Support for people with Depression

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Shaz I don't really have much advice but have a (((HUG))) From what I have read on this thread it does seem that he wants to be with you but carry on living a single mans life which just isn't right. If it were me I'd wait for him to contact me rather than send messages which are ignored. We're here for you hun. Try to stay strong. xxx

Sazbo

Shaz - I agree with RBK hun xx And also with your CPN that he should make a financial contribution. Surely it's an irrelevance how much holidays etc actually cost you? In a relationship these things are shared. Your partner would want to share the cost of things? But that's just my opinion sweetheart. Let your instincts be your guide but as you say, see how things go over christmas. And don't bottle stuff up coz that's not healthy:)

Take good care hun.

Sx

Horasio

shazrobo wrote: »

afternoon all, feeling very tired and drained today. seen my cpn, we've spoken about a lot of things, and basically she thinks ian is taking me for a ride.
dont know if i've mentioned it on here before, but i told her, how i pay for all the holidays, days out, petrol, parking etc. and how he has his money to spend as he likes once his mortgage is paid every month.
anyway ian's reasoning, is it costs same wether he goes or not there are three of us(me and kids) and just one of him.
i'm on benefits, and he works, she thinks he should be contributing financially. my head feels really messed up, and i dont know what to think anymore. will try and get thru xmas and new year and see if anything changes. gotta go back and see her on thursday, as she is concerned about my state of mind right now.
how can you tell if a man is using you???
sorry for moaning, i do try and bottle up a lot, but then it just all comes out.
hugs all
shaz xxx

I agree with your CPN about the finances

You are clinging onto the crumbs he dishes out. Very easy trap to be in when you feel in need of affection when in a stressful situation. I feel you have low self esteem and feel he isn't helping/taking advantage of you emotionally and financially. I can almost hear him thinking 'she'll be there when I want her'

Whilst on crumbs, I see he wants his cake and eat it. Men will do what another person will let them get away with.

I don't feel he respects you and it is VITAL to any relationship to feel respected by people around you. Do you feel respected?

Questions for you

What percentage of the time does he make you happy to unhappy ratio?

How do you manage on benefits and part support another person who has his own means with spare over?

Would you let a woman friend treat you this way?

I know if I was in your situation, I would want a person to help with finances, the children and make me feel valued.

Also, one thing I have learned over the years is people don't really change, you have to set boundaries now.

I feel quite angry that he is treating you this way, shame I'm not up your way, else I'd give him a row for you.

clipboard2

razorbladekisses wrote: »

Sorry I haven't been around much. Things have been very up and down with a couple of overdoses, hospital, crisis team, it has been a lot to deal with.

So how have you all been?
.

Hi razorbladekisses,

I am sorry to read how difficult things are still; there does not seem to be much stability in your life.

It seems to me that you are crying out for help on this thread; - but at the same time trying to minimise your own problems by focussing on others; perhaps you do not feel you are worthy of help.

When you overdose, do you want to end your life, or do you want the hurt and pain to end?

From your posts it seems that you have never had a mothers love. You mentioned that she told you she hated you. How do you think this has affected your life?

It is hard to break free from the effects of emotional cruelty from a parent.

If your chance came, would you take it?
Are you ready to accept a helping hand up and out of your negative situation?

Only you know if or when you are ready. CB2X

jenniewb

shazrobo wrote: »

afternoon all, feeling very tired and drained today. seen my cpn, we've spoken about a lot of things, and basically she thinks ian is taking me for a ride.
dont know if i've mentioned it on here before, but i told her, how i pay for all the holidays, days out, petrol, parking etc. and how he has his money to spend as he likes once his mortgage is paid every month.
anyway ian's reasoning, is it costs same wether he goes or not there are three of us(me and kids) and just one of him.
i'm on benefits, and he works, she thinks he should be contributing financially. my head feels really messed up, and i dont know what to think anymore. will try and get thru xmas and new year and see if anything changes. gotta go back and see her on thursday, as she is concerned about my state of mind right now.
how can you tell if a man is using you???
sorry for moaning, i do try and bottle up a lot, but then it just all comes out.
hugs all
shaz xxx

Its hard to say whats going on without really seeing and knowing either of you, guess its something you know in your gut- but at the same time, remember that past experiences and our own thinking can heavily influence things (in my case anyway).

Would say you could 'test' him- see how things go if for example, your benefits get accidentally cut or they miss a payment- would he cover you, would he expect all of it back -even the silly little things like a bottle of water/apple/whatever. That in any case would make me think that either he has frugality issues (rather then it being about taking you for a ride) or that he is being OTT (again, could be more about his issues then you) or indeed your CPN could be right. Either way its you who would know and although I've suggested a test here, in a strange way I'd not advocate it- if you feel the need to test someone, you have no real faith in them and maybe then question if the relationship is so good for you and maybe your better off without the additional stress anxiety and feeling worse about yourself.

Hope you come to some sort of resolution some how.

Horasio

Hi guys

Been so busy

Went to London last week via Kingston on Thames. How different are they, yet so near? I hated Kingston but loved central London.

One really nasty manager bumped into me in a quiet store and damaged my shoes, but hey she apologised in a really insincere way and I must be satisfied with that. She was trying to impress a man.

Same happened when a table got their drinks before us and ordered after in a restaurant. I complained and this smug kid apologised in an insincere way. I expect this sh*t in McDs but not a restaurant.

I'm not anti youngsters but anti amateurs when I pay professional prices.

Went out to lunch with my mum and my OH locally.

Felt so tired and teary yesterday. Felt so pssed off that some people don't respect me - my son, my OH, people in shops and restaurants. It is my early new year's resolution to not put up with being treated like cr a p

Taking my mother to hospital today for her pre op tests.

shazrobo

hi everyone and thanks for replies
to answer questions, i'd say he makes me happy about 50% of the time, but relationships are like that arnt they,
i manage on benefits, cos i have to, kids get dla, and that helps pay for car, petrol and hols, and ian is right it does cost same whether there 3 in the car or 4, but i feel he should contribute, nobody gives me a free holiday, maybe thats me being selfish then again i wouldnt put up with it from another friend. and we did go on more hols than usual at his suggestion .
i've never relied on any one to help with my sons or finances, good job really cos it would never happen. he never taken kids on his own to give me a break., they my kids not his is his answer if i ask.
if my benefits were to be missed one week, he would lend me say 50 pounds, and expect it paid back, he would not payfor things and keep a tally.
ccstar, i hope all goes well for your mum, i know how worrying they can be. mine has to go in for eye surgery on the 24th, thought th hospitals wouldnt do these things so close to xmas
hugs
shaz xxx

Miroslav

I think, even though not the boys biological father, he should be making some kind of financial contribution. When you are involved with someone, if they have children you take on responsibility, or you should. It's a package.

Understand about not relying on people though, as I am the same. Don't even rely on flatmate for her 50% of vet bills, as it's like pulling teeth. Imagine when she says she can't afford it and then tells me she's been sending champagne and gifts by facebook to people from X Factor and Big Brother. I have no idea of costs or how as I don't use it, but her priorities are all wrong

Talking of pulling teeth, cat is having tooth extracted today, so i'm worried they may find more wrong. 2 months ago she was 5.2kg, 2 weeks ago 4.5kg and now 4.2kg She is eating, just not as much. I'm hoping it's just the tooth and I don't have bad news later.

shazrobo

hi miro, will be thinkin of you and cat, hope all goes well at vets, and cat gets better soon.
ian same, says he cant afford stuff, then spends loads on beer, rugby and lads nights out.
i've always paid towards ex's kids wen in relationships, days out etc. looked after my step son wen i was married too, more than the kids biological parents, maybe i'm too soft
hugs
shaz xxx

Miroslav

I don't believe it. My third cat this year with a tumour, this time the abdomen

They wanted to not wake her up from the anaesethic. After discussing with flatmate, talking with vet on the phone and thinking of what this cat would personally want, we have decided to bring her home as she is not in pain, although if and when that time comes, we will have to reassess. Vet thinks Christmas will be her maximum limit.

Just another chunk of strength being taken from me. I'm losing the will to live myself