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Perhaps you could encourage your wife to sign up for an account on here to provide her input?

emlou2009

can i ask why you're against childcare? i will definitely put my baby into childcare when i go back to work, i was an only child and found problems right through probably to my teens because my parents hadnt interacted me with any other children until i went to playschool at age 4 as it was then. i dont want the same thing for my child. yes, it means that someone else will be looking after my child while i'm at work and i think its going to be very hard for me to let go at first but i believe it will be beneficial for him plus i get the social interaction of being around friends at work myself which will make me less stressed.

Idiophreak

meeps wrote: »

its wonderful that you are saving up for a better future, but on the other hand you may have no future as a family if you carry on like this and burn yourself out- I think you need to prioritise your wellbeing and consider some other options, perhaps changing your job, or putting the lo with a childminder for a few mornings or afternoons so you can catch up

Agree with this wholeheartedly. There's no point whatsoever in saving for the future if it's going to make you miserable in the meantime and ruin your relationship with your OH and son.

Ditch the night work, get a day job, put your son in a nursery week days - then actually enjoy your life together as a family evenings and weekends. That way you and the OH can go through the chores together and seeing more of each other will probably bring you closer again.

You're young, your son's young - this is supposed to be a happy time for a young family. Quit worrying about the future and concentrate on enjoying the present for a while.

Marcheline

Hi I can see why the OP doesn't want to put his child into childcare (especially so young) as I disagree with it myself, but it may be the only way of sorting this thing out. If the OP disagrees with childcare strongly enough and if it's financially feasible, I would recommend he gives up his night shift/all work entirely and concentrates on being a full time housedad. At least then he and his wife are contributing to the household equally.

If you can afford not to work (don't worry about savings etc..I just mean can you pay the bills and get by without both working) then I'd quit my job and just be a househusband.

Yorkshire-Lady_3

Re - Childcare.

I appreciate you're worried about the cost, and that you want to keep adding to you savings, but believe me - there are no pockets in a shroud.

You need to seriously think about your situation and NOT just about the money.

Don't forget, as long as you're both working 16 hours a week or more, you can get up to 80% of the childcare fees paid.

This would free up time for you to sleep, and lets face it, you cannot function properly or see clearly when you're sleep deprived. Some countries use sleep deprivation as torture!

Hope this helps.

Y-L

Rikki

You need to sit down, talk to your wife and tell her how you feel.

k1mmie

As mentioned a young child in itself is enough to stress any marriage and put physical demands on you. Let alone you both working opposite shifts. You need to find a balance that works between you. Leaving is not the answer. You will have to sit her down and tell her how you feel and what you think she could be doing to help you out. You will tell by her reaction if she is taking you for granted (which she probably is, but not intentionally). I agree with OP that it may be worth paying out for a cleaner to relieve a bit of stress and give you more time. Also try to make some time for you as a couple and get family to babysit. It will pay dividends in the long run in your relationship rather than a few quid extra in the bank and no relationship. It is certainly worth a try!


Maybe worth having a read of this thread: what do you expect ur man to do around the house? A bit of an eye opener - from both sides!!

Pee

It sounds to me like you are a great Dad, and the best possible role model that your son could have. I doubt very much that it could be the best for you or him for you to live apart. (And if you did, who would do the washing then?)
Would it be possible to pay a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? If you felt more comfortable with that than childcare, it might take some of the pressure off you. Would it be possible for you to reduce your hours, maybe one night a week less, as a compromise.
I do think that you need to talk about it, and find a fairer balance to the housework. I'm sure if you did talk about it your OH could reassure you that she appreciates you for what you do and does not intend you to feel disrespected.

Girlzmum

I know its been suggested that you give up the night duty but even cutting it back could help. It sounds as though you really need to talk to your wife, you broke down in front of her but why didn't you talk to her? I know that arguments can clear the air but they don't really resolve anything so sit down with her, if necesary draw up a rota and let her see what you are coping with atm.

u01jet4

Hey,

I just wanted to say how impressed I am at what you are taking on as a 24 year old. My boyfriend is nearly 24 and he can't even hang out a wash let alone run a household like you are doing. I echo most posters thoughts that you sound like the best father a child could wish for, and I think you seem to be a great role model.

But it definitely seems like the stress of everything is getting you down and I think you really need to come up with some type of rota. Maybe try a rotating one so that one week you do the dishes all week while your wife cleans the bathroom and work surfaces? if you rotate the jobs which aren't noisy then it means they can be done whenever suits both of you, so if she prefers to do it before work in the morning rather than 7 at night, then that will be ok. Things like hoovering can just be done whenever everyone is up seeing as it doesnt take too long anyway.

I cannot stress how much I admire the effort you are putting into your family, and although it isn't good to bottle things up, I think it is great you still want to make things work and keep the happy image that everyone has of you as a couple. With a lot of talking, and some sort of rota (oh and perhaps a few hours childcare like everyone else says) you will be able to get things back on track.

Sorry to waffle on but do you have time at the weekend together where you can both be up and about during the day? Do you ever do anything as just the two of you, and I mean out of the house, go for drinks or dinner or anything?

I hope you are ok