on the verge of ending it. cant see a way out

waterwatcher

Anti depressants saved my life. Taking that step was the best and scariest thing I ever did but the relief following that visit to the doctor was immense. There is not shame in depression it is a chemical imballance in the brain that prevents you from feeling better. Get to the doctors, keep visiting and in a while you'll be sitting where I am telling another person who is low to get to the doctors!!
Take care of yourself, take time for yourself, a soak in the tub, a walk around the block. Baby steps and celebrate every little achievement.

blondiedebtfree

Ive got the GP appointment at 5.20.

Marmite has been following me around the flat as he knows somethings wrong. I only have him which makes me feel a bit more pathetic.

Im so sorry for breaking down like this.
Its just got all on top of me.

I got so panicked i couldnt breathe

MrsTinks

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

im scared of bein on my own. if baliffs come. i might never find someone else that would love me

Being on my own was a blessing after splitting from my ex I went through a deep dark patch too and barely exsisted for a while but I got through it and realised that I didn't need anyone, I spent a couple of years on my own and loved it! I found belief in myself and found I was much stronger than I thought. Eventually I found my now hubby and I love having him in my life and we're very happy - probably because we both choose to have each other in our lives - we don't need, we want

Bailiffs... what's the worst they can do? Don't worry about them

Of course you will find someone else - just give yourself time to be YOU instead of stressing - I found DH when I stopped looking and instead decided to just enjoy being single...

You don't NEED men in your life, they have their uses certainly but wanting them round is very different to needing them. Right now you certainly don't NEED your ex.

markelock

get rid of the ex, give yourself some space.

get on with sorting out the important things, including what you need to do to feel better.

you're not alone.

[Deleted User]

Hey Blondie

Take deep breaths honey, as other posters have said, there is NOTHING in this world more important than your wellbeing at the moment.

I am glad that your sister is involved, does she know everything? Use all the people around you and who love you, tell them your problems, your GP will be able to help, if you don't like the sound of taking antidepressants then ask for some counselling, (or do both) just some one to one time for you to talk about everything that has happened.

As for not wanting to be a "burden" to your mum and sister, I am sure they would be horrified that you would think this and would want to everything they can to help - can you stay with one of them for a couple of days and just take a step back and look at your options (I am sure you do have options, it's just everything seems overwhelming at the moment, they may take some time to sort out, but there are some wonderful people on here who will help on lots of levels).

As for no-one every loving you again, why on earth not, you sound like a pretty wonderful, gutsy lady to me.

Merlinexcalibur

I am leaving this alone now as you are getting support from others ... But just wanted to say to you Blondie ... Please don't. Because I have done this, acted on it. Foolishly, rashly and because I felt how you do right now. I won't ever do it again. I won't ever let those things drag me down under the waves again. Nor will I ever allow anyone to make me feel like it again. Not for anyone, creditor, family. No one. You come first, the rest can go screw themselves.

There are no right or wrong words to say as we are all clearly different. But you are weathering through all this, and this is just another thing to get through. And you WILL get through it. Don't let anyone, no one, no matter who they are, take that away from you.

elsie52

Glad to hear about docs appointment. Don't hold anything back from GP, tell it like it is. You may be surprised just how many people have been just as low as you are feeling, but its a beautiful world out there, and you have a future and the chance of more babies, what's money. !!!!!

rubyslipper

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

Ive got the GP appointment at 5.20.

Marmite has been following me around the flat as he knows somethings wrong. I only have him which makes me feel a bit more pathetic.

Im so sorry for breaking down like this.
Its just got all on top of me.

I got so panicked i couldnt breathe

Am so glad you have an appointment today, that's brilliant. Don't be afraid to be completely honest with your GP about everything that's happened/is happening and ask for help. They may recommend some local counselling which although not everyone's thing has really helped me. In the meantime, just be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up about everything. Yes, it's a real low point for you right now but it WILL get better. All this shall pass darling, I promise.

Give Marmite a hug - he's worried sick about you! xxx

P.S. If you want to PM and talk as others have said, you're always welcome x

aligerdie

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

Ive got the GP appointment at 5.20.

Marmite has been following me around the flat as he knows somethings wrong. I only have him which makes me feel a bit more pathetic.

Im so sorry for breaking down like this.
Its just got all on top of me.

I got so panicked i couldnt breathe

You are not pathetic at all. Its not surprising you have reached breaking point after everything which has happened.

I lost a baby 3 years ago, and I am only just coming to terms with it now - with the help of medication and counselling. It takes time, You need support, and if your mum and sister are there for you, take advantage of them.

ebonylight

Any man that blames a woman for a miscarriage and shouts at you and uses you is a complete SWEARWORD and not worth your time, compassion and love. Get rid.

You are quite clearly a very wonderful person who recently has had a lot of bullocks to deal with. Stop trying to take the blame hun, none of this is your fault. You couldn't foresee your redundancy coming and having it happen twice is sheer bad luck.

Get yourself any old job to cover the mortgage, speak to a solicitor (if you tell me which part of the country you are in I might be able to help you find a good one) and get the mortgage put into your name so you can re-mortgage and hopefully cut the payments down. Or, as suggested, walk away and take it on the chin that you have been reposessed. If it saves your HEALTH and WELLBEING it is the very best option.

No break up is easy but one with a complete SWEARWORD is the hardest type. You just have to remember you're the better person and start loving yourself. You sound like you are fairly young (like myself) and from that point of view, remember there is so much more to look forward to yet!!

Lots and lots of cuddles, me xxx