Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

fitzilian19

just had alfie weighed... put on an average of 2oz a day over the last 12 days... and he'd emptied bowels / had empty tummy!!

his tongue-tie appot is monday - looking forward to that cos my b00bies get a bit sore with all his scoffing...



going to measure his height in a min... see if hes tall or just chubby! 75th centile on height + weight...



ex hasnt seen him for 5 weeks 3 days & we're away for the rest off week for grandads funeral/burial

fitzilian19

hi guys... need some positive vibes sent this way.

emailed ex to ask him to sign a form extending the mortgage term to reduce the monthly payments and also to warn him i'm going to need to sell the car to raise enough cash to pay his half of the mortgage for the next year while he studies...

he's come back saying money his parents and nana gave were gifts and i've had enough from him already...
money he's talking about is a. deposit for the house from his parents as a wedding gift - equivilant to what they paid for his sisters wedding
b. money towards a new car - because he wouldnt lower himself to buy a second hand car.



am i being unreasonable? he hasnt paid a penny towards Alfie, hasnt even visited him in over 7 weeks and he hasnt paid his half of the mortgage since July... even in the run up he paid less than he was due to because he decided he should only pay half the interest.



getting really close to saying something i shouldnt. things are strained enough as it is...

Katyag

For a start I hope you have the CSA on him, I cant stand it when men make babies and then dont pay for them. Touchy subject as my brother is being one of them just now and we arent talking because of it!

Have you sorted it out legally yet? He doesnt deserve you being nicey nicey about it anymore.

fitzilian19

not sorted legally... i'm on income support and cant quite afford food & mortgage at the mo... hes not working - as far as i know - so hasnt chased that side of things up...



been trying to hold my tongue to enable his mother to have a relationship with the baby.. she jumps to his defense if i ever say anything near what i really want to...

Katyag

fitzilian19 wrote: »

been trying to hold my tongue to enable his mother to have a relationship with the baby.. she jumps to his defense if i ever say anything near what i really want to...

I wouldnt hold my tongue! My mum is disgusted with my brother and she agrees when either I or his babies mum say anything about him. Parents who cant see their grown up kids have failings really annoy me!

Wouldnt you be entitled to legal aid if you on IS?

fitzilian19

probably could get legal aid but i dont think i'd be able to get a financial settlement for the baby unless he was earning?


his mother has an issue with seeing her son for what he really is... but i dont want to be seen as the baddie in this for speaking out about him.

MrsTinks

Have you pointed out to him that if you can't pay the mortgage then so long as he's on it he will end up being jointly liable and his credit score will be affected for the next 6 years too?
Not saying you should have to point this out but hey - if it means he coughs up his share then why not...
And more to the point if you end up defaulting the mortgage etc etc and the creditors decide you aren't worth chasing they will come after HIM for the full amount...

MrsTinks

Also - do go to the CSA - at least that way your claim is registered

fitzilian19

i cant lose the house... cant afford my own place and cab told me no help available with housing cos of the mortgage.

he supposedly has nothing to his name, im sat in the house with all the funiture, tv etc and the car...


im getting mortgage help soon from jobcentre, but outgoings on bills, mortgage, food etc is still more than what i'll be getting in benefits...


is it unreasonable to want to sell the car to raise funds for his half of the mortgage?

MrsTinks

Depends - is the car in your name? If it isn't then you can't sell it.
When are you planning to return to work and how will that affect your finances?

And yes I know staying home with baby is preferable but if he won't cough up then you need to increase your income somehow... have you got room for a lodger?

And whether or not you want/can leave your house - you can still threaten him that any mark on the mortgage repayments etc WILL affect him too. Tell a little white fib if you must!