Support for people with Depression

shazrobo

oh miro, what awful news, especially after teh year you've had. i'm sure you will make her final days happy ones.
big hugs
shaz xxx

Horasio

Sorry to hear about that Miro:(

Miroslav

She's home and sleeping, minus two teeth. I hope she survives as long as possible.

Sorry i've not been on here that much this year. I've just been knocked backwards. I know it's a depression thread, but it's been so bad this year that i've been too depressed to post. Doe that make sense?

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

I am ok and keeping well,Shaz,Ian must help you out with financial things re the kids and you and you all going on hols.My boyfriend when he can treats me to lunch out or I get it depending on his money and wheather he can do it or not but when he can afford it,he will happily do so with no hesitation and I let him as he likes to make me happy and I get our drink of coffee afterwards too.

Miro:Sorry to hear about your cat,I hope that 2010 is a better year for you.

CCStar:Hope you are well as can be and that you are ok

Tiff: Miss you and your cat pics hope you are ok

Ethel: Hope all is well,miss your posts here

RBK: Sorry to hear you have been through a bad time,hope you come through the other side and feel well again and that 2010 will be a great year for you.Remember the Samaritans are always there 24/7 by e-mail or phone,dont hesitate to use them when you are at crisis point and that you wont always feel you are alone with noone to chat to.

Sazzy and Gilly:Hope you are both well and are happy

I think thats everyone and to new posters hello and welcome to the thread and post often,you are more than welcome.

I am off now,

Night! Night!

chat tomorrow

love and light,

Katie xxx

Horasio

Miroslav wrote: »

She's home and sleeping, minus two teeth. I hope she survives as long as possible.

Sorry i've not been on here that much this year. I've just been knocked backwards. I know it's a depression thread, but it's been so bad this year that i've been too depressed to post. Doe that make sense?

I know what you mean.

It does help to try and formulate your feelings into words, even if it is repeating yourself.

I keep a private diary detailing my day and how it made me feel.

So today for example.

I woke early to my alarm, felt tired but much better than yesterday. The day was grey and very dark.

Went to the hospital with my mum, got chatting to a woman whilst my mum was in having tests which passed the time better than sitting in the waiting room in silence with people. It is so uncomfortable and embarrassing:o

I wish I was like my mum who can talk to people and get them to open up. I feel so shy, second rate and clumsy when I am with her. Anyway, people just ignore me because she is like a film star. It has its up and down sides. I can blend into the scenery and be invisible but when I want attention, I feel ignored and lonely.

Got some money for my unwanted gold in a shop which was good.

Did shopping and enjoyed a ready cooked hot chicken when we got home.

I also got a freebie to try from a survey, so cleaning my dishwasher this week.

The other letter was soaked but thankfully it wasn't important. It does really annoy us having soaking wet post:mad:

Horasio

Monday

I felt wobbly and cried easily. My OH went silent, cried then ranted which was made me feel a million times worse.

He either wimps out or gets angry, neither are good and feel like I want to finish with him when he treats me this way.

I reached my limit on feeling disrespected and feeling badly treated yesterday. I spoke to my son and OH about it. I don't know if it will make a difference. I feel my role is to take she-ite from everyone - be abused or ignored.

I feel very nervous about 2010. We have to move out before June and feel I want to get right away from them all and find myself. I feel dutybound and end up putting myself last which is making me feel low.

It scares me to do this but feel I will regret it if I keep putting my family before me. I am not a youngster anymore but not retirement age, had health problems, been a stay at home mum most of the time but done some work and training. I hate the 9-5 drag.

I know I have a lot to offer to the world but feel men just want to put me down and keep all the good stuff for themselves and give women the menial jobs for low pay. The relationship with my OH has made me hate men. He brings me down - he is mean to me when I am tired and can't cope, he brings me down when I feel good. I have to switch off and numb myself, so I don't get hurt.

Strangely enough, seeing my old home has made me see how much I have changed and not the same person as I was at 17.

I do have means to leave and don't have to get a job etc straight-away.

Any words of encouragement/confidence boosting would be most welcome.

Horasio

Miro, you must be feeling dreadful. It seems to be a very dark winter this year.

Your cats are around the same age, and are unfortunately going to get ill or die around the same time.

We are here to 'listen' if you wish to post about how you feel. Time does heal and soon it will get lighter again. You will always have the good memories of your cats.

clipboard2

shazrobo wrote: »

afternoon all, feeling very tired and drained today. seen my cpn, we've spoken about a lot of things, and basically she thinks ian is taking me for a ride.
dont know if i've mentioned it on here before, but i told her, how i pay for all the holidays, days out, petrol, parking etc. and how he has his money to spend as he likes once his mortgage is paid every month.
anyway ian's reasoning, is it costs same wether he goes or not there are three of us(me and kids) and just one of him.
i'm on benefits, and he works, she thinks he should be contributing financially. my head feels really messed up, and i dont know what to think anymore. will try and get thru xmas and new year and see if anything changes. gotta go back and see her on thursday, as she is concerned about my state of mind right now.
how can you tell if a man is using you???
sorry for moaning, i do try and bottle up a lot, but then it just all comes out.
hugs all
shaz xxx

Hi Shaz hun

I hear how sad and disappointed you are feeling regarding Ian and how he is treating you. You are feeling used up and unloved.

It seems to me Ian is a man who (rightly or wrongly) feels shafted (excuse my French) by women in his past, both financially and emotionally.
It is like he is unable to give out any more until his wounds heal.
He is sadly, presently, a bitter man inside who is only able to take from a woman to help him feel better; Kind of like balancing the books or payback time.

No wonder you are feeling sucked dry and exhausted Shaz.

Do you feel you have the emotional strength to help heal this man?

Would you feel able to let him go, or would the grief and loss overwhelm you?

Most importantly, what would strengthen you, and help you feel better about yourself?

We are here to listen and support you. You are not alone. CB2X

jenniewb

Miro- I feel so sad for you- it sounds terrible at the moment for you- my dads cat (the cat I chose when I was 11) died of a suspected stomach tumor last year. I was so sad. That was just one cat, I can't imagine how you must be feeling, its such a twisted conincidence. Hope your holding up OK.

CCStar- I don't think you need any words of encouragement- you seem to have given things a lot of thought- you go girl! If its any help, from my experience, the first few steps are always the hardest. Once things pick up a momentum, it just seems easier, you roll with the punches and they don't seem to hurt anymore- the sense of what you've achieved when you look back pulls you through. Just don't forget where you've come from and what you have achieved, how hard it was and how you still managed to do it- and by thinking about trying to change and being serious about it is a big deal, takes some strength. Remember that.
But one thing that makes a big difference is the friends you have around you- words cannot really say what a difference other people can make just by being there for you emotionally. Try to keep your friends and people around you in on whats going on for you, they can only be there for you if they know whats going on.

Do you have any plans as yet?

shazrobo

morning all
ccstar, you deserve better than the way your OH treats you. if you have the financial means to get away, then i think you owe it to yourself, to be free from those that put you down, or make life difficult for you. do it now before its too late, if its wat you want , otherwise it'll be something you'll always regret.

i know ian had a difficult relationship with his ex, he wasnt allowed out with friends etc, so i understand him wanting to see his mates, not a problem to me. its the financial side of things, just makes me feel used, like he says it would cost same for a self catering hol, whether he was there or not, same as petrol and parking on days out. feel resentful, that i have to keep paying all ime, and thats not good for our relationship.
he does have to pay csa to his ex, and his mortgage, and says he skint all time, which i used to believe, as he hardly buys anything, but the amount he spends on booze on nights out, afternoons watching rugby, and drinking again, just make me wonder. bus drivers in our area, get over 10 pounds an hour, so not like he on minimum wage or anything.
dont think he'll ever change either.
he supported his ex, and their child on his wage, ob with tax creds and child benefit, and isnt prepared to do same again. we talked of living together, but when he realised i wanted to do it properly, and inform the social, so we wouldnt be breaking the law, he changed his mind, i think he thought he was gonna live here rent free, while i still claimed benefits, and he'd have his wage. there no way he will support the two kids i have, so i am continueing to live alone. he's barely bought the kids anything ever, not even a meal, not that i expect him to, but how can we live together if this is how he is.
feel better for off loading
hugs all
shaz xxx