Money wedding gift. How much to give

myrnahaz

I feel much better after reading these replies - we went to our friends' wedding last month and gave £50, which I worried about for ages as I thought I was being stingy (but we couldn't afford any more). Maybe I should ask for a refund, lol!

littleemmie

I'm reading this thread with great interest as my OH and I don't know what to do about his brother's wedding, where OH is best man. We know that the bride and groom would like money as a present, and although I have been dead against it for a number of reasons, I've been thinking today I should just shut up and put up with it! The trouble is, how much do we give? OH is best man but he's not that close to his brother in reality. So far we've paid £150 for the hotel, we are both taking the day before off work as MIL wants us to help with the preparations, it is a 4 hour journey to get there and we've got the hire/purchase of OH's suit. Baring in mind we have very little money at the moment, and I'm facing unemployment soon, we were thinking around £20 - £30 as a gift. Reading this thread has made me think we ought to spend more though

dizziblonde

I'm digging my heels in about an upcoming family wedding where they've requested cash - I will buy a gift I've spent time and effort thinking about, rather than be a walking chequebook. It's just something I personally dislike, reducing your wedding guests to a tenner, or fifty quid or the like - we're getting married in just under a year and I'm not expecting gifts or anything - just people to show up and have a nice day.
But I'm a nutter and refuse to wear a dress as well so...

itzmee

Personally if I wasn't going to a wedding then I wouldn't give anything especially as she's not that close. I wouldn't expect anything if it was the other way round.

littleemmie, i don't see a problem with what you're planning to give especially as you've already paid out so much.

fernliebee

I think £20 is a very nice amount. I gave friends that amount when they married. I prefer people to ask for money as I personally think it's more rude to have a present list. For our wedding nearly 2 years ago, we didn't expect anything at all, and put a letter in with the invites saying we are looking forward to all our friends and family being together and as people have had to travel etc didn't expect gifts, but if they wanted to then money or vouchers would be really useful as we were moving to a new house and had a baby on the way. Also my husband and I have been together for 10 years so had a toaster and a kettle, and don't drink so champagne flute's are out!

Poppy9

fernliebee wrote: »

I think £20 is a very nice amount. I gave friends that amount when they married. I prefer people to ask for money as I personally think it's more rude to have a present list. For our wedding nearly 2 years ago, we didn't expect anything at all, and put a letter in with the invites saying we are looking forward to all our friends and family being together and as people have had to travel etc didn't expect gifts, but if they wanted to then money or vouchers would be really useful as we were moving to a new house and had a baby on the way. Also my husband and I have been together for 10 years so had a toaster and a kettle, and don't drink so champagne flute's are out!

When I get notes like this with invitations then I think it's an outright request for money.

When I get invites saying it's your presence not your present wanted but you can donate to a favourite charity then I feel more generous towards the party throwers!

omen666

£20 is ridiculous. A round £100 IMHO

oystercatcher

When we got married almost five years ago (my second marriage, his first) we were given gifts of £10 and £20 by some of DH's distant and elderly relatives and we were very touched and grateful, we knew these people were thinking of us and wishing well even though we hadn't even invited them as we were having a very small event.

To my mind it's the thought that goes into gifts rather than the value. And yes money does involve thought.

I dislike choosing gifts if there isn't a list as I know my taste is unique and not what others may wish to have in their home !
It is a bit cheeky for couples to ask for money though.

Oystercather

bestpud

I'd be very happy to receive £20 from a relative I do not know that well.

Tbh, I'd appreciate a card with a thoughtful message, but no money, just as much though.

Timmne

littleemmie wrote: »

I'm reading this thread with great interest as my OH and I don't know what to do about his brother's wedding, where OH is best man. We know that the bride and groom would like money as a present, and although I have been dead against it for a number of reasons, I've been thinking today I should just shut up and put up with it! The trouble is, how much do we give? OH is best man but he's not that close to his brother in reality. So far we've paid £150 for the hotel, we are both taking the day before off work as MIL wants us to help with the preparations, it is a 4 hour journey to get there and we've got the hire/purchase of OH's suit. Baring in mind we have very little money at the moment, and I'm facing unemployment soon, we were thinking around £20 - £30 as a gift. Reading this thread has made me think we ought to spend more though

My brother was my best man and he was an absolute legend. He met up with me a good few times before the wedding, was there when my wife and I needed his help (usually wisdom!) with something and this is all not to mention the amount he spent over the whole do.

We never in a million years would have expected a present from him - he actually did give us something which was an amazing photobook of our wedding day plus the stag and hen do. It was fantastic to think him and his girlfriend had put so much effort into it.

I wouldn't worry about giving them anything TBH; and being frank, giving £20-30 (as best man) is not worth doing - if they're not expecting a gift then they'll feel bad that you've had to forgo the money and if they're a little more greedy than some, they may consider it too little - brides and grooms to be can become a little demanding! If you give nothing, they'll know it's because you don't need to, rather than didn't want to.