Money wedding gift. How much to give

DKLS

Depending on how flush I was at the time, I have given anything from £20 to £500.

We are planning our wedding for next February, and we are thinking of going down the no gift route, we don't actually need anything between us we have everything we need and want, and we both have good jobs, and can pay for the day without issue.
I'd rather guests enjoy sharing our day, company, food and booze, and avoid any resentment over gift levels.

Do you think guests would be offended, if we said that if you do want to gift anything please send it to the local hospice?

newlywed

frankie55 wrote: »

It's not the 'giving' that I mind in modern weddings, it's that you never get a proper Thank You! Both my neices married late last year, one for the third time, she has also had 5 engagement parties, gifts to them all, and the other neice married in Las Vegas so we couldn't afford to go, but from neither, apart from a thanks as we handed them over and not opend at the time, have we recieved an acknowledgement of the gift. I don't mind giving money or gift vouchers, better than a gift they hate, but I would like to know that they appreceiated the present......yeahhhh I am getting old..........

We spent hours making cards by hand and writing thank you notes to all who gave gifts. Every note was personal to say what we used the vouchers/money for, or thanking them for their specific gift.

The only ones we couldn't thank were presents where the card wasn't attached so by the time someone collected and dropped off our presents to us, we had no idea who gave it!

After one wedding we attended, we received a computer printed note saying thank you for sharing our day.... realised then how our personal thank you notes to others were worth all the effort (though it did take us a few months to sort it all out).

It's not completely an age thing (I'm in my 30's) - it's a good manners thing


We had a present list but didn't include it with the invites as I didn't want others to think it was a condition of their invite! So just gave details to those who asked Others gave us cash, vouchers etc and all were appreciated - even more so the £10 voucher from a pensioner.

Personally, I really appreciated the wedding cards from those who didn't/couldn't attend - even some not invited sent us cards - it was lovely to know they were thinking of us and wishing us well, better than any present.

johnmcgrath

I think it depends on how much you feel comfortable both financially and emotionally giving. It seemed like most people spent between $50 to $100 on us. But, younger people spent little less. The people who were closest to us spent much more.

Poppy9

DKLS wrote: »

Do you think guests would be offended, if we said that if you do want to gift anything please send it to the local hospice?

I've been to big birthday parties and wedding anniversary parties where it's been stated on the invite that they would welcome donations to X charity or that there will be charity collection boxes at the venue. Some have even done mock auctions in aid of charity and they have raided their LP collection. Oh for the chance to bid for a David Cassidy album:D

Always gone down very well amongst people I know.

laurel7172

Poppy9 wrote: »

When I get notes like this with invitations then I think it's an outright request for money.

When I get invites saying it's your presence not your present wanted but you can donate to a favourite charity then I feel more generous towards the party throwers!

I wanted to suggest no gifts for my children's christenings-with a charity donation if people really wanted. This was as much about avoiding acquiring a dozen moneyboxes we didn't want as anything. But the grandmothers had blue fits and said everyone would be terribly offended.

So, Save the Children lost out and I have two crates of assorted Beatrix Potter and silver plated tat taking up space in the loft. I don't want to sound ungrateful but...I suppose I am. The thing is, I know most of it was given by people who hate it just as much as I do, but were trapped by what they thought they had to buy as a christening gift. Wonder how upset people would be if they caught me Ebaying it?:eek:

SailorSam

When i first saw the thread, my immediate thought was £50 perhaps £100. but that's because we don't have a large extended family and do see one another, But maybe in the OPs case where she does not see her niece £20 is fine especially if a hand made card was sent.
As other posters have said my problem comes when there have been previous weddings or engagements. I thought the idea of wedding gifts was to help the couple starting out in life, but it's more common now that people already have their own homes and everything they need, and have often lived together for years. In those circumstances, your company should be all you need to bring........and a nice card.

Sarahlou_2

kittie wrote: »

gosh this thread is turning around, I an surprised that some people wouldn`t appreciate £20

anyway, I have decided to send a cheque for £20 in a lovely hand made card

That's a lovely gesture, I hope they have the decency to thank you personally. Nothing winds me up more than giving a gift at a wedding, christening etc and not getting a thank you. Grrrrrrrrrr. Maybe it was how I was brought up but I'm 28 and still write thank you notes for any presents I receive, same goes for my 4 year old. In laws think it's "weird".

Sarahlou_2

newlywed wrote: »

We spent hours making cards by hand and writing thank you notes to all who gave gifts. Every note was personal to say what we used the vouchers/money for, or thanking them for their specific gift.

The only ones we couldn't thank were presents where the card wasn't attached so by the time someone collected and dropped off our presents to us, we had no idea who gave it!

After one wedding we attended, we received a computer printed note saying thank you for sharing our day.... realised then how our personal thank you notes to others were worth all the effort (though it did take us a few months to sort it all out).

It's not completely an age thing (I'm in my 30's) - it's a good manners thing


We had a present list but didn't include it with the invites as I didn't want others to think it was a condition of their invite! So just gave details to those who asked Others gave us cash, vouchers etc and all were appreciated - even more so the £10 voucher from a pensioner.

Personally, I really appreciated the wedding cards from those who didn't/couldn't attend - even some not invited sent us cards - it was lovely to know they were thinking of us and wishing us well, better than any present.

Ah sorry guys - didn't see this before posting! Someone else shares my views :T

choccybuttons

dieselhead wrote: »

I wondered what the opinions are about these schemes where you can have gifts as money towards the honeymoon, I have noticed there are a few companies that offer this.

To me that sounds lovely as one thing I would really love is a holiday of a lifetime type honeymoon. I believe that it works in the same way as a wedding list and the company supplies you with a list of people who have contributed for you to thank.

How do people feel about this, is it better than just asking for money??

Hi

Only problem I have is that there is a minimum. We are going to a wedding that has one and has a £20 minimum. Which is alot of money for us. I hate lists that require you to spend a certain amount. At least with lists in shops the minimum is £5.00.

choccybuttons

OMG I live in NI and heading to my first irish wedding. They have a list and Im planning to give 20 euro's from me and DH and we dont have much money and MIL is paying for our accomadation as an early xmas present.