Support for people with Depression

Sugar_Coated_Owl

clipboard2 wrote: »

Hi razorbladekisses,

I am sorry to read how difficult things are still; there does not seem to be much stability in your life.

It seems to me that you are crying out for help on this thread; - but at the same time trying to minimise your own problems by focussing on others; perhaps you do not feel you are worthy of help.

When you overdose, do you want to end your life, or do you want the hurt and pain to end?

From your posts it seems that you have never had a mothers love. You mentioned that she told you she hated you. How do you think this has affected your life?

It is hard to break free from the effects of emotional cruelty from a parent.

If your chance came, would you take it?
Are you ready to accept a helping hand up and out of your negative situation?

Only you know if or when you are ready. CB2X

Hello CB2 :hello:

You're right my life doesn't have a great deal of stability. It would be nice if it was stable for a bit rather than up and down as it has been lately.

I guess I like to try and help others rather than focus on myself. I just find it helps to do that.

I don't feel I have a great deal to live for or many people around that care so why would it matter if I died.

Sometimes when I overdose I want to die but then I get scared which is usually why I get help. Other times I just want to cause harm.

I think my Mum has a lot to answer for. She was around when I was growing up but not there IYKWIM. She never told me she loved me or gave me a hug or asked me how I was. Now that she's left my Dad to be with someone else I don't have a great deal of contact with her. It was this time last year that she left for the 2nd time so I guess that's why I feel a bit more sad. I was much more closer to my Nan who is sadly no longer here. I miss her very much.

I would love to change my life for the better I guess I'm just a bit lost as to how to do it.

How are you CB2?

Joanna xxx

clipboard2

Many of you know the comedian Stephen Fry is a fellow depression sufferer. Thought I'd share his reply to a lady who wrote asking for his advice on coping with depression.
She said " This letter helped me so much during the deepest days of my depression"

STEPHEN FRY'S LETTER TO CRYSTAL NUNN

Dear Crystal,

I'm so sorry to hear that life is getting you down at the moment. Goodness knows, it can be so tough when nothing seems to fit and little seems to be fulfilling. I'm not sure there's any specific advice I can give that will help bring life back its savour.
Although they mean well, it's sometimes quite galling to be reminded how much people love you when you don't love yourself that much.

I've found it's of some help to think of one's moods and feelings about the world as being similar to the weather:
It's real.
You can't change it by wishing it away.
If it's dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can't alter it.
It might be dark and rainy for 2 weeks in a row.
BUT
It will be sunny one day.
It isn't under one's control as to when the sun comes out, but come out it will.
One day.
It really is the same with one's moods, I think. The wrong approach is to believe they are all illusions. They are real. Depression, anxiety, listlessness - these are as real as the weather - AND EQUALLY NOT UNDER ONE'S CONTROL. Not one's fault.
BUT
They will pass; they really will.
In the same way one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes.
"Today's a crap day", is a perfectly realistic approach. It's all about finding a kind of mental umbrella.
"Hey-ho, it's raining inside: it isn't my fault and there's nothing I can do about it but sit it out. But the sun may come out tomorrow and when it does I shall take full advantage".

I don't know if that is any use; it may seem not, and if so I'm sorry. I just thought I'd drop you a line to wish you well in your search to find a little more pleasure and purpose in life.

Very best wishes,
(signed)
Stephen Fry.

Hope this helps you if you have read this though the darkest days of your depression. CB2X

beachbeth

Thank you so much for printing that letter, Clipboard. I really like Stephen Fry and love to listen to him speak (he would be my no.1 dinner party guest!). I shall print that out and read it again.

I think when you have depression and you are feeling bad you tend to say to yourself "Why am I feeling like this when something nice is happening?" and you fight against it because you think you shouldn't be feeling that way. When my OH brother and his wife came over last Sunday I should have been happy because they are lovely people and really nice to talk to. However, I was distressed and couldn't stop crying. This didn't make sense to me. As Stephen Fry says, you just need to say "Hey-ho its raining and theres nothing I can do about it" and wait for the sun.

beachbeth

razorbladekisses wrote: »

I think my Mum has a lot to answer for. She was around when I was growing up but not there IYKWIM. She never told me she loved me or gave me a hug or asked me how I was.

This is exactly how my mum always was. She was there for the practical things such as a grazed knee but not there for me in a compassionate way. If I got upset she would get angry at the fact that I was upset instead of asking what was wrong and giving me a hug.

My OH has a theory that depression is actually caused by this sort of upbringing and I think he's right. Everyone I know or have spoken to that has depression has had parents that weren't there for them. This doesn't mean that parents like this always have children with depression but some people are more predisposed to depression and will get it if they are brought up in this way. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling quite insecure.

Sazbo

Beth your post moved me to tears; it could have been written about me. My parents were exactly like that. But the effect of that on me was to make me feel terribly guilty, because I knew that my parents loved me more than anything, they still do. I tended to think that it was a generational thing, parents at that time didn't as a rule show affection to their children, it just wasn't the done thing, y'know? And I never wanted for anything. I felt deeply unhappy as a child but couldn't understand why. Thought there must be something wrong with me, that every one else was normal and I wasn't. Like you Beth, I was terribly insecure as a child. Now I'm older and uglier, I care much less about what other people think. But it wasn't always that way, and there are still some situations that I find difficult.

I think counselling has given me space to think and feel through a lot of the above stuff. A lot of it is buried very deep and has taken a very long time to surface, but it's getting there. I am far more at peace with myself these days. And of course it helps to have a supportive o/h in the form of Gilly Badger. It's shown me how important it is in life to surround yourself with people who love you and support you for who you are. I always say to myself that this isn't a dress rehersal. Life's too short to feel anything other than loved, wanted, supported and understood. So don't accept anything else. Lord knows I had 20 years of experiencing what the alternatives feel like and that life ain't always a bowl of cherries either. But for me I've found that now I've surrounded myself with good people, I feel that everything else I can pretty much cope with. Anyway, just wanted to share my rambling sazzy thoughts with you all:)

Well, we've got two weeks off from today! Hurrah! :j And I'm going to love every minute it!:D Hope you're all doing ok. Slow start to the day, having a coffee now and looking out at what is still a very snowy landscape. Might go out later for a mooch to the shops.

Hope you're all having a good day.

Much love to everyone,
Sazzy xxxxxxxxx

shazrobo

hi everyone, my mum was the same beachbeth, and sazzy, always cared about me, made sure i was fed, and was safe, but never in my life has she told me she loved me or hugged me. my mum had a tough upbringing, and i guess thats how it was.
enjoy the break everyone, roll on 4th jan for me lol
hugs all
shaz xxx

tayler_remi

Hey everyone.

I've been watching this thread for a while now and I'm finally going to post something.

I'm 19, and I suffer with both depression and bi-polar. I have more highs than lows but when my lows come, I become very suicidal, withdrawn and isolate myself. I also have type 1 diabetes and an eating disorder, so life is pretty tough at the moment. When I experience highs, I act very reckless - mostly with money - and already have landed myself in nearly £1000 debt within 3 months. I'm trying to work my way out of it.

I recently went through a horrible break up with a man I love with my everything; he was my first love and we were together for 2 years on and off. I think it's finally over as he cannot cope with all my illnesses. I feel isolated, desperate, lonely and abandoned. It's been 2 days since I found out he's seeing someone else and I feel like my heart has been torn to shreads, especially with it being this time of year. I'm the lowest I've ever been in my life and recently had to go in to a psychiatric hospital for 2 days because it was thought I was suicidal etc.

I'm hopefully going to receive some inpatient treatment for my eating disorder in the new year but right now I am focusing on getting through christmas, sorting my finances out and most of all, trying to move on from what I feel is the love of my life so far. I'm trying to focus on the future; having fun, meeting new guys etc but the thought of being with anybody else makes me feel sick to the stomach.

My mood is so up and down, it changes within the hour; one minute I feel hopeless and have to go to bed and the next I feel positive and motivated to get better. It's exhausting. I hate being bi-polar so much but I know the recent mini breakdown I had was because I stupidly took myself off my medication. I was a student in Bristol and now I have had to come home to get better and have lost my place. This illness takes everything from me; my education, my confidence, the man I love. I won't let it take any more.

Sazbo

Hi tayler, thank you for posting and welcome to the thread. You've been through such a lot and I think you have shown an amazing strength of character - hugs to you. I think you are right to focus on Christmas right now. You need to rest, recover and put your own needs first.

The folk on here are lovely, please feel free to post any time.

Take care,
Sazzy xxxxxx

jenniewb

Hi Tayler, nice to hear from you.

Seems like you have alot going on at the moment- are you getting any support? aside from being on the waiting list for your ED- hope your getting support outpatient wise for that (am assuming its a waiting list btw- they're all to common!). I had inpatient ED help too when I was 19. Its not easy but I think it made a massive difference to me in many ways (mostly posative!) made many new friends- its odd, you/we seem to spend our lives pretending nothing is wrong or that we are coping, weather its depression, EDs or anything else. We all end up feeling so alone and overwhelmed with things, yet when we do get the chance to talk and really be honest with how things are, it can make such a difference. Thats what my inpatient treatment taught me anyway! Hope it works out for you- just don't try to leave when the going gets tough, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Hope your sorted for Christmas? the debt must be really worrying- have you spoken to money and finance people about helping you get a route out? places like the CAB and even some banks will have advisors which are all free of charge to use and can be really helpful at finding a way out of the debt. Thats how I got help anyway.

Have you spoken to your Uni about going back to study at a later date? do you think you could defer? know its all stuff you may not want to be dealing with before christmas (so don't!) but if it is getting you down, it may be worth a shot, just to give you something to keep focused or motivated for. (Its what kept me motivated when I was admitted anyway! Know your a different person then me, but just to say that something like that can be a good help when your stuck in hospital and things feel difficult. Its like looking out of the window and reminding yourself there is something else waiting outside of where you are and help you to give it all your best shot).

I wouldn't worry about meeting new guys if the idea makes you feel ill btw- life's for living, its your life, not theirs or anyone elses and its too short to waste doing things 'just because'!

Also- (not trying to shove you away or anything!!) but have you tried the Eating Disorders Association boards? they can be really helpful for more eating disordered help, the support is varied from struggling with, living with and recovering from eating issues and the last time I was on there there was a wealth of support.(link: http://www.b-eat.co.uk/HelpandSupport/MessageBoards )

Take care of yourself.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
..........Huh?

Where have I been?!!!



It is as well - and it's one better probably left for The Tiff Chronicles. I hope my absence will be forgiven and not mistaken for me not caring.

Right then, replies...Good grief - where do I start?!
Oh well, here goes nothing...............

Roll Call 2009!
Huge, moulting and seasonal Tiffy hugs to...
sazzy(sazbo), ethel(ethelbloggs), gario(gario900), elona, bmf, gem(geminilady), ilgd(ilovegreatdanes), blinky, gilly, cb2, flis, karrie, rose, beer, miro, ltd(learnigtodrive), cat (cat9586), ltf(lipsthefish), lrs(letrobinsonsing), bunnie, goldie(importedgold), tank girl, zippy, pc (poppycracker), rbk, skintaz, pj(poppyjay), rain(rain-is-insane), judders, newlywed(newly), cm(carolnmalky), katie(tulip), mac, jackie(the mad bird), fg(feelinggood), sf(slowly fading), qb(queenswayboy), ccstar, kellie, dawny, fantastico, han, queenie, sh(santashelper), juno, spikey, meyore, hayley, ifa, pet(petrichor), vicky, glad, andi, mum(mumoftwins), pinklady, stebiz, tooties, lisa-m, mclaren(mac), tao(tao81), westie(westclok), carpy, pink-b(pink butterlfly), skintc(skintcatt), rovers(roversbabe), lisa-d(lisa-derby), dd2(daisydoughnut2), lewt, hyder, maz(maz123), cham(chameleon), bbbb(bibbitybob), curly(curlywurlygirl), fd(feelingdown), sssssss(7xs), pumpkin, su(su4stu), hibees, impy, consp(conspirator), maisie(maisiemay), cif, di(dithedancer), child(child359), star, wfs(whitefeatherspirit), katp, bizzybeks(beks), pills, cnmm (conandmattsmum), bltn(betterlatethannever), charlene, vb(velocityboy), sp(smallpackages), gill, lisa-ew(elegantly wasted), welsh(welsh worrier), lass(loopy lass - I can't call you loopy angel!), chelly(chellysays), bobsa, shelby(shelby161), john roberts(john-r), juliav, antronella, steph, new cook, catsavingexpert(cse), shaz, lfh(looking for help), tdmmdi(the devil made me do it), gillh(gillianh2), wmf(weymuffred), lou(loublue), suki(suki1964), toothsmith(ts), katyk, bay(bailey), ree(reehsetin), jen(jen.eng), specialk, li(limana68), shelley (fallen angel shelly), shawz, tom(tomstickland), horace, purplegirluk(purple), miss tbc(tbc), ecoelle, nicifer(nic), diamond78(diamond), grace, wo*f, weegie, gill07, big-board(bigb), moonrakermagpie(magpie), karen23(karen), deals, pug(pug-in-a-bed ), mumh(mumhug), nats3006(nats), tote alley stressed(tote), littleone83(lo83), 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chopper98(chopper), lolababy(lola), clairet61(claire), cozza(cozza), mamma t(mamma), meenu(meenu), zith(zith), herbaliseyourlife(haley), shiny side up(shiny), mummymoo(moo), misspointy(pointy), janninew(jann), joblesssummer12(summer), smileyt(smiley), adrisco, ~*plushroom*~(plush), possley, boo666(boo), gottochange(gtc), xXMessedUpXx(messy), blushred2(red), louise22(louise), elfen, brightonman(b-man), tia-maria06(tia), paulo silvestre(paulo), fad1211(fad), bubbles911(bubbles), dicky dunock(dicky), little monkey(monkey), walter wobblebottom(walter), chatbug(chat), dave101t(dave), annabelle09 (belle), emweaver(em), confused76(c76), blue-haddock(bh), chattie, fedup100pc(fedup), jenniewb(jennie), hannahiow(hannah) - et al.

I hope everyone is as well as they can be. Be kind to yourself guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx