Money wedding gift. How much to give

buxtonrabbitgreen

I f someone invited me to a wedding and asked for money, especially a specific minimum amount. I simply would say no thank you I am not coming. I don't mind present lists and don't care if the recipient thinks I am mean. I don't have spare money. And if I didn't get a thankyou that would be the last from me as well. A couple of nieces and nephews are off the present list now.
I don't mind if the grandchildren, nieces and nephews just phone or e mail to say thanks. If they can't be bothered to do that then I can't be bothered to spend my money on them.

And to the op. Yes if you want to give money I am sure they will be very pleased with £20

Mrs_Optimist

I would just send a card, no money.

pretzelnut

I would just send a card.

Your not going after all and the money they will save on the food costs should be more than enough.

We had so many people not turn up to our wedding after saying they were coming that in total it would have saved us £600 if they had just said - we cant make it.

When i got married, most of my immediate family helped pay for things for the wedding, my brothers went 1/3 on paying for the DJ, my mum bought my dress, my dad paid for the flowers, my auntie paid for our wedding cake. But to be honest this is what our family have always been like since i was tiny, if anyone was having a christening, weding or funeral, we all chip in what we can afford. No offence is taken if no one chips in.

When it came to the actual wedding, we stated that gifts or cash were NOT expected as there presence was the most important thing, a lot of family members were on tight budgets at the time.

SOme even said they couldnt come as they couldnt afford new outfits fr the day and we replied with - come in whatever you feel comfortable in we just want you to share our day, so my uncle came in boardies and a hawaiian shirt, that had us in sticthes all day. He never was a suit man anyway.

My mum got married a few months back and also said that their presence was more important as now many of our family live at tehe other end of the country so it would have cost them a fortune in travel and hotels. She was extremely surprised at the amount of gift cards they did receive. I paid for the wedding car which cost me £350 and i didnt mind 1 bit as i knew it was the car my mum wanted.

If i went to a wedding where i didnt know people to well, like a distant relative of my DF, then we would give cash or vouchers.

But if we knew them well we would buy them something more personnal. We dont have a problem with people asking for contributions towards a honeymoon for example as it means our gift will at least get used.

BUT we would give only what we could afford even if it was only £5.

Im going to a christening on sunday if i get out of the hospital in time after having my baby and i asked what the baby needed as i didnt want to get a silver money box as from experience and a drawer full of them there is no point.

Mum said she wasnt having the christening for the gifts and really didnt want anything, so we went to the ELC and bought her a baby crawl mat, something that she can use now rather than have it sitting in a drawer never being used. Plus i think the traditional christening gifts like silver money boxes, bracelets and the rest should be left for the immediate family to buy.

never_enough

princesswoo wrote: »

I would just send a card.

Your not going after all and the money they will save on the food costs should be more than enough.

We had so many people not turn up to our wedding after saying they were coming that in total it would have saved us £600 if they had just said - we cant make it.

That's just so rude, I can't believe someone would do that except in very exceptional circumstances! :mad:

When i got married, most of my immediate family helped pay for things for the wedding, my brothers went 1/3 on paying for the DJ, my mum bought my dress, my dad paid for the flowers, my auntie paid for our wedding cake. But to be honest this is what our family have always been like since i was tiny, if anyone was having a christening, weding or funeral, we all chip in what we can afford. No offence is taken if no one chips in.

When it came to the actual wedding, we stated that gifts or cash were NOT expected as there presence was the most important thing, a lot of family members were on tight budgets at the time.

SOme even said they couldnt come as they couldnt afford new outfits fr the day and we replied with - come in whatever you feel comfortable in we just want you to share our day, so my uncle came in boardies and a hawaiian shirt, that had us in sticthes all day.

Loved this, your wedding sounds lots of fun!


He never was a suit man anyway.

OP £20 is more than adequate.

I really hate the grabby-ness of the whole wedding circus. Guests shouldn't feel the need to spend more than they can afford & hosts shouldn't expect anything. Then they'll be nicely surprised if they get something.
We ran away to get married, so no one was invited . We still got loads of presents & all but a couple were cheques or vouchers, it was amazing that people were so generous. Our two favourite was a pair of goats through Oxfam & a silver photo frame. One of my mum's elderly neighbours sent us a cheque for £10 & it made me cry like a baby (I blamed the jet-lag! )

morocha

Sending a £20 note is very kind... when we got married we had a couple of notes saying they could not come, but sent us money anyway... we came across the problem that many people wanted to know the wedding list as giving money was not an option.. we then did one in Argos, the most expensive thing i think it was £25-30, we didnt want anybody to feel bad. it was a wedding, not a place for people to feel bad... anyway we did received a lot of presents that were not in the list and money ,,, the total added up around £800, we were surprised, people giving from £5 to £50... we did feel sorry for the ones that gave more than they could afford...

carolan78

littleemmie wrote: »

I'm reading this thread with great interest as my OH and I don't know what to do about his brother's wedding, where OH is best man. We know that the bride and groom would like money as a present, and although I have been dead against it for a number of reasons, I've been thinking today I should just shut up and put up with it! The trouble is, how much do we give? OH is best man but he's not that close to his brother in reality. So far we've paid £150 for the hotel, we are both taking the day before off work as MIL wants us to help with the preparations, it is a 4 hour journey to get there and we've got the hire/purchase of OH's suit. Baring in mind we have very little money at the moment, and I'm facing unemployment soon, we were thinking around £20 - £30 as a gift. Reading this thread has made me think we ought to spend more though

When we got married DH had his two closest friends as bestman, we paid for thier suit hire and they paid for their hotel that was their gift to us and it was more than enough. I think some ppl need to realise it isn't about the gifts you recieve, which yes they are nice money or otherwise. More importantly you are sharing your love and special day with those that matter the most to you. That in it's self is priceless

morocha

Well, in Spain you pay for your food, you estimate how much your food cost and then give that to the couple, and of course the gift.

Katie-Kat-Kins

dizziblonde wrote: »

I'm digging my heels in about an upcoming family wedding where they've requested cash - I will buy a gift I've spent time and effort thinking about, rather than be a walking chequebook. It's just something I personally dislike, reducing your wedding guests to a tenner, or fifty quid or the like

I agree entirely.

The OP should give the amount she feels comfortable with or buy a gift or whatever she likes, nothing is obligatory.

I had an invitation with a money poem and a request that cheques be made payable to XXX - Um NO I'll give you what I want to give you as it is a gift not a tax or a demand.

I bought them a lovely gift that was priced at more than the gift they bought us for our wedding but that I was able to utilise vouchers to buy and that I knew she would find useful. You shouldn't feel pressured to buy a certain type of gift or to spend a certain amount.

chelle2k9

I've been reading this with a lot of interest as I have 2 weddings to attend in the same fortnight in Nov and the general amount which seems to be acceptable round our way is a minimum of 50.00 per couple attending! we cant really afford this but at same time don't want to look mean. weddings seem to have completely gone mad in th last few years!