your BR that is causing you to feel this way but the way others are dealing with their debts. If that were happening to me i'd be distressed too, the whole feel good thing for me is partly to do with no more phone calls or letters..i bet it feels like nothing's changed for you.

Really, really sorry to hear about all of this...i kind of realise where you are coming from now, i'm sure you will get a job soon and as for your family, only they will decide their own destiny, can you encourage them to inform the creditors they want written contact only? Then maybe you wouldn't have to deal with those phone calls.

Take care.

Paul

p.s. i always preferred chicken anyway

me too but you can only eat so much;)

Never took offense at all paul. Appriciate you taking the time to reply. Thankyou hun.DX

dalip

shadowdragon wrote: »

Hi Dalip

I know exactly where your coming from, it is a struggle we are on DLA and are actually worst off than on JSA!!!! we dont get Housing benefit, we have to pay for optitian/dentist/prescriptions and our Council tax!

I know having to shoulder the burden of familys debts when you have delt with yours must be hard, especially if they still have there heads in the sand.

Edit : I really miss a good steak too!!

steak whats that

philnicandamy

Steak?....I've never seen any at netto :D

dalip

SkintYokel wrote: »

It's very rare I post on here but I check in regularly just in case my very limited knowledge could help someone.

But you know what? Most times I check into a thread there's already some advice or kind words in there and usually under the same username 'Dalip'

I am shocked that you say you have no friends, I think that I speak for many when I say that I for one would be proud to have someone so warm, caring and genuine amongst my friends.

So if even this complete, random stranger feels the need to type a response to hopefully help pick you up then I guess you're doing something right

PS, I've always loved chicken too, beef is so overrated

OMG how kind of you. Thankyou so much.I have no friends cause i have made my hubby and 3 girls my life,that and a demanding/obscure hours job(past tense). Your response has helped thankyou.Dx

philnicandamy

I have no friends

NOT true.....you have a ton of freinds here you've made over the time....(I consider you my[STRIKE] second mum[/STRIKE] younger good looking sister!)

**phew quick edit **