The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

absolutebounder

worried_1 wrote: »

I received an email, a very supportive one come to that

This just shows that one cant second guess the future. One shouldnt worry about the future too much as it may never happen

and they have decided that I can make arrangements to pay it back. Although I'm relieved that its not going to court, I can't help feeling disgusted with myself and guilty. I'm still felling low and can't seem to get the motivation to get it together.

Guilt is a nasty emotion but you shouldnt really feel it as it tends to be there because you are worried about other peoples perceptions of you.

Can't believe I have to wait quite a while to see a counsellor, seems that the waiting list is very long.

There isnt a person here that hasnt done something they regretted or are ashamed of. Its not the fact that you did it that counts but much more so how you put it right. Paying it back may be hard but at least it will let you show what you really can do and should help your self esteem.

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

Thanks, Sssssss. I wasn't in my tribunal very long and they gave me the points to reinstate my IB!:T Im so relieved!

Well done.
Rather as in my post to worried1 above, we do not know the future. If you read someof your previous posts and see how depressed youi were you can now see that all is not doom and gloom and the future can be good. Your depression is actually giving you the things you said in a previous post that you wanted. Now is the time to accept that you dont have to worry about work or income (thats hubbys job) and you can get on with being a houseperson without worrying about what other people think. I guess when thats done the depression will lift somewhat.

Jo_R_2

I'd love to go back to work. I'm worried I wouldn't be able to handle it. Baby's still a bit young yet and we can manage with just OH working, but I'd love to be getting out of the house, not only earning money but stimulating my brain - I crave that again. Ideally working maybe 2/2.5/3 days then having a couple of days with the kids.

I just don't want to set myself up to fail if I find myself not wanting to leave the house, not able to manage and so on. Oh what to do

absolutebounder

Jo_R wrote: »

I just don't want to set myself up to fail if I find myself not wanting to leave the house, not able to manage and so on. Oh what to do

In what way specifically would you be failing if you found you didnt want to go out of the house

Jo_R_2

absolutebounder wrote: »

In what way specifically would you be failing if you found you didnt want to go out of the house

I'd be failing in the sense that I would have made a commitment to my employer to go to work and then I would not be fulfilling that commitment. I honestly think having something to engage my brain, stimulate me and theoretically get me out of the house would be good for me - but that's not accounting for those days where I cannot face leaving the house or talking to people.

I know from being in my last job how hard it was just to walk out of the door and most of the time towards the end of that job I wasn't even managing to get out of the house to the car.

The best situation for me would be where I'm doing something where I know I can fulfil a certain amount of responsibility, nothing supervisory or too responsible, then once I felt confident in doing that, anything on top would be a bonus and a confidence boost.

Does that make sense?

beachbeth

Jo_R wrote: »

I know from being in my last job how hard it was just to walk out of the door and most of the time towards the end of that job I wasn't even managing to get out of the house to the car.

I know exactly what you mean. This is just how I was before I left work. If I did make it to the car I would be driving along in tears all the way there.

As you say, its the days when you can't face going that make it difficult. How many employers would take you on if you said "I will try to come in as often as I can but if Im having a bad day then I won't be able to make it"

Sssssss

Jo_R wrote: »

I'd love to go back to work. I'm worried I wouldn't be able to handle it. Baby's still a bit young yet and we can manage with just OH working, but I'd love to be getting out of the house, not only earning money but stimulating my brain - I crave that again. Ideally working maybe 2/2.5/3 days then having a couple of days with the kids.

I just don't want to set myself up to fail if I find myself not wanting to leave the house, not able to manage and so on. Oh what to do

Hi every1 nice to see some posts on here again also nice to have youu back AB.

Jo_R, as you might remember I just restarted work a few months ago after nearly 2 years off. I agree there are / were days when it was v v tough to get out of the house. But in my case the worst was getting out, once I was on my way and at work everything was fine. If you can find a job the you enjoy that will help a lot as well, good luck and I say go for it.

absolutebounder

Jo_R wrote: »

I'd be failing in the sense that I would have made a commitment to my employer to go to work and then I would not be fulfilling that commitment.

This happens a lot. Would you feel a failure if you said to your boss on friday "see you monday but over the weekend you were sick and couldnt make it to work?

I honestly think having something to engage my brain, stimulate me and theoretically get me out of the house would be good for me

I would agree and this is probably good for everyone

- but that's not accounting for those days where I cannot face leaving the house or talking to people.

You seem to be accounting for them before they have happened


I know from being in my last job how hard it was just to walk out of the door and most of the time towards the end of that job I wasn't even managing to get out of the house to the car.

Will the new job be the same? You might love it so much you cant wait to get out of the house

The best situation for me would be where I'm doing something where I know I can fulfil a certain amount of responsibility, nothing supervisory or too responsible, then once I felt confident in doing that, anything on top would be a bonus and a confidence boost.

Does that make sense?

your post makes a lot of sense. I would say with a new baby its too early toget back to work at the moment but a lot of your fears are future fears which is no surprise because all fear is of something in the future but as people have shown on here you cant second guess the future so why worry about it.

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

a lot of your fears are future fears which is no surprise because all fear is of something in the future but as people have shown on here you cant second guess the future so why worry about it.

But when you have an illness, whether physical or mental, you know how it has worked in the past and so know how it will be likely to affect you again in certain situations. I spent years convincing myself that this time things would be different and that my depression wouldn't beat me. I would go in to work, try to relax through any anxiety and try to keep busy and my depression wouldn't ruin my day. It never worked.

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

But when you have an illness, whether physical or mental, you know how it has worked in the past and so know how it will be likely to affect you again in certain situations.

There are a lot of flaws here. How do you think the spanish tennis would have gone if federrer was thinking like that?

I spent years convincing myself that this time things would be different and that my depression wouldn't beat me. I would go in to work, try to relax through any anxiety and try to keep busy and my depression wouldn't ruin my day. It never worked.

thsi is the power of the unconcious mind. There is a rule in psychology. Where attention goes energy flows. So if you put your attention to something your unconcious helps it come true bu the unconcious is not good with negatives so if you focus on something not happening it often does. Negatives also tie up the brain eg if I say I dont have a lawnmower you think of a lawnmower and negate it. if I say I dont have a lawn mover that doesnt work you brain has to work harder. If I say i couldnt not possibly have a lawn mower that doesnt work you brain is probably now in a knot and so confused any instruction that comes after that sentence is likely to be acted on.
It seems to be a symptom of depression that negatives are uised much more which leads to attention going in the wrong areas and confusion.