Support for people with Depression

Miroslav

I hope everyone is well.

Feeling particularly low tonight. Don't know why. Missing my cat alot today. Not that I don't other days, but today just is getting to me.

Struggling in general right now. I just hate life.

Happy Birthday to Maytaurus. I hope you have had a good day.

b3nton

This thread is grim, grim, grim.

Summer is on it's way. Think barbeques, beer and sun!!!

Jo_R_2

Morning all!

Been up quite early as per in the week as OH is working this morning It's good because for the extra cash but he works such long days anyway that it's another where I have to do the mornings by myself and it can be a bit lonely sometimes.

However when he comes back the girls are staying at my parents tonight and we're going to view a house later on. So might get a chance after to take it easy a bit - it's nice when OH is here to have someone to share the load a bit

Getting a bit envious of my sister. She's getting married later this year and has been talking to me about the arrangements, and it's making me feel a bit put out as OH hasn't really shown much interest. I was ecstatic when he proposed but that's been it. People have been talking about how they've had really long engagements, how their OHs have preferred to leave things to the woman to organise and so on, and I admit I did do my best to get the idea in his head (he'd initially mentioned it though!)

So I'm worried now I pushed him too much and kinda wish I'd left him to his own devices as I know he wanted to propose and do a big proposal and I feel I've lost my chance of that as well. Oh I know it doesn't matter in the scheme of things how he proposed but I'm starting to think a big proposal would have been nice. What can I say, I'm never happy!

roxalana

Hi all,

I think today has been the best day I have had in absolutely ages!

I got up late but didn't worry about not getting stuff done (I am on annual leave from work for a bit). I had a really long bath. Went into town and managed to get 2 tops and a pair of sandals from charity shops. Had the nicest meal I've had this year with my OH at a restaurant I thought was out of our price range but had a special set lunch menu and we had been given a 15% off voucher so it came to £20 for the 2 of us including drinks and tip (and we shared a starter!)!

We then continued shopping because I needed some cropped jeans for my hol as last years don't fit and was having nooo luck and out of desperation tried primark. I normally avoid primark because it is normally such an agressive and unpleasant shopping experience and nothing normally fits me but it was late in the day and it was pretty empty. I managed to get cropped jeans, black plimsolls, a swimming costume and a pair of bikini bottoms that all fit for less than £14!!! I didn't have to queue for the changing rooms and the cashier was really friendly and polite!

We walked home which was nice and I had a peppermint tea at a cafe which was really nice (it was yogi tea - will have to buy some!). We got some reduced lamb chops that were 70% off for tea and I made jam roly poly for the first time

To everyone who is having a bad time, eventually you will have a day like today. Totally unexpected and brilliant. I think to have so many amazing things happen in one day is a fluke but if just one brilliant thing happens to you I think it is important to notice it and remember it for when things aren't so good

beachbeth

roxalana wrote: »

To everyone who is having a bad time, eventually you will have a day like today. Totally unexpected and brilliant. I think to have so many amazing things happen in one day is a fluke but if just one brilliant thing happens to you I think it is important to notice it and remember it for when things aren't so good

I think this is true. When you are down and things are going bad, it is hard to imagine that life can be any other way. But you have to cling on to good times and remember that they will come along again. Life can be s**t but it can also be lovely at times too.

shazrobo

feel sick, ian isn't working, and his team aren't playing today, and still he dosent want to see us, rather be in pub watching rugby on tv with his mates.
feeling very used and very hurt, and i know once kids in bed i'm gonna get so upset and angry, at mo, trying to hold it in for the kids sake. going to miss him so much, but i know what i have to do

shaz xxx

Jo_R_2

Shaz, maybe being apart is the best thing for you and Ian. God knows I had so many similar conversations with my OH about such similar things, I really feel for you :grouphug:

Me and OH at one point were constantly falling out about how much he went out, I felt like he fitted me in around his social life as he knew there was no way I could go out as much as him (not that I had the inclination to!) so I'd get slotted in on his 'quiet' evenings, and if I could go out with him of an evening, that was a bonus, if not then I pretty much knew I'd be planning an evening without him.

Last year we had a really tough patch a few months into my pregnancy when he decided to go on a holiday he'd initially asked me to go on which I said I couldn't as it coincided with when DD1 started school. I was incredibly hurt (and being honest it still does even now months after) as he knew we wouldn't have another opportunity with baby on the way, both financially and in terms of what time he could get off work) and we'd been talking for a while about getting away together before baby was born. He had also been talking a lot about saving up towards a house and suchlike and I really felt it spoke volumes about where his priorities lay.

Somehow we got through it and luckily he is absolutely great now both as my OH and baby's daddy. But like you I had my doubts, even as far as way into my pregnancy, as to whether he'd actually change, and baby wasn't planned so I really took a chance on that.

I guess I can't offer you a solution but that you have to do what's right for you. I stuck it out, things were up and down, I can't say they were always terrible in terms of him going out as obviously I wouldn't have stuck that, and he did respond when I gave him an ultimatum, but then let things slip again. What I can say is that Ian sounds very much like my OH was, a creature of habit when it came to socialising.



I had a vaguely similar situation with my ex (DDs' father) and luckily I had the courage and strength eventually to throw him out because I knew how he acted was not what I wanted from a relationship and I was sure he did not want to change. I know you have shown huge strength in your life and I am sure that ultimately you will do what is right for YOU. The hard thing is that what is right is not always easy, and the way I see it is as thus:

1. You stick with Ian, knowing how he is and how you feel about that, either hoping he will change or accepting that is how it is;
2. You stick with Ian in the interim, knowing it's not really what you want but you need to take some time to find the strength to make a break;
3. You break up with Ian, making a clean break; or finally
4. You break up with Ian in the hope he takes your feelings on board and starts to give a little more.

How are you feeling at the mo Shaz? xxx

shazrobo

feeling terrible, been texting him, and he says he likes his weekends to himself, and i either accept it, or i don't. already told him its not usual for a couple never to see each other at weekends. feel like i'm being used, he see's me for company and a bit of the other always to fit in around him,
thanbks for takin the time to reply, feel so alone and scared

shaz xxx

beachbeth

Sorry to hear how things are, Shaz. Its really hurtful when you are treated like this. Sometimes men are so blinkered and can't see what is important and what isn't. I hope things get better for you no matter what course you decide to take.

I know it may sound daft but I think if it was me I would fall out with him in my head and not tell him. I would live my life as though we had already split up - make plans etc that don't involve him. Don't text him or contact him and just act as though he is history. When he turns up surprised that you are acting differently you may find that you no longer need him in your life. Im not saying you have to do this, but I would be tempted to give it a try just to see how I am able to do without him.

geminilady

shazrobo wrote: »

feeling terrible, been texting him, and he says he likes his weekends to himself, and i either accept it, or i don't. already told him its not usual for a couple never to see each other at weekends. feel like i'm being used, he see's me for company and a bit of the other always to fit in around him,
thanbks for takin the time to reply, feel so alone and scared

shaz xxx

Shaz,You are not alone when you have this thread.From what you say Ian sounds a very selfish man, the relationship has to be his way or not at all.Maybe he thinks you are so desperate for his company you will except it,but you are not happy with the way things are and the longer it goes on the more it will chip away at your self esteem.You deserve better,i know you are scared of having nobody but you managed to meet Ian and there are lots of guys out there who want a proper relationship.