Money wedding gift. How much to give

swiss69

Wedding presents in years gone by were to help people start a home and were therefore useful. Nowadays dont people have everything anyway? Attending weddings is enough in my opinion. I am getting married later this year and dont want anything. Trying to convince my partner is another thing as she seems to think its the norm. Personally I think asking for money is distasteful as it makes people think about how they might appear if they only donate what they can afford. They will then donate more than they normally would to not lose face whether they can afford it or not.

Poppy9

dieselhead wrote: »

How do people feel about this, is it better than just asking for money??

No it's the same thing IMO.

When I married I had gifts from most guests I think (not actually sure as is was over 20 years ago and I didn't tick off who attended and who gifted). We paid for our honeymoon with a £500 bank loan (11 nights in Majorca).

22 years on it's not the venue, the food, the gifts, the outfits or the honeymoon I remember. It's the funny things that people said or did and the actually gathering of people, oh and the things that went wrong like my wedding cake being dropped so I only had 1 1/2 tiers left:D

becs

I think £20 is a lovely gift and I would certainly have been touched to receive it.

Dizziblonde can I just say I completely understand where you're coming from on people asking for money for gifts, however on the point of buying them something it's not something that I feel is a great idea. We have received very well intentioned gifts that have had a lot of thought effort and in some cases time put into them, one of them being a cross stictch piece that someone made by hand for us. It very definately is the thought that counts and in that sense it was appreciated but it just isn't to our tastes at all. We have very contemporary taste and are quite minimal and like modern art etc (proper paintings though none of that damian hurst nonsense!) so we just can't hang it anywhere because it just doesn't go. I feel extremely guilty about this because I know the thought and effort that went into it.

Poppy9

Bet you don't feel as guilty as I did for years when a Nun gave us a plastic mock stain glass "sacred heart" thingy that I kept on a high shelf in my downstairs loo for years. I didn't want to chuck it as it seemed mean and I might have been cursed. Haven't see it for years now, wonder if OH eventually made it disappear!:D

teaspoon1

OP, sending £20 is a handmade card is a lovely gesture, esp since (a) you're pensioners and (b) you're not actually going. She will be very touched and grateful.

To everyone else - I sympathise! I also advise you never to accept an invite to a wedding in Ireland - €100 PER GUEST is considered the minimum acceptable gift for all attendees (that's €200 PER COUPLE), or more if they're your best mate/immediate family. And everyone asks for money as a wedding gift. It is truly shocking. I live in Northern Ireland but have attended a fair few weddings in ROI so I speak from experience.

fernliebee

Poppy9 wrote: »

When I get notes like this with invitations then I think it's an outright request for money.

When I get invites saying it's your presence not your present wanted but you can donate to a favourite charity then I feel more generous towards the party throwers!

Well lucky my family are all very close, so they know when I say this, I truly mean it! I wouldn't have bothered inviting people who I didn't really know as this is not the point IMO. I wanted my close friends and family around me, and did not expect them to spend a fortune in order to be able to turn up. I also said not to bother buying new outfits etc, just wear something they feel comfortable in- I hate wasting money!

belfastgirl23

Personally the handmade card with a thoughtful note inside would be much more welcome than any amount of money

And littleemmie if you can't afford to give money then don't. Tell them you're worried about redundancy but offer to give them a day helping to paint their house or to pop around and leave them in a home cooked meal for when they get back from honeymoon or some similar thoughtful gesture that would be appreciated by them.

frankie55

It's not the 'giving' that I mind in modern weddings, it's that you never get a proper Thank You! Both my neices married late last year, one for the third time, she has also had 5 engagement parties, gifts to them all, and the other neice married in Las Vegas so we couldn't afford to go, but from neither, apart from a thanks as we handed them over and not opend at the time, have we recieved an acknowledgement of the gift. I don't mind giving money or gift vouchers, better than a gift they hate, but I would like to know that they appreceiated the present......yeahhhh I am getting old..........

3plus1

littleemmie wrote: »

The bride and groom will be expecting a gift from us, and I do feel that £20 - £30 from the groom's brother (and best man) is too little, although at the moment there really is not much more we can afford. And if we don't give them anything we will look mean as we are, incorrectly, seen as the 'rich ones'.

I would normally say that £20-30 from the bride/groom's sibling is on the mean side, but if you're having money problems, just turning up in itself should be appreciated. If the groom is your OH's brother, then he should already know you're having problems and not expect owt. You said they weren't close, but they're still brothers... is there no way he can drop into conversation that you're struggling? If he knows you're having money worries, surely he'll understand that you can't give a lot, and will try to talk you out of giving anything?

I don't have a problem with asking for money as a wedding present. Let's be realistic here; when there's a wedding on and you're invited, you know a present is expected of you. I'd be quite happy to contribute money that would either cover (or go some way towards covering) the cost of me being there, or the cost of the honeymoon.

I'd rather give money than vouchers - the company the vouchers are for may go under and then the gift will be wasted. Money on the other hand, can always be spent and is more flexible.

Insisting on choosing and buying a gift when a couple don't want one is a bit off, IMHO. You might think your picture frame is such a lovely thought and it's better than doing what the happy couple requested and giving them vouchers, but so will a dozen other stubborn people and the couple will end with roughly 12 photo frames that they don't particularly like, that don't go together and that they don't have space for.

I think some people prefer to buy presents than give money/vouchers because it's less obvious how much they spent. Whilst a gift of £100 would be appreciated by a close member of family, £5 in a card would also be appreciated if that's all you can afford. If you're that offended, don't buy anything!

If you live close enough, and you're good at something, a gift of time would also be a nice idea. Personally, when I get married, I'd like it to be a small affair. One of my friends is brilliant at making and decorating cakes and I've always hoped that when the time comes, she'll offer to make me a cake for my wedding present instead of buying me anything.

Incidentally, I've always received a thank you card at the weddings I've been to.

MsChazzer

£20 and a nice card is more than enough, I would be very touched if that were me. I'm getting married next month (yikes, first time I've written that!) and I would hate to think people thought they 'had' to give a certain amount, many of them are travelling up from the south of England so have already spent loads coming to the wedding as it is.

I also really don't like the idea that the value of a gift should be equivalent to what it has cost to host you there, it's a gift, not some kind of transaction. Plus the cost of going to a wedding may outstrip the cost of hosting you.

And we've already had a chat about making our thank you cards so will definitely be doing that!