on the verge of ending it. cant see a way out

rosered1963

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

Ive got the GP appointment at 5.20.

Marmite has been following me around the flat as he knows somethings wrong. I only have him which makes me feel a bit more pathetic.

Im so sorry for breaking down like this.
Its just got all on top of me.

I got so panicked i couldnt breathe

Hi Blondiie- I'm so sorry to hear about all that - my God! Where is Sparky?

You know what I'm going to say - leave that flat girl. You have some great friends on here - I will do anything I can to help you - pm me anytime

Buffythedebtslayer

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

i do need to get rid of the ex, i feel stuck like im a hole and cant get out as if i had a job i could leave
i know he takes advantage of me. he blamed me for the baby and i know he hates me

i just cant cope. i cry all the time. i look back and want to feel normal again

i only have my mum and my sister but i feel like a burden to them as my sister has only had a baby herself

i didnt want to think i had depression but deep down i know im not right. i want someone to tell me it will be ok. im so scared

im scared of bein on my own. if baliffs come. i might never find someone else that would love me

Some one will love you, I feel like that sometimes but I hold on to the idea that there has to be someone out there for everyone. I am no less deserving then anyone else.

the ex is scum for blaming you, it is a terrible horrible loss to go through without having some awful selfish thing hanging around playing you. !!!!!!!.

Being on your own isn't easy having to manage and not wanting to be a burden - I can relate to that too. You get the hang of it. the trick I have found is to not expect everything to work, deal with one thing at a time, easily said I know cos where do you start, (small things, filing in my case!) and sometimes things will slide but its not the end of the world.

You will have days when you feel bad when you can't you just can't what ever it is. but you will have days when you can.

keep posting keep making small changes, each step, docs, talking to family, posting here, sorting out paperwork, it all helps get you back to being you again and that day will come. ((((((hugs))))))))

Hollyberry

Hi Blondie

Just wanted to reiterate (if you haven't left already) the suggestion to tell your GP everything. Mine was far, far more supportive than I ever dreamed she could be when I needed help, and I hope yours is just as good.

Keep taking one step at a time. You have so much to offer, and I wish there was a way of moving more swiftly past all the current carp that is causing so much pain. Let your family and friends help - including all the ones on here. It's not just Marmite in your corner, you know. Let us know how you get on with the GP.

rupe34

Blondie Blondie! I WISH I could give you a proper hug in person instead of the horrible threesome hug thing. PLEASE post and let us know how you got on at the doctors today - and remember you can be upbeat or downbeat - you have a LOT of friends here, and we think you are brilliant.

Something to think about for tomorrow or the day after - did you make an appointment with the CAB yet?? I bet your sister would go with you if you can't face it on your own. They will do their absolute best to help you. x

Eager_Elephant

Just popped back for a re-read and I have changed my thoughts on ex-OH.

Initially I said maybe he was staying in the hope of getting some equity BUT now I think that he is treating you badly because he wants you to dump him.

If he dumped you people would think he was a nasty piece of work, leaving his girlfriend who had lost a baby etc but if you finish it he can blame the stress of losing the baby making you do it.

God men are such cowards

Hugs again, hope you got on ok at the doctors

EE

redstararnie76

Oh Blondie, I've just come on and I'm so sorry to hear what a time you're having of it!!! [Sending you lots of hugs]

I hope you get on ok at the dr's - I'm thinking of you.
Sorry to say it, but Sparky has to go - while I know you'll miss him, he's not supporting you (and I don't mean financially!) at a time when you need him. We all know men can be annoying, but if he's not helping you financially and he's not helping you emotionally - then he's not helping you! (Sorry, bit of Oprah there)
But seriously, I'm sorry to hear about the baby, while it's understandable (although it's still not right), as someone who perhaps isn't good at dealing with his emotions, that Sparky may feel angry in general, as a response, directing it at you isn't acceptable.

Take care of yourself and remember there are lots of people to talk to. It sounds like your sister is trying to help, and there are many of us (me included!) who would be more than happy to lend an ear - just pm me.

Merlinexcalibur

Just a bit of humour but this Sparky needs his fuse changing. Or sparkplug. :D

beanielou

Hope you got on ok at the GP.
Keep posting.

savingholmes

Hi blondie - I only recently found your other diary - and I was so impressed by how witty and upbeat it was. You have talent girl. You will get another job - give it time.

Hope your gp appointment went ok. 1 in 4 of us will suffer with depression in our lives. It is very common. I have had periods of deep dark depression but I have also come out of it the other side with the aid of both medication and talking therapies eg counselling. The biggest mistake that strong people make - is that they put everyone else's needs above their own for too long - sound familiar?

You are a strong person - you are just as entitled as anyone else to a bit of help when you need it - so take it! You have to nurture yourself before you can nurture others - do something fun just for you!

ebonylight

Blondie make sure you keep us updated as to your gp apointment.