The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

absolutebounder

Carmen_Queasy wrote: »

Hi, I'm new here. I've been reading through this thread there's so much I can relate to though I've not been formally diagnosed with anything as yet. I have an appointment to see the doc a week on Thursday because I'm struggling to cope with everything right now especially money worries. I'm hoping for some medication that will make my mind work properly again so I can concentrate and cope, I'm just so dozy and useless right now and beginning to hate myself for it. Oh well, at least I can say I've taken the first step now though...

Hi carmen and welcome to the thread. money probs can be a cause of depression and even if not certainly dont help. If you could be a bit more specific I / we can try and help. Obviously you must trust your doctor but personally I remain to be convinced that meds help ones brain work better. The good part iis that you have realised a problem and are seeking help. Everyone on this thread Im sure will do their best for you .

Carmen_Queasy

edited to protect anonymity

beachbeth

Carmen_Queasy wrote: »

And I'm angry at myself for being like this.

I know exactly what you mean. I used to work part time and got very angry with myself for not being able to cope. After all, why couldn't I cope? Everyone else seemed to! I realise now looking back though that I had two young daughters, one of whom was special needs. I had to attend lots of appointments because of her special needs and also had a part time job. I had no support from anyone (husband worked long hours and my mum just wouldn't help). So I was coping all on my own with all this stress - no wonder I broke down in the end and had to leave work.

I can remember sitting in doctors waiting rooms and seeing other mothers and their children and they usually had their own mothers with them too. I used to think "Why isn't my mum here helping me?" It was awful.

So don't beat yourself up about it too much. Being the main breadwinner is a huge responsibility. Just do the best you can - thats all you can do.

Jo_R_2

I slept really badly after baby woke for his first night feed about 2am. I've spent most of the night drifting in and out of sleep and contemplating loads of things, mainly centred around moving house and also a conversation about "me" that me and OH had yesterday evening.

OH thinks I never see the good in any situation, that I always focus on the negatives and why things are bad. I have been aware that very recently I have been coming across like this - sliding the slippery slope to feeling depressed - but for some reason now I am very conscious of how OH thinks of me. Not because I'm worried it'll make him feel differently, I have complete faith in believing him when he says how he feels about me - but getting engaged and talking about moving house and planning a wedding at some point, I sometimes think of how different I am from when we first met and I want to be a person he wants to be with, to remember the fun things we did when we first started going out.

Of course things are different now - we have a little baby, live together and have all the day-to-day things that go with that. We don't have the relative freedom to go out at the weekend like we used to, to take off for a weekend together, to go for long drives just the two of us. But I know I have gotten so weighed down in justifying how hard I find things that I've forgotten how to fight the fight.

I'm not saying I can necessarily 'cure' my depression by the simple power of thought - although I'm not eliminating that possibility. I just need to tell myself that no matter how hard I am finding things, I need to keep fighting it, to not be sucked in and fall struggling under the waves that threaten to consume me.

I mean this in a personal sense - no one wants to be a complete misery to be around, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing and dreaming of what could have been. I have completely abandoned everything that used to bring me joy, down to the simple pleasues of things like reading.

I got up this morning and went in the kitchen to make a tea, and as I looked out of the window, the bright sun shining in the morning made me feel strangely happy. I remembered when I was younger and how much I enjoyed walking to school or college on a bright, brisk, sunny morning and wondered why I shut myself away in this house so much when I enjoy that. What happened to the book I was reading a month or two ago, half-done and then forgotten? What happened to the happy and upbeat Jo that OH met a couple of years ago, the one who was down and stressed and depressed but kept thinking of beating it, the one who saw the positives in a bad situation and wanted to build on them?

I think today is the day I turn it around. I don't think for one minute my life is going to instantly change... But I can't justify complaining or wishing things away that I want - if I don't go out and get them.

So today I resolve to step outside in a bit, after I have made the effort to shower and dress sunnily, and take a walk in the sun. And every day after that I will do at least one thing that makes me think, yes, I am lucky and happy to be here. And that will be the start of a better future that *I* will make, not hope for.

Carmen_Queasy

beachbeth wrote: »

I know exactly what you mean. I used to work part time and got very angry with myself for not being able to cope. After all, why couldn't I cope? Everyone else seemed to! I realise now looking back though that I had two young daughters, one of whom was special needs. I had to attend lots of appointments because of her special needs and also had a part time job. I had no support from anyone (husband worked long hours and my mum just wouldn't help). So I was coping all on my own with all this stress - no wonder I broke down in the end and had to leave work.
So don't beat yourself up about it too much. Being the main breadwinner is a huge responsibility. Just do the best you can - thats all you can do.

Thanks, the part I've bolded is exactly how I feel!
I don't have any children (and I know I couldn't cope with the constant stress and guilt of being a mother) and most of the other part timers in my work place are either mothers or students so people expect I am too and are surprised when they find out I'm not. But I don't have an "excuse" for being part time.

Sssssss

what stresses you the most?

in my case it's letters, if it's something I know, like and ordinary bill etc. no problem I open it and deal with it. However if it's something I don't recognise I leave it for days without opening. Now is this part of my depression or do ordinary people also find this difficult to cope with?

I really hate getting letters on a friday because i feel if I open it and it's bad news or something hard I have to deal with it will ruin my weekend, however not opening it also ruins my weekend as I don't know what's in the letter.

I also used to feel like this about emails but it's a lot better now as the only emails I get now are from family or spam.

absolutebounder

Carmen_Queasy wrote: »

Hi absolutebounder thanks for the welcome! I've have turned to self injuring to cope and I feel tearful often keep having to hide when I'm at work till I calm down and stop crying. I'm scared I'll get sacked for being incompetent as had customers complain about me for being too slow and for giving the wrong change I've had to sign forms saying I'll be more careful in future. I can't afford to be signed off as I'm only contracted to work part time but I do overtime tho if I'm off sick I'll only get my basic wage Fiance is unemployed too so I have him and my animals to support atm.
I said this on another thread too and people also replied saying CBT might be better than meds. I guess I'm kind of hoping for a "miracle cure" in a way. I've had this problem for years, being easily stressed and self harming to cope with it- and since I've worked part-time when my fiance could afford to support me I've been able to push it aside to some extent I suppose but now I have to be a responsible adult and breadwinner again it's overwhelming. And I'm angry at myself for being like this.

First thing is SH doesnt help with anything. punishing yourself is no good apart from the fact that it indicates to me that you are annoyed with yourself because you are not how you think others want to see you. I do have something which explains this quite well free of charge but you have to PM me for it.
We cant discuss treatments here but if you want to know about CBT or other talking therapies you need to PM me.
Often trying to be quick leads to mistakes and slows you up. It is far better to hesitate and think for a couple of seconds before answering or making sure change you give is right. you end up quicker in the long run. When dealing with bosses you need to learn how to reframe the argument, There is an example I gave to Beachbeth a few pages back. To reframe an argument you have to learn simple ways of turning it around. there are various ways but next time you are told off for being slow. How about " thats an interesting point boss but I thought more haste led to more errors and we dont want them do we?" or if you are criticised for too many errors then of course its because you are trying to work fast isnt it.:D Always compliment boss on his observation because it throws him off guard then the reframe comes in preferably in the form of a question which boss has to answer in a way that makes you look right.
As for money probs. You need to get a cheap exercise book or excel spreadsheet and write down all expenditure as you spend it or take it out of the ATM. That way you can see exactly where you are. with loans and Credit cards make as much effort to pay off smallest one first and when that is done divert some of what you were paying to the next smallest and so on.
Remember stress is bad and in some cases a real killer so slow down and learn to relax and chill. 5 minutes spent eyes shut rehearsing in your mind how you want the next hour or two to go is worth one hell of a lot.

absolutebounder

Jo_R wrote: »

I slept really badly after baby woke for his first night feed about 2am. I've spent most of the night drifting in and out of sleep and contemplating loads of things, mainly centred around moving house and also a conversation about "me" that me and OH had yesterday evening.

OH may find it very difficult to understand how you feel. Its a basic biological fact that mens brains are wired differently from womens. You have to accept and work with it rather than try and understand sometimes:rotfl:

OH thinks I never see the good in any situation, that I always focus on the negatives and why things are bad. I have been aware that very recently I have been coming across like this - sliding the slippery slope to feeling depressed - but for some reason now I am very conscious of how OH thinks of me. Not because I'm worried it'll make him feel differently, I have complete faith in believing him when he says how he feels about me.

We all see things differently which is down to the way our brain filters the millions of bits of informarion it receives every second. Just look out of the widow and notice the 3 things you first see. Then ask him to do the same and see if his answers are the same (they very rarely will be)

but getting engaged and talking about moving house and planning a wedding at some point, I sometimes think of how different I am from when we first met and I want to be a person he wants to be with, to remember the fun things we did when we first started going out.

You dont need to go back into the past as you have both evolved. Embrace the changes and enjoy new experiences together. talk and find out what makes him tick and vice versa.

I'm not saying I can necessarily 'cure' my depression by the simple power of thought - although I'm not eliminating that possibility. I just need to tell myself that no matter how hard I am finding things, I need to keep fighting it, to not be sucked in and fall struggling under the waves that threaten to consume me.

Many people go with their first thought but if that thought is negative tell your brain you are not doing anything until it can come up with a positive one. It soon learns.

I mean this in a personal sense - no one wants to be a complete misery to be around, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing and dreaming of what could have been. I have completely abandoned everything that used to bring me joy, down to the simple pleasues of things like reading.

I think you know what you have to do but you have to make the effort to get organised and have some time to yourself or some time set aside for enjoyment.

I got up this morning and went in the kitchen to make a tea, and as I looked out of the window, the bright sun shining in the morning made me feel strangely happy. I remembered when I was younger and how much I enjoyed walking to school or college on a bright, brisk, sunny morning and wondered why I shut myself away in this house so much when I enjoy that. What happened to the book I was reading a month or two ago, half-done and then forgotten? What happened to the happy and upbeat Jo that OH met a couple of years ago, the one who was down and stressed and depressed but kept thinking of beating it, the one who saw the positives in a bad situation and wanted to build on them?

I think today is the day I turn it around. I don't think for one minute my life is going to instantly change... But I can't justify complaining or wishing things away that I want - if I don't go out and get them.

So today I resolve to step outside in a bit, after I have made the effort to shower and dress sunnily, and take a walk in the sun. And every day after that I will do at least one thing that makes me think, yes, I am lucky and happy to be here. And that will be the start of a better future that *I* will make, not hope for.

The last few paragraphs are good. The fact is the only person it seems in the way of your goals is you and how you perceive others think of you. Ignore other people and get out there and play like your children or even better with them.

Space_donkey

Jo_R wrote: »

I'm not saying I can necessarily 'cure' my depression by the simple power of thought - although I'm not eliminating that possibility. I just need to tell myself that no matter how hard I am finding things, I need to keep fighting it, to not be sucked in and fall struggling under the waves that threaten to consume me.

I mean this in a personal sense - no one wants to be a complete misery to be around, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing and dreaming of what could have been. I have completely abandoned everything that used to bring me joy, down to the simple pleasues of things like reading.

Hi everyone, had computer problems so not posted for ages.
I think you can cure yourself with thought. At least it seems to be working for me. I am learning to avoid miserable people and surround myself with happiness and it is starting to rub off. I wake up more enthusiastic and with more energy. I challenge myself to do little things I couldnt do in the past. Yes there is bad days but then those happen to everyone.
Jo dont procrastinate just get out there and do the things that you enjoy.

worried_1

I just wanted to thank some of you for some good advice, but it seems that I am really at rock bottom and might do something stupid. A friend of mine is acting as a mediator between me and the agency, and it has gotten worse. The Agency are forcing me to come into the office even though I am mentally not up to it, and say that I owe almost £10,000 which is not true at all. Apparently the other employer that I worked for via the agency said they checked and it was that amount, but this figure is far fetched as I was only there for 14 months and I can kind of pinpoint where it went wrong. I don't know where they got that figure from and now they are threatening to call the police. I am at my wits end, and my friend said that the lady was hostile and rude and did not want to know about my Depression,which I can prove by getting a written statement from my GP. My friend said that it looks like they might set me up to come in and then have the police waiting there to take me away as they see this as high risk fraud but to tell you the truth it was at least over a grand that I owe which I want to pay back. The thought of going in has made me have panic attacks as I know they won't be sympathetic and because they have quite a few people working there, they will sure to look down on me and I already feel bad for what I did.

I just want to end my life now as I can't cope with all this, and although I am willing to pay back what I owe, I know that it is not the amount that they are stating.

I can't stop crying



Sorry to crash this board but I am desperate and in need of help.