Right this is difficult.

Kimberley

Errata wrote: »

Kimberley - neither do you know that he wasn't. Have you got your own agenda with this ?

I know my kids dad looks at my daughters boobs, not in a sexual way but he says to me how he cannot believe she is growing into a women. My brothers look also when they visit, not in a sexual way but because when you look at people you do look, you look at what they wear and you look at their physical shape.

When I talk to my son's, my daughter, my brother's, my sister in fact anyone I look them up and down, it's natural.

Santos described her hubby as he keet on staring, but how do you know he does? How do you know that she isn't imagining that he is because she has turned it into a big issue?

My daughter lacks confidence and when she first started to develope her breasts she covered up even in front of me until now she is 16 she is more confident and doesn't cover up.

I bet his daughters cover up because they have just started to develope and feel embarrassed and they may even cover up for their mum as well.

They are still very young so will be embarrassed no matter who it is.

If it is true and he is perving over his daughters then yes she was right to get rid of him but I sense that if this is not a wind up that she is just over reacting.

Errata

Kimberley - I can only say that I don't know, and neither do you. However it is not normal or acceptable behaviour for an adult male to stare at the breasts of every woman he sees.
What you do in your family is your business, it may be different to the way other families conduct themselves.

Kimberley

Errata wrote: »

Kimberley - I can only say that I don't know, and neither do you. However it is not normal or acceptable behaviour for an adult male to stare at the breasts of every woman he sees.
What you do in your family is your business, it may be different to the way other families conduct themselves.

All i'm saying is that it is impossible for any man to talk or look at a female without noticing her boobs. I'm not really good at explaining things properly so i can't put in words what i'm trying to get at

paddy's_mum

Santos - I'm with you 100% and it matters not to me whether you are an alter ego or a troll or a wind-up merchant, although I sense that you are none of those things but a genuine person. Whatever, what you were describing had the ring of truth to it and deserved sensible, helpful answers.

I don't believe for one second that your husband wasn't entirely aware of what he was doing - he simply chose not to care so long as he got his nasty little thrill - in the same way that drunks know that society frowns on their behaviour and hide their liquor bottles.

To believe somehow that he was an innocent victim of his own conduct is naive in the extreme or do most of us think that under similar circumstances, it's okay for a junkie to beat a child almost to death but later claim to have been unaware?

For those who think ogling is just an admiring look, I suggest you consult a dictionary and then consider that most ogling is not complimentary but frank sexual assessment and something that no father ought to be doing, if he is in his right mind.

Some highly valid points have been made during this thread and I think especially of the comments about how your daughters' friends may be treated in the future and what effect adverse comment about your husband may have on the well being of you and your girls.

I may be wide of the mark but I'd bet money that this is not the only highly unsavoury conduct by your husband that you have endured for years. Add to that the realisation that almost certainly other female relations and friends have disliked being made to feel so uncomfortable and kept their distance and there you have a slowly simmering cauldron of disgust, revulsion, isolation and fear that has finally erupted today. Add to that mixture the unreasonably angry response from the father and his threat to leave the family and the home if he is nagged about it any more (really! - you feel that strongly about your right to stare at your own children as objects of lust, then?) Is it really so hard to understand that the OP's words in this thread are just the tip of a possibly enormous iceberg and that santos has unleashed within herself a now unstoppable force?

It is my fierce view that the OP has displayed enormous courage and has put a defiant stop to her husband's offensive and damaging conduct towards his children. I'm quite sure that if it were possible to find out, we would discover one woman in Austria who will wish to the end of her life that her own mother had shown a similar level of bravery when she had the opportunity.

Santos - I wish you and your children every happiness in the future and good luck over the next few difficult weeks.

Errata

Kimberley wrote: »

All i'm saying is that it is impossible for any man to talk or look at a female without noticing her boobs. I'm not really good at explaining things properly so i can't put in words what i'm trying to get at

You'd be able to explain yourself more effectively if you stopped making sweeping generalisations . "it is impossible" is your opinion, not a fact.

Kimberley

Errata wrote: »

You'd be able to explain yourself more effectively if you stopped making sweeping generalisations . "it is impossible" is your opinion, not a fact.

It's ok i'll stay out of it from now on unless of course the post is directed at me. I know what your saying but people do have to be careful.

poet123

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Santos - I'm with you 100% and it matters not to me whether you are an alter ego or a troll or a wind-up merchant, although I sense that you are none of those things but a genuine person. Whatever, what you were describing had the ring of truth to it and deserved sensible, helpful answers.

I don't believe for one second that your husband wasn't entirely aware of what he was doing - he simply chose not to care so long as he got his nasty little thrill - in the same way that drunks know that society frowns on their behaviour and hide their liquor bottles.

To believe somehow that he was an innocent victim of his own conduct is naive in the extreme or do most of us think that under similar circumstances, it's okay for a junkie to beat a child almost to death but later claim to have been unaware?

For those who think ogling is just an admiring look, I suggest you consult a dictionary and then consider that most ogling is not complimentary but frank sexual assessment and something that no father ought to be doing, if he is in his right mind.

Some highly valid points have been made during this thread and I think especially of the comments about how your daughters' friends may be treated in the future and what effect adverse comment about your husband may have on the well being of you and your girls.

I may be wide of the mark but I'd bet money that this is not the only highly unsavoury conduct by your husband that you have endured for years. Add to that the realisation that almost certainly other female relations and friends have disliked being made to feel so uncomfortable and kept their distance and there you have a slowly simmering cauldron of disgust, revulsion, isolation and fear that has finally erupted today. Add to that mixture the unreasonably angry response from the father and his threat to leave the family and the home if he is nagged about it any more (really! - you feel that strongly about your right to stare at your own children as objects of lust, then?) Is it really so hard to understand that the OP's words in this thread are just the tip of a possibly enormous iceberg and that santos has unleashed within herself a now unstoppable force?

It is my fierce view that the OP has displayed enormous courage and has put a defiant stop to her husband's offensive and damaging conduct towards his children. I'm quite sure that if it were possible to find out, we would discover one woman in Austria who will wish to the end of her life that her own mother had shown a similar level of bravery when she had the opportunity.

Santos - I wish you and your children every happiness in the future and good luck over the next few difficult weeks.

I have to say that all you have written here may well be the truth,but really most of it is conjecture,unless the OP confirms it. If it is true,then of course the man derserves censure and the OP has probably made the right decsion.

However,and I suggest this only as another side of the coin which has not been considered. What if the OP is of a jealous disposition,and sees this behaviour when it is not actually happening,what if she is projecting this onto her daughters? Lots of women actually resent the youth and beauty of their daughters.

If you were the man,and were constantly accused of such vile behaviour would you not react angrily? Just an observation,which could be as true as any you have mooted.

Only the OP and her family know the real truth of the matter,we cannot judge on the few details,nor without first hand knowledge of the people involved.

santos39

poet123 wrote: »

I have to say that all you have written here may well be the truth,but really most of it is conjecture,unless the OP confirms it. If it is true,then of course the man derserves censure and the OP has probably made the right decsion.

However,and I suggest this only as another side of the coin which has not been considered. What if the OP is of a jealous disposition,and sees this behaviour when it is not actually happening,what if she is projecting this onto her daughters? Lots of women actually resent the youth and beauty of their daughters.

If you were the man,and were constantly accused of such vile behaviour would you not react angrily? Just an observation,which could be as true as any you have mooted.

Only the OP and her family know the real truth of the matter,we cannot judge on the few details,nor without first hand knowledge of the people involved.

I dont resent their youth and beauty i am very proud of my girls and jealously doesn't come into it im sorry but i dont understand any mother being jealous of their own daughters , now i have to be careful what i say because some people tend to jump down your throat. I have been married to him for 15 years in that time he has had an affair which i forgave him for and he has always had a thing for the ladies and has always stared at them now this really didn't bother me as thats the way i am , now all was fine until he started to look at the girls now this bothered me , ok he has always looked at chests men do but when it was happening this time i told him he said he wasn't so i left it then the girls started to say they didn't like it he said he wasn't doing anything, we didn't scream at him , it got to the point where he still did it so i decided to shout and he said that he would walk out He didn't say sorry to the girls he didn't even say if he didn't mean to do it. When we discussed this again he said ok i am going and not coming back , he didn't even say goodbye. Why couldn't he have said to me ok i didn't know i was doing it and i am sorry, he didn't say it he just walked out . Some people would say i was nagging him but if i didn't keep on would he have just kept doing it? sorry if i spelt things wrong

Kimberley

Santos you have to accept positive and negative posts if you want to put your business on a public forum. You know full well that not all replies will be what you want to read.

santos39

Yes kimberley i accept that and i will never post again
Thank you for your input I hope no one else has to go through this.
Thank guys for your advice and support
take care all