Support for people with Depression

jenniewb

shazrobo wrote: »

thanks for the reply jennie, yes joshua is one of my sons, i have twins, both with similar problems.
i have called the police many times, he has been arrested and received cautions, even having spent a little time in a cell. its like he forgets everything during a rage, and then makes silly excuses for his behaviour, like its not his fault?
think i will try ringing my cpn again, she only works part time, and if i cant get hold of her, i'll ring the gp.
as for telling him he would have to live elsewhere, he seems to enjoy that idea, more of a way to get away from his twin brother, they dont get along at all.

on a seperate note, me and ian going thru a bad patch again, whats new lol he just wants the fun times without any of the stress. last night i gave him an ultimatum, we either have a relationship where we share good and bad times, and talk about problems, or we just stay friends. can't handle being in a relationship right now, where there is no emotional support. where i get ignored if i tell him about problems with kids. told him if he wants to contuinue seeing me, kids come as part of package, otherwise we just stay friends.

needed to off load, been a stressful time.

hope everyone else is ok

hugs

shaz xxx

Sounds like alot is going on- hopefully things will feel easier soon, good on you for giving Ian an ultimatum- think that was a great thing to do, know it sounds mad but it might even make some of the stress easier if you know your not carrying the feelings of two people with no one to lean on yourself. Hope something works out!

I feel for you re:Joshua, sounds like a nightmare, hope the cpn can come up with something, you shouldn't have to go through that all alone and know there has to be a better way. Sorry I can't offer any real advice on that, but really do believe it can get better, know thats not much help- hope this works ut OK too.

jenniewb

sh1305 wrote: »

My depression is back again and I have no idea why. I then made the mistake of telling my friend about it. (mistake because he has far too much to worry about without me adding to his worries)

I don't know if it helps but something I learnt once was that you only have control over your own feelings, you only have responsibility over your own feelings. If someone choses to worry that is thier choice, and they are allowed to do this, its not your fault, you were just being honest, its not something you should feel is your responsibility. I am sure your friend is old enough and has enough support from other friends (and family) to not feel as dark as depression can. Concerntrate on yourself and not other people when you become unwell, it can make the whole thing feel less stressful - depression itself is bad enough anyway.

Do you have any additional support? like mental health type stuff- are you able to speak to a specialist? or be refered to one? just asking as this is what helps me the most, its easier then talking to anyone I know as it can be hard to find someone who understands or even wants to understand!

shazrobo

joshua been terrible again tonight, and i finally found out the reason why. he wants to go into care, i cant believe it, i'm shocked. he knows a lad at school in the local childrens home, the lad tells him how great it is, have key to own room etc etc. the lad got put there after his mum took an overdose. he's been telling me to overdose again for last few days. cant believe he hates me so much. off his own back he has rung social services, and is now waiting for them to ring back.
feel totally out of my depthy, and dont know what to do.
i know no one on here can give advice, but i just feel its easier, 'telling' someone, than keeping it all inside

shaz x

Indie_Kid

What happens if I go to my doctor and tell him that I'm feeling depressed? Last time it was hell; but the only difference is that I'm not self harming again.

Has anyone else found that depression has affected their memory? Mine is poo anyway; but over the last few days, it has become worse.

beachbeth

Sorry about your troubles, Shaz. I wish I could offer constructive advice but Im not an expert about these things. I hope social services can sort something out for both of you.

sh1305, my depression affected my memory too. I always used to remember everything but nowadays I have to write everything down or I just forget. If I go into a shop in town sometimes I forget what Ive gone in there for too. So you're not the only one.

shazrobo

sh1305, depression has definatly affected my memory, i used to be really brainy at school, was in top sets for most lessons, nowadays, my memory is so bad, i forget which way it is to places i been to 100's times before.

josh rang social services told them a load of lies, accused me of calling him some awful names, and hitting him with objects, like my shoes, backfired on him tho, as they then spoke to me and i told them about his bahaviour recently, and his diagnosis of mental health probs and learning disabilities. after they told him he had to stay with me, and the conversation ended, joshua has run off outside, saying he'll cause trouble so police will pick him up and take him away
am so worried right now, and scared where this will all end
shaz x

jenniewb

sh1305 wrote: »

What happens if I go to my doctor and tell him that I'm feeling depressed? Last time it was hell; but the only difference is that I'm not self harming again.

Has anyone else found that depression has affected their memory? Mine is poo anyway; but over the last few days, it has become worse.

What happened last time to make it hell? (ie was it the doctor?)

If you go to your doctor and tell him you are depressed, your likely to be referred to a community psychiatrist. This will take anything from a few hours to a few weeks depending on your severity and what the funding is like in your area. If your unhappy with the given wait- say something, they may be able to change things but only at your request.

You see the consultant/community psychiatrist who will asses you- that is speak to you about what has gone on, how you are, what you feel you need, how they can help.
Again, if you feel that for whatever reason you find it overly hard to speak to the psychiatrist, it is ok to either ask to see someone else or mention it to the psychiatrist, it is very normal.)

The psychiatrist will then offer you options, which again will vary on how you are and what your open to trying or doing. You may be offered a combination of anti-depressant pills, therapy or counselling, group support, a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) this is someone who keeps a sort of watch over whats happening with you. You can call them up when things spiral and they are there to suggest you go to hospital or make sure you remember to take your medication. I think they vary as to exactly what they do and if you get a good one they are fantastic, if you get a bad one they normally discharge you when you don't need them to (if that happens go back to your doctor and get a new one).

Its really about what you want- you say "what will happen if" as if something will take over and you will no longer have any say...be lost in an institution or stat of figures. Its not like that, not if you don't want it to be. Those people are there to help you and if your able to say what you want or even what you don't want, it can really help them to help you out. Maybe a start is to see your doctor talk about your fears with that.

Having said all that, they will step in if they feel you are at immediate risk to yourself or to others. If they can see the risk they may discuss with you a hospital stay, they will always give you the option to agree first but ultimately if you refuse and they are pretty 100% your going to go home and cause yourself a lot of harm (like they think you could kill yourself) they may say you have to go into hospital.


RE: The memory, I don't think the depression affects my memory as such, but I do try to sort of wipe out the entire depressive episode from my conscious mind so I can get on with the rest of my life, otherwise I'd never leave the house! On the surface I have forgotten not just my depression, but everything else becomes a blur- I forget peoples names or see people I know but not know where I have seen them before....I guess its a sort of side effect. But it doesn't really work- if I see or hear something which reminds me of my depression then I am straight back there and feel like I am plunging to the ground. Its a bit like trying to enforce a 'stiff upper lip' even though its pretty obvious that this is not the right thing to do! I just wish I knew exactly how to deal with trying to recover from a depressive episode other then to block things out, I'd love to drag it out of my therapist but I don't think shes supposed to tell me what to do. Proper recovery.....Still struggling with that one!

Indie_Kid

Last time, I was self harming and I also had (well, still have) physical problems too. The CPN pretty much said "it's all in your head". All they seemed interested in was what was I planning on doing in September. (I took a year out for various reasons)

shazrobo

morning all, feeling low, not slept well for a few days. really needed ian's support last night, but whenever i tried ringing him he never answered, then eventually turned his phone off. he's done this before, started to wonder if there a real reason he cant talk to me on the phone. he has no trouble answering calls from his friends when we are together. decided that the relationship isnt worth all the stress,, not seen him in over a week. then late last night he text me and said he loves me, and will see me in morn, (today) first time he's told me he loves me ffor a long time. wonder if he really means it. am so confused and hurt. last night i packed all his clothes ready to give him, now i'm not sure what to do.

sh1305, hope you get to see someone different this time, and that you get the help you need. sorry cant be of more help right now, really strugglling myself (((hugs)))

hope everone else is ok
shaz xxx

Tiff_2

Hi shaz!
I've read your posts hunnie, starting with your reply to my post to you ...

shaz wrote:

evening all, thanks for all the links tiff, made a few phone calls, but no help available/ or putting the kids in care for a day or two respite, would harm the boys mentally( she was implying they wouldnt feel loved and pushed out of the family home) felt like banging my head against a brick wall,

... and forgive me, but I'm afraid my reaction is

OH HELL NO!!!

Yes hunnie, the Tiffster's truly tiffed off and my hackles are all the way up! For the part of yesterday that I was functioning, (and I use the term loosely!), I was down in the Tiff Archives looking out some research for you. I then read your posts last night and I'm so sorry I couldn't get back to post shaz because I know you must be climbing the walls. I'm not a professional and I'm not saying this tiffing will be of any use, angel so please feel free to slap my muzzle if I'm out of line. What I will say to you now is grab a cuppa, pull up a chair and take some deep breaths - you're not alone in this and there are always choices and solutions to be had. Sorry for the length of this post folks.
Right then, hun - everything is sitting on top of you atm, in a huge heap of problems and distress, so let's turn to ol' Tiff's favourite bit of advice and seperate it all into single steps...

Forgive me, hunnie but I'll do the easiest one first. As far as ian is concerned, he is not a priority so put him away for now. It's hard enough to work at a good relationship when we're well, let alone when you're going through a crisis. If he's not part of the answer, then he's part of the problem and you don't need that right now. You and the boys have to come first and you can always revisit the option of a relationship with him when you're feeling better. I know this will probably feel like you're losing some support and comfort that you need right now but it's false support imho and you need practical help atm. Half an hour of happiness isn't worth all this heartache right now.

Your own health and safety is crucial shaz. Regardless of the fact that he is your son angel, you are actually going through a form of domestic violence from him and it's got to stop now. It doesn't have to be from a partner for it to be domestic violence. This morning you need to make some phone calls and I hope you'll take whatever help is offered, no matter how hard the decision might seem. I suggest the first call is to your cpn and then one to your gp asking them both for a home visit - if yours are not there, ask for an urgent visit from the duty workers. Tell them everything and don't say you'll try and manage somehow, because you can't. You need professional support and help hunnie and you need it immediately. You are under far too much stress and your own mental health is at risk. Your cpn and gp will be able to access help for you sweetheart.

Josh's behaviour and illnesses are too unstable for you to manage them right now. I hope you know I only ever say things with good intentions and I won't just say what you might want to hear - that doesn't help you. Things are at crisis point with josh and you have to put his health and safety, as well as yours and that of other people's first. Josh needs professional help now. No-one can ever doubt that you're an amazing mother, shaz and sometimes you have to make painful choices but in doing that, you are showing how very much you love him - you want him safe and you want help for him. If you feel it is right, ask your drs/CAHMS for a formal mental health assessment for josh as he is a danger to himself and others and that you are unable to manage him, which is your legal right to do.

Social services have a duty of care to you, as well as a duty of care to josh. This is also your legal right. I was completely disgusted with the reply they gave you at the start of my post - inferring that intervention would damage the boys mentally - my furry a$$ indeed!!! It isn't fair to emotionally blackmail you and I would certainly make a formal complaint at some point. I'll help you with that when the time comes if you'd like me to? Remember to always write down the name, time and date and reply of anyone you speak to.
Your next call should be to social services. Tell them you are at risk and so is josh and that you are requesting josh be taken into voluntary respite care immediately for his own safety and for yours. I suggest angel that you say you are not in a position atm to manage josh in any way. Do not allow them to brow beat you into giving in or sending you on a guilt trip. I know social services are over-stretched but this is exactly what they're there for and they will find somewhere for josh to get help.


Mental Health Services do have options concerning childrens mental health assessments and treatment. I'm guessing you already know about CAHMS and you should call them too. Please also call josh's mental health team and explain to them how dangerous things are atm and that you are unable to guarantee his, or your own, safety. Tell them that josh isn't safe enough to stay at home.
Regardless of whether josh's psychiatrist is leaving, lost funding or having a bloody sex change, they are still responsible for providing appropriate psychiatric care!!! There is always a team available to help in such emergencies somewhere and I think he should have referred you to the team which will be taking over now. And btw, I think it's terrible that mental health clinics are closing due to lack of funding - we need more of them not less!

Here are some numbers for you sweetheart.....

CAMHS (Wakefield) - 01924 327604

Mind - 01924 466486

NHS Direct - 0845 4647

Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) - 0845 6024 832

Social Care Direct (Wakefield) - 0845 8503 503

The Children with Complex Care Needs Team (Wakefield) has an advice line. Social workers are available to answer general queries relating to disabled children. Available: Monday,
Thursday & Friday 2pm – 4pm on 01924 379015


I'll let you go now angel. Good luck with it all - you've done you all that you can and they need to realise that things are now critical and step in to do their parts. I know we've talked about this option before and you're doing the right thing in demanding help before someone gets hurt, God forbid. I'll post some quotes in a minute shaz - sorry this is so long and I hope I haven't upset you hunnie. You're an amazing person, shaz! Keep us posted, okay?

Take care hun, and be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx