MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should rich Rich pay for Tom, !!!!!! & Harry?

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  • Susan_Frost
    Susan_Frost Posts: 416 Forumite
    If I were Rich I would wait until the bill came, then say "It's my treat"

    However, if I had found out about the conversation, I would not say anything, but would let them all pay for themselves. Then, ditch Tom and !!!!!!. Keep the friendship with Harry and invite him to a day out quad biking, or something, to celebrate my win.

    I think, in the long run, if Rich did keep paying, the genuine friends would find it embarassing and it could lead to him not being invited places as friends would be unsure how to be around him.

    However, I would also throw a couple of events each year for everyone as a way of sharing my good fortune. Lavish B-B-Q in summer, maybe something around New Year in winter.
  • elliep_2
    elliep_2 Posts: 711 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I think it's atually a more complicated question than I first thought.

    Rich has just won a lot of money and will naturally want to share that with his friends and for that reason I think he should pay. Not because he has to but because they are his friends and he'll want to celebrate with them.

    On the other hand, hasn't he already celebrated with them at the party he threw? If he pays for their meal now then they'll expect it even more next time. Pretty soon he'll have thrown enough parties and bought enough rounds of drinks and meals that his financial situation will be back to being similar to theirs and they'll still think of him as being the rich one who should pay for everything.

    I think there is a very sensitive balance to find so that Rich makes the best use of his windfall and first sorts out buying a house and making it nice then arranging the rest of the money to provide income from interest for the future. At that point he should see what his income is and decide whether to top that up with a job. It may end up that once his friends get jobs and pay their mortgages/rent and Rich chooses not to get a job that he's very rich in time but not in cash. Though that could be argued to be his choice because he could get a job and be very cash rich. He shouldn't have to do that just to keep repeatedly buying his friends though.
  • ~*Plushroom*~
    ~*Plushroom*~ Posts: 2,542 Forumite
    MSE_Andrea wrote: »
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:
    Should rich Rich pay for Tom, !!!!!! &; Harry?

    A few months ago, Rich who’s just graduated from Uni, won £3.9m on the lottery. He had a big party to celebrate a couple of weeks ago. Now he’s arranged to meet fellow recent graduates Tom, !!!!!! and Harry; none of whom have found work yet, for a curry night and beers like they used to at Uni. On the way to meet him, Tom & !!!!!! chat, saying Rich had better pay for them all now he’s so loaded. Yet Harry’s not so sure. Should rich Rich pay for Tom, !!!!!! & Harry?

    Rich should ditch Tom and !!!!!! if they aren't just joking with that comment. Yes he had a big win, and chances are if he's a good friend he'll offer to pay - but to expect it just isn't right.

    For all they know he was planning to pay the bill anyway but was leaving it as a nice little surprise. He already paid for a big party which they all went to and celebrated. Tom and !!!!!! can't expect Rich to now pay for everything just because he got lucky.

    If they can't afford it they shouldn't go, and if they can afford it but have decided he should pay anyway because he's got more that's really sad.

    Keep Harry and search for some better mates, it should be up to him who he treats and when he does so.
    The "Bloodlust" Clique - Morally equal to all. Member 1/Official 'Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)' Member 18
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  • Cloudane
    Cloudane Posts: 524 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Quite an interesting one.

    Yes, Rich ought to splash out on his friends just the once, as part of celebrating the win. To not do so after winning 3.9m is really really tight fisted! (mind, in my experience the richer someone is the less willing they are to spend any of their fortune, but I don't know how widespread that is)

    However, Tom and !!!!!! should not be seriously expecting him to pay. That basically places them as "what can he do for me" type friends, who are not real friends. Jokingly saying it and maybe hoping he will, fine, but relying on it or saying that "he'd better" is not on. In other words, if they said something like "pay for us or we're not your mates any more" and I was Rich, I'd tell them to sod off!

    Furthermore, after the initial celebratory treat, they should not expect him to pay every time they go out or anything ridiculous like that - regardless of wealth, why should he pay for them all the time? They need to learn to earn (or win) their own money, not rely one someone else's fortune.

    Edit: also, as someone said earlier in the thread, the more he does this the more they will expect it, then other people will start jumping on the bandwagon too, and before you know it he's paying for curries for 20 'freebie grabbers' (the proper word is censored?) every week. So yeah, a one off treat for his friends would be the nice thing to do, but should not be expected, any anything thereafter is most definitely at his discretion. If I were him, I'd probably pay sometimes but only if they're making some kind of effort to improve upon their situation, and are intending to either pay for themselves or not come. Basically, if they're honest and not dropping huge hints like coming out with 90p and counting it out when the bill comes.
  • awehla
    awehla Posts: 109 Forumite
    sukki wrote: »
    If they were true friends the conversation would not have happened,as true friendship is simply that, money doesnt come into it, unless of course they were just aquaintencies now that is something different altogether.:confused:

    I don't know about true friendship but I know friends can like each other and still !!!!! like that behind each others backs. They are only human and just saying what a lot of people would be thinking.

    I don't think the friends should expect Rich to pay but if he offers that's nice.
  • Cynic_2
    Cynic_2 Posts: 14 Forumite
    We have this strange attitude in this country that people who know someone who has suddenly become richer (it used to be a football pools or horse race betting win, now it is likely to be a lottery win) feel no shame in expecting to be treated.

    My outlook is that I would willing treat all who supported me in my losing weeks, buying me the occasional drink, or whatever in the process.
  • girleight@
    girleight@ Posts: 213 Forumite
    I would not expect him to pay but I might think he was stingy if he didn't. But then I agree that as time wore on you couldn't keep expecting a rich friend to pay for you as it would ruin the friendship.
  • studioeng
    studioeng Posts: 55 Forumite
    I may be reading this wrong; but money, no matter how large or small does not EVER come into a friendship. I don't need to be a millionaire to help out my friends if we ever go out. If I go out with a group of friends and they are unable (financially) to 'keep up' then I ALWAYS help them out. There has been many many occasions when I have been out with a group of friends and I have paid for part of the evening for one or two as they have run out of funds for the month, as I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I were ever in trouble; they would be there to help me out in anyway without hesitation.

    In a scenario where one of my friends has come into some money or been paid a bonus; I ALWAYS ALWAYS refuse for them to pay for me; I tell them to 'save it for a rainy day!'. Maybe I'm just sentimental or 'a bit weird', but to me, money and friendship are not used the same sentence, let alone the same paragraph.
  • donglefan
    donglefan Posts: 354 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    If you have 3.9 million, you definitely should pay for curry for unemployed friends.
  • macavity
    macavity Posts: 199 Forumite
    err, yes, of course rich should pay. if i was in work, and both my friends were not, then of course i would pay rather than see them struggle, or hold back on their spending, that's just what friends do. so if i had won a big prize like that, id have no problem paying for the night and would feel mean not to.

    rich would be a right tightwad if he didnt and wouldnt deserve friends

    cat
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