Feel a bit sick :(

ceridwen

We ALL make mistakes - I could "bend your ears" for hours listing the ones I've made in my time...:rolleyes: I positively cringe when I think of some of the errors I've made in my life - both financially and otherwise. But I cant go on beating myself up about them - just learn from them/make good where possible and move on. Maybe your ex has had a go at your confidence level? Maybe thats something he meant to do - rather than it being an accidental byproduct? (though that could be just me being rather aware of someone deliberately trying to "chip away" at my own confidence level right now thats making me think that - so feel free to ignore me on that...)

You've got to work things out on the practical level - re what to do about those clothes of yours and that Council Tax to sort things out and ensure that you keep paying-off those debts whilst working abroad. Having done that - then go...

The only thing that puzzles me slightly is that you were originally planning to go to a job with family friends (if my memory serves me aright) and now you're looking more generally around. Maybe the original foreign option might be worth reconsidering?

Anyways - if I were in your position...then I'd sort out the "bits and bobs" and then go...

abby1234519

I think the main problem is that I would be fine in just going but My grandmother keeps telling me I have a bad temper. I don't at all, I am allowed to growl when a car pulls out directly in front of me when I am pushing a shopping trolley across asda carpark. That is perfectly fine. If I had smashed his window now that would be an issue!! But apparently that means I have a temper.
There is also the fact that over the weekend I stayed at my parents and when I came back my Pure Chronos Idocks power cable had been snipped and my mobile internet dongle had vanished. I was flipping furious. But apparently they didn't do it! I think it was her boyfriend. My mum bought me that, she is really upset.
So I just feel like everything and everyone is bringing me down. Out of the £400 council tax I owed, I have paid £200, I have sold enough stuff on ebay (waiting for the payments to come off hold) to settle that but I have to get back into the flat to get some of the stuff

Oh yeah. She told me to get out and not come back to the flat that I am a tenant of. Because of the council tax. Not saying I haven't done something wrong, I have but shes over reacted. She even had the police round. Its my room till the end of the month but now I am homeless and currently staying somewhere that I can't stay for too long as realistically speaking I am not welcome, I am a visitor not a resident

Do I gabble a bit.. Yes

ceridwen

Hmmmm...doesnt sound like my idea of a family - your mother's boyfriend damaging/nicking some of your belongings AND I presume he is STILL your mothers boyfriend. Nice taste in men she hasnt got....

I wouldnt take your grandmothers word for it whether you have a temper or no - what is the general consensus of opinion amongst people about this? If you see work colleagues/friends/etc cringing in advance of you opening your mouth - then, yep, could be you have a temper. But - dont take one persons word for it - whoever she is - it may be that they are saying that in order to stop you getting in a temper with THEM when its justified. Getting in a temper with your mother and her boyfriend in the circumstances you mentioned would be justifiable - and would NOT mean you "have a temper" per se. Even in a standard/conventional family where ones parents do care about you (which is what I have personally) - there have been a few incidents where I have had to have a sharp word with my mother - as she overstepped the mark with invading my privacy or being nasty to someone in front of me - so everyone has a few occasions where a sharp word or two is necessary.

I'm a little confused about your housing circumstances - are you saying that you were living in your mothers flat with her (and that boyfriend)?

Caroline73_2

I read it as Abby went away to her parents and on returning to her flat then the flaatmate and boyfriend had done these horrible things.

Abby - I got married at your age because I had a sensible job and a steady boyfriend and thought it was what I should do. I knew it wasn't what I wanted from life as I hadn't seen the world or done anything interesting. You have no ties so go and have fun!!!!

catz1ct

I hope you are doing ok. It sounds like a fantastic opportunity.

view

Hi there..

It sounds like a fantastic opportunity. As someone said before, sounds like you don't have many ties and could just go in a second if you wanted to.

Don't worry about your work - or feel guilty for leaving (if you do). When I was younger I used to feel guilty handing in notice, but at the end of the day, if your work wanted you gone, would they feel a bit of guilt? Not likely! That's what a real 'work experience' is all about - learning from others, passing on skills. You too will pass on skills one day that you have learnt. You can't stay in that job forever beacuse you feel guilty leaving someone who has taught you something!!

You don't walk out of a country leaving a job to never return to another! that's ridiculous - just because I left Australia 7 years ago you think I couldn't walk back in and get another job? Of course! Leaving one job when you were 19 means nothing and you're right, your experience as an au pair would definitely hold you in high steading if you wanted the same ish job over here. My mum went to be an Au pair in Paris when she was 23 and she still raved on about when she was 50!

You need to do what is right for you. You're young, you've got the world at your feet. I travelled around a lot all over Australia when I was your age, working in varying places and loving it. Nothing quite like just taking off when you have no ties.

Go broaden your horizon, it's a big bad exciting world out there!

Go for it and don't look back.

PS I had an awful boss once when I was 19 - now I am in my 30's and if I was treated now how I was treated then he would not stand a chance! Don't let yourself be bullied by this little man - go for it!

Best of luck

GJ x

ceridwen

Hmmm....I'm more concerned now that O.P. is letting her confidence get sabotaged by family and/or ex-boyfriend. I well know that people sometimes do this deliberately and dont wish to see this happen to anyone else...hence why I'm wondering a bit about what else is going on hereabouts...

I well remember having precious little confidence at this age myself - hence my concern.

abby1234519

I really want to go to Paris, but is it just because I am selfish and want a fabbbbbbulous life? When I have debt and don't deserve it?

I can't leave someone in the lurch whilst I owe the council tax. I've got £200 left to pay and I've sold £149 on ebay already but funds aren't released yet. I have to get my stuff from the flat

ceridwen

Abby - so who has told you that you are being selfish? PROVIDED you keep paying off your debts when due - then you are NOT being selfish. Selfish would be if you intended to run off and leave those debts unpaid - and your creditors were left out of pocket. As you say that you intend to keep on paying off your debts as per plan - then I see no evidence of selfishness from where I'm standing.

Re getting your stuff from the flat - have you got a hefty male friend you can take round with you when you go to fetch it? I dont know your circumstances enough to know whether it would be best to give notice or no that you intend to go and fetch your stuff. I can only say what I personally would do - which is take a couple of large male friends with me and turn up unexpectedly at a time when I knew someone would be at home in the flat to let us in - and my friends and I would just go in and take my stuff and go. The "large" accompanying friends would just be with me to look good - I wouldnt intend them to actually DO anything other than help me carry my stuff away.

Alternatively - do you have a key to the flat still? In which case - work out a time when no-one will be in and just nip in and fetch your stuff without telling your ex you were going to. I would imagine he hasnt got round to changing the locks?

By the way - is there something wrong with wanting "a fabulousssss life"??

lynzpower

abby1234519 wrote: »

I really want to go to Paris, but is it just because I am selfish and want a fabbbbbbulous life? When I have debt and don't deserve it?

I can't leave someone in the lurch whilst I owe the council tax. I've got £200 left to pay and I've sold £149 on ebay already but funds aren't released yet. I have to get my stuff from the flat

What is selfish Abby? Wanting the best for yourself? Is that what selfish is?

If thats the case Im uttefly selfish, as I want, a nice job, nice home, enough money, interesting travels, lovely boyfreind etc etc, and I AM NOT willing to settle for anything less!

Why should you? If this is selfish, dig in, I call it aspiration :beer:

I think your family are pi***ed off you are leaving them behind, its unacceptable for your gran to say those things to you. If grring at a car is a temper, then hells bells, your gran is just triying to undermine you and what you can achieve. My gran (lovely woman but totally tactless) said "oh youll never make anything of your life, your not really that bright" in the end i just went like this :rolleyes: then this and :A

So what what people think

It sounds to me like your family/ freinds/ landlord/ are all hideous creatures ands you are best off out of it . The sooner you get away from these sabotagers the better imo