I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

kelie

I don't know I haven't spoken to her. I am heartbroken, I feel used I don't understand why he couldn't just love me and how he could have done this to me for a year and 5 months

x_karrie_x

hi kellie, this is my first post, although i have been lurking for 6months or so. Didnt want to read and run as your diary could have been written by me 6 months ago. i know you feel heartbroken now but give it time and you will feel so much better, not only will you have more control over your finances but your no longer be walking on eggshells waiting for the next incident to happen. hang in there babes, look after yourself, do nice things just for you, let yourself heal and most of all be thankful you have seen his true colours now before he had any more time to rob you of more money and love. big hugs xxxx

poddle911

Aww Kelie, I'm really sorry to hear that *sends lots of hugs your way* I know you probably don't want to hear it right now, but it sounds like it will be for the best in the long run. Of course you're heartbroken now, it's totally horrible when any relationship ends, but at least you don't have all the guilt of being 'the bad guy' and kicking him out etc I agree with everything Karrie says (hi Karrie:wave:) - take some time out for you, use a little bit of your hard-earned cash to splurge on some nice things and then you can make a new start. It would be great if you can get a friend to move in with you, not just for financial help, but for bringing you [STRIKE]tea[/STRIKE] wine and chocolate and sitting in your pyjamas watching Sex and the City kind of help and to quote Yazz (which I don't often do, and also "Christ I'm old") the only way is up, baby! take care x x

mogchops

Hi Kelie, just wanted to send a big hug as well. I hope you are feeling ok today.

kelie

Hi guys. He came back. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing really. I told him if he comes back, he's not having any money, any booze and i'm not being treated badly anymore.

Also he has to phone the alcohol support and apply for jobs today. Otherwise he's back living with his parents. I think the power has shifted to me now though as although it was really hard not to text or phone him, I didn't he phoned me

This morning had a bit of an incident with a new client who thought I was unprofessional Trying to stay positive.

FeeFee

Hi Kelie

Just wanted to say Hi and I hope you have friends around you to support you, as well as your MSE buddies of course!
If your BF is accessing support for himself you could consider trying out a local Al-anon group or similar to get some advice of your own. I found these meetings invaluable when in a similar situation and they gave me strength. (Relationship didn't work out tho - he stopped going to his meetings!!):rolleyes:

Good Luck

duchy

Just read this all the way through.......

Are you allowing him to move back in-Sounds like he was pretty quick to walk. In your situation him walking would change things for me and I'd be giving him two weeks to find a job or back to his parents he'd go.....actually I'd probably not have let him move back UNTIL he'd found a job. I'm a cynic though and I'd be talking to his Mum and finding out if he came back because they didn't want him-I'd need to be very sure he was back for ME and not just because it was an easier option. Sorry I know that sounds harsh but he's watching you struggle and stress daily over money yet can't get off his backside to even look for a job.

Now one thing that struck me was something you've mentioned several times about your Mum-that when she knows you're having a hard time she buys you stuff. Nothing wrong with that-she sounds lovely BUT ......do you think that a little bit of you now equates buying stuff (food Sentana etc) for your lesser half as a way of showing you care ? That maybe you feel that by not buying him stuff you're being less loving (which you aren't). Just something that kept coming to mind as I read your posts.

Hang tough Kellie-as you say the balance of power has swung-and although it shouldn't be a war but a partnership for now maybe you need to hold the cards. I wish you all the happiness in the world and security too. If you feel he can be a member of your team (your Mum and BFF sound fab) and be a part of the solution that's wonderful-but remember if he isn't part of the solution-he's part of the problem !!

kelie

Just wanted to say Hi and I hope you have friends around you to support you, as well as your MSE buddies of course!
If your BF is accessing support for himself you could consider trying out a local Al-anon group or similar to get some advice of your own. I found these meetings invaluable when in a similar situation and they gave me strength. (Relationship didn't work out tho - he stopped going to his meetings!!):rolleyes:

Hi FeeFee, I have had a look to see where the nearest Al-Anon group is, its quite far away though My OH phoned the local alcohol support group today he hasn't made an appointment though he said they are posting some stuff to him, and if he can arrange an appointment within a week. To be honest I think he is doing this to shut me up and keep me happy for another few days. This afternoon he has told me that we are on a trial!! I was so shocked, surely its up to me if I want to keep him, not the other way around. His arguement is that I don't do any training / keep fit. Such a shallow reason for dumping someone if you ask me.

kelie

I'm a cynic though and I'd be talking to his Mum and finding out if he came back because they didn't want him-I'd need to be very sure he was back for ME and not just because it was an easier option.

I am worried that might be the case I must admit. His parents are going abroad for 2 months and I know they don't want him living there on his own. But then part of it I think is also that he is bored up there. I wish it was for the right reasons but today hasnt shown me any hope if I am honest.

Now one thing that struck me was something you've mentioned several times about your Mum-that when she knows you're having a hard time she buys you stuff. Nothing wrong with that-she sounds lovely BUT ......do you think that a little bit of you now equates buying stuff (food Sentana etc) for your lesser half as a way of showing you care ? That maybe you feel that by not buying him stuff you're being less loving (which you aren't).

You're probably right here. I don't think its because my mum does, as she never used to do it when I wasn't struggling with money. But I do think subconciously, I have done it because I thought if I didn't he would dump me... which he technically did. Everyone thinks he is using me, even people who I meet for the first time

duchy

<sigh>
Please kick him out -you're worth better ! He's a spounger whose own family don't want him either......dare I ask what happened with his previous relationships ? You said waaaaay back on the thread he was childish and didn't take responsibility-but you're enabaling him to be both these things-You're his girlfriend NOT his Mother-keeping him is NOT your job Hun !!
(and I DON'T ever tell anyone what to do with relationships but the "trial" comment says it all)