The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

Jo_R_2

absolutebounder wrote: »

your post makes a lot of sense. I would say with a new baby its too early toget back to work at the moment but a lot of your fears are future fears which is no surprise because all fear is of something in the future but as people have shown on here you cant second guess the future so why worry about it.

When I say "accounting for those days..." I'm not exactly creating them in my head as a basic part of my future, rather I'm predicting they *will* happen because they have happened before in similar circumstances and still happen now. I'd rather be realistic and deal with that possibility with thinking of coping strategies than think I can be okay (that in itself is fine) but then realise one day I'm *not* fine.

I can identify factors though that would help and hinder my mindset with returning to work... And I would love to work towards a 'career', always have done, my mind feels so stagnant at the moment and I know this affects my state of mind on a daily basis... Kids are lovely but a job that interested me would add more to my life - I hope that doesn't sound selfish but I do miss working - and especially studying, I loved studying at uni.

absolutebounder

Jo_R wrote: »

When I say "accounting for those days..." I'm not exactly creating them in my head as a basic part of my future, rather I'm predicting they *will* happen because they have happened before in similar circumstances and still happen now. I'd rather be realistic and deal with that possibility with thinking of coping strategies than think I can be okay (that in itself is fine) but then realise one day I'm *not* fine.

I can identify factors though that would help and hinder my mindset with returning to work... And I would love to work towards a 'career', always have done, my mind feels so stagnant at the moment and I know this affects my state of mind on a daily basis... Kids are lovely but a job that interested me would add more to my life - I hope that doesn't sound selfish but I do miss working - and especially studying, I loved studying at uni.

Thanks Jo you have given me an Idea for new topic
What coping mechanisms do you use and when do you use them?
I like coping mechanisms and use them a lot so lets see if we can find a few more. Dont be embarrassed if they sound silly as its what works rather that what sounds sensible that counts.

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

There are a lot of flaws here. How do you think the spanish tennis would have gone if federrer was thinking like that?

Your post seems to assume that depression is "all in the mind" rather than an affliction of which it isn't just a simple case of mind over matter in order to keep it at bay or get rid of altogether. (I hope that makes sense!)

I don't follow tennis but Federrer can employ a mind over matter strategy in order to play a good game of tennis. Im not convinced that you can do this to beat depression.

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

Your post seems to assume that depression is "all in the mind" rather than an affliction of which it isn't just a simple case of mind over matter in order to keep it at bay or get rid of altogether. (I hope that makes sense!)

I don't follow tennis but Federrer can employ a mind over matter strategy in order to play a good game of tennis. Im not convinced that you can do this to beat depression.

What i was trying to show was that you can use the past as a predictor ie its always happened so it will happen again. or you can learn from the past to make sure it doesnt happen again. i dont follow tennis that much but i saw while I was away that federrer had lost 5 or so of the last matches against Nadal and especially since nadal is good on clay the reporter basically said federrer didnt have a hope. You are right Federrer does have a different way of thinking to many people but its not a way that cant be used by everyone.
depression is not a fete acomplis and can be altered as things alter in your life. one of those things can be how you learn to think about things and filter the information your brain is getting. my own sport is Badminton and for the first half of this season I had a very young partner who was obsessed with winning, so much so that if he played a couple of bad shots and we started losing he went to pieces. The reason being that his whole sense of value was on the end result and if that wasnt there he had nothing. i taught him to just focus on playing the best shots he could in a rally. his success changed immediately because it no longer mattered if the opposition got flukey point or evn beat him because he knew he was playing the best he could.
im not saying that when you have a negative thought you can just go !!!!!! and another positive one will come and all will be well but when you have negative thoughts you can challenge them to see how much is really true.

Jo_R_2

Coping strategies...

Some are specific to my situation (stay at home mummy) and some are more general but here we go.

Sometimes the day seems so long, so I break it up into chunks and plan something in each one. For example, one day I might plan playgroup in the morning, then that afternoon baking with DD2. After picking up DD1 from school, we will go to the park and then DDs might watch tv or play together whilst I cook dinner. I think of chunks of day time as morning, afternoon up to school pick up time, afternoon after school pick up time, then the evening is after putting girls to bed - I used to think of this as 'my' time without kids but the boundaries are a bit blurry with baby at the mo as he's not in a routine and goes to bed after DDs.

I know I can call on my parents if I'm having a particularly bad day. Sometimes I might want to hold off on it though - say if we've planned for them to come over Wednesday and it's the Tuesday I'm finding difficult. Then I'll say to myself, "hold off phoning for an hour - see how you feel then." So I'll find me and DD2 something to occupy us and what often happens is we get caught up in it and the next time I think about phoning it's a good deal later and I feel a little better, or it's too late in the afternoon to ask - then because it's later in the day I know I have only a few hours to get through, most of which will be taken up and v. busy after DD1 finishes school.

I also make a lot of use of lists, diaries and calendars so I know what's coming up. I can be *really* forgetful and it really helps me feel better when I know where I am with things, bills, money, DDs parties, shopping and so on.

beachbeth

I absolutely agree and identify with everything you say Jo_r. Sometimes my days can stretch out and feel too long and I also break it up into chunks. When Im really bad I can't imagine feeling good but I remind myself over and over that I will feel good again whether its in an hours time or a day and I cling to that thought. I have to keep diaries and write everything down too because my depression makes me fuzzy headed at times and forgetful. If Im particularly stressed about something I just can't remember the trivial things I need to do.

My main coping strategies are to stay at home and busy myself as much as possible and avoid social occasions. If I must attend a social occasion I try to make sure Im surrounded by people who understand me and can help me should I start to panic.

Sssssss

I try to look at the next good event in my life just after the event that is stressing me out. Sometimes it's something as simple as picking my son up from school. I tend to feel worse first thing in the morning when I first wake up and just think about the time when I'll be going back to bed with a good book.

beachbeth

Sssssss wrote: »

I tend to feel worse first thing in the morning when I first wake up and just think about the time when I'll be going back to bed with a good book.

I know what you mean. The first thing I think when I wake up is "what day is it?" and "what have I got to do/where have I got to go today" then I feel relieved if I know I haven't got to do anything specifically. Some days I feel just the same as you say and Im just looking forward to being able to go to bed and watch tv until I fall asleep.

Carmen_Queasy

edited to protect anonymity

Sssssss

Carmen_Queasy wrote: »

Hi, I'm new here. I've been reading through this thread there's so much I can relate to though I've not been formally diagnosed with anything as yet. I have an appointment to see the doc a week on Thursday because I'm struggling to cope with everything right now especially money worries. I'm hoping for some medication that will make my mind work properly again so I can concentrate and cope, I'm just so dozy and useless right now and beginning to hate myself for it. Oh well, at least I can say I've taken the first step now though...

Hi and welcome. Well done on taking that first step. I still remember the huge sense of relief when I finally accepted what my doctor told me. As you say it is the first step, but a step in the right direction. Keep us posted.