Support for people with Depression

Horasio

clipboard2 wrote: »

Hi Shaz hun

I hear how sad and disappointed you are feeling regarding Ian and how he is treating you. You are feeling used up and unloved.

It seems to me Ian is a man who (rightly or wrongly) feels shafted (excuse my French) by women in his past, both financially and emotionally.
It is like he is unable to give out any more until his wounds heal.
He is sadly, presently, a bitter man inside who is only able to take from a woman to help him feel better; Kind of like balancing the books or payback time.

No wonder you are feeling sucked dry and exhausted Shaz.

Do you feel you have the emotional strength to help heal this man?

Would you feel able to let him go, or would the grief and loss overwhelm you?

Most importantly, what would strengthen you, and help you feel better about yourself?

We are here to listen and support you. You are not alone. CB2X

Same here

I think Shaz has enough on her plate with her own needs and her children's needs to pander to another damaged soul. If he was trying to help himself and showed more commitment to them, then I would feel more sympathy towards him.

Unfortunately, my experience of men is they are lazy and won't change when things are cushy/comfortable for them.

Horasio

shazrobo wrote: »

morning all
ccstar, you deserve better than the way your OH treats you. if you have the financial means to get away, then i think you owe it to yourself, to be free from those that put you down, or make life difficult for you. do it now before its too late, if its wat you want , otherwise it'll be something you'll always regret.

i know ian had a difficult relationship with his ex, he wasnt allowed out with friends etc, so i understand him wanting to see his mates, not a problem to me. its the financial side of things, just makes me feel used, like he says it would cost same for a self catering hol, whether he was there or not, same as petrol and parking on days out. feel resentful, that i have to keep paying all ime, and thats not good for our relationship.
he does have to pay csa to his ex, and his mortgage, and says he skint all time, which i used to believe, as he hardly buys anything, but the amount he spends on booze on nights out, afternoons watching rugby, and drinking again, just make me wonder. bus drivers in our area, get over 10 pounds an hour, so not like he on minimum wage or anything.
dont think he'll ever change either.
he supported his ex, and their child on his wage, ob with tax creds and child benefit, and isnt prepared to do same again. we talked of living together, but when he realised i wanted to do it properly, and inform the social, so we wouldnt be breaking the law, he changed his mind, i think he thought he was gonna live here rent free, while i still claimed benefits, and he'd have his wage. there no way he will support the two kids i have, so i am continueing to live alone. he's barely bought the kids anything ever, not even a meal, not that i expect him to, but how can we live together if this is how he is.
feel better for off loading
hugs all
shaz xxx

Thank you

I wouldn't have a problem with him seeing mates either.

Also, do you know why they broke up?

As far as money is concerned, isn't he putting you in danger if you losing benefits if he lives/stays with you. There is always a busybody who will blab.

Sorry to sound harsh but is he going to help you/stick around if you lose your benefits because of him?

The more you say about him, the more I am hearing alarm bells.:eek:

shazrobo

i would lose benefits if he moved in, cos i'm honest and would inform social security. he on the other hand woundnt bother and would move in tommorrow if i let him. as for staying over, he says he's allowed, as i'm in receipt of dla, he is not my carer, in fact nobody receives carers allowance for me

Tulip

Please like my decorated xmas tree thank you!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/United...&id=8922773263


Merry Christmas and all the best for 2010 to everyone

Night! Night!

chat tomorrow!

Katie

shazrobo

morning all, i'm up early today, couldnt sleep, the situation with ian is keeping me awake, all sorts of things going thru my mind, mainly xmas at mo, and how hurt i am that he not spending it with us, and how little i must mean to him. trying to put on a brave face til after xmas, but really in my head, i just wanna talk to him, and if he really dosent want the commitment of a family then i'll be better off on my own. not going to let him cherry pick again next year, either we're together as a couple or i take kids on hols on my own, he not having his cake and eating it

shaz x

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Morning! I am out to a carol service today for 12am then refreshments afterwards,so looking forward to it and I will be with my boyfriend too

:hello: Shaz,*hugs* You and Ian do need to chat about things but after xmas.You do need to sort things out for your own piece of mind.

I hope you manage to sort things out with him and soon.

love and light,

Katie xxx

shazrobo

hi katie, enjoy your carol service, sounds like fun
hugs
shaz xxx

beachbeth

It does sound as though he wants his cake and eat it too, Shaz. I would feel very upset if I had a boyfriend and he didn't want to spend Christmas with me. This speaks volumes to me. If someone loves and cares for you then they want to spend most of the time with you. While you are with him then you won't be able to meet someone else who will care more for you.

I haven't been on here much lately as Ive been getting a bit stressed about Christmas. It came to a head Sunday when I was getting up and my OH said his brother and SIL were on their way over. I felt so overwhelmed and unable to cope, even though they are lovely people. I had to stay upstairs in tears whilst he chatted and gave them a cuppa.

Thankfully we haven't got any more family social events happening so I can relax a bit now. Although, having said that I woke up at 4.00am and couldn't get back to sleep.:rolleyes:

Horasio

shazrobo wrote: »

morning all, i'm up early today, couldnt sleep, the situation with ian is keeping me awake, all sorts of things going thru my mind, mainly xmas at mo, and how hurt i am that he not spending it with us, and how little i must mean to him. trying to put on a brave face til after xmas, but really in my head, i just wanna talk to him, and if he really dosent want the commitment of a family then i'll be better off on my own. not going to let him cherry pick again next year, either we're together as a couple or i take kids on hols on my own, he not having his cake and eating it

shaz x

I think you need to talk to him and tell him this. He seems happy being a half boyfriend but you aren't.

The worst that can happen is the relationship ending. You need to put you and your boys first. Your BF needs to sort his head out if he has baggage from a past relationship.

If he treated you better, you could make more allowance/help him but what are you getting from it?

My motto is 'life is too short to endure a bad relationship' which I will put into practice in the new year if my OH doesn't shape up.

He has had 28 years to learn what makes me happy and not and he chooses the wrong route most times.

I have endured more than I should for 28 years but at least my OH supported me well financially.

shazrobo

hi beachbeth, i would feel stressed if someone visited and i wasnt expecting them. hope you are feeling less stressed now
shaz xxx