MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should rich Rich pay for Tom, !!!!!! & Harry?



  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped!
    This dilemma does reflect the inescapable fact that suddenly acquiring a large amount of money can change the dynamics of friendship in that suddenly the expectations of even close friends and family can change, so the dilemma is as much about the quality of friendship as anything else. I think Rich, mindful of the unemployed state of his friends, should offer to pay. His friends should not automatically expect that he will and should offer to pay their share, even if Rich gets out his plastic card.
  • andie99uk
    andie99uk Posts: 15 Forumite
    Of course he should pay. Its not like they are asking for the world. and any good mate will always be there for another.
    If it were me, I would spring for a weekend away as well. After all, neither have a job to go to, so a break might just help them look a little more positive on returning to look for a job
    :beer: Heaven dosent want me & Hell is scared I'll take over!
  • juliapenguin
    juliapenguin Posts: 763 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    I'm agreeing with Primrose.

    I think the key is that the big bash celebration party has already happened, which presumably Mr Lucky would have paid for. From that point on, life is back to normal for everyone and I think T, D and H should plan to pay their way.

    My best friend is SUBSTANTIALLY richer than me but I'm careful to pay my way and she is sensitive not to invite me to places I can't afford. I think that if she always paid, the balance of power in our friendship would be destroyed. My younger niece always expected me to pay for everything when we went out, and I soon got fed up of it - it felt like a parent/child relationship rather than two adults.
  • They should not expect Rich to pay but thank him if he does, perhaps offering to leave the tip between them
  • Why should he ? The lottery winner has already paid for the celebration party so it's business as usual with no passengers. The expectation that the rich man should always pay would destroy the balance of power and his friends would become supplicants if not actual hangers-on.
  • keet83
    keet83 Posts: 226 Forumite
    why? he dint make them go to uni. i just finished uni and i wouldn't want anyone to pay off my own student debts.
    however if he was to give them the money for the debts they should just put it all in an account with a higher interest rate then the messily 2% the student loan charges! :D
    [STRIKE]Beggars cant be choosers, but savers can![/STRIKE]
    That used to be the case :mad:
  • jenniewb
    jenniewb Posts: 12,836 Forumite
    Photogenic First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    There are two different things going on here, and two different questions:

    The first is on moral grounds, should Rich pay for the others to eat.
    The answer to that is no- that is unless Rich organised and invited the others, if it was a joint thing, then no, if Rich however, organised the whole thing, its his request, his treat, his bill, just like if you were invited to a dinner party or house party, its nice to bring a bottle, but not expected for you to foot the bill of the actual party/meal someone else cooks. Its no different just because they choose to eat out rather then eat in.
    Paying for his uni friends does not teach them anything morally, it rewards not being sucessful and does not send out a good or fair message,

    But on the otherhad, and the other question is, because they are friends, should he pay. Now with most friendships, the rules of moralistic grounds are always swayed, they err on the side of the friend, because love comes first and money, morals and sending out messages get overridden.

    Personally? It depends on what grounds the Uni friends are not working, are they just not the careing type or are they trying hard and struggling, I would want to give them the message that I do not support their not trying to get themselves out of thier own hole and also would not want to be forever seen as a money pot and being invited out again and again for endless bill paying or "lending" (where the money never gets returned) I would want to maintain respect from them rather then otherwise.
    However, the rule still remians, if I asked them out, I pay the bill, if they asked me out or it had been arranged equally between all of us (as the result of some reunion that takes place each year) I would expect us to pay our own bills.

    £3 million is alot, but it can easily be eaten up, you have to be concious and responsible of that, you have to stand moral grounds IMHO
  • pink_princess
    pink_princess Posts: 13,581 Forumite
    Is there an option for he should buy a business and employ them?;)
    Life is short, smile while you still have teeth :D
  • It'd be nice if Rich decided to pay once in awhile, but it's certainly not an obligation. He already had a party, and now maybe he doesn't want people to think he's being splashy. Maybe he used his cash to buy his mum a house...

    Money brings its own problems (or so I've heard!) - imagine worrying that your friends now only want to see you 'cause they think you'll pay. Sounds like one, at least, of the friends already thinks this should be so.

    Rich could diffuse a potentially awkward situation by offering at the start, "First round's on me, lads" and after that they could split the bill as normal. If he does offer to pay - for the meal, drinks, or whatever - one of the others can say "next time, all round to mine for pizza" or a video or whatever he can afford.

    Extreme situations can be a test of friendship both good and bad. You know - who disappears when you get really ill? Who can you count on to still see you when you can't afford the big dinners out anymore? Same thing here. Rich is probably wanting some normalcy with his mates, to remind him that he had a good life and friends before all that cash came his way, and that his new money isn't who he is.
  • Terry_D
    Terry_D Posts: 63 Forumite
    Last year I won just under £3k on the football pools (my first win since doing them for many many years). We had already planned to go out with our best friends, another couple, a few days later, for a curry strangely enough. At the end of the meal I insisted to pay for the evening because of my win. I know they would have done the same in similar circumstances. It was a one off (unless I win again of course :cheesy: ) and now it's back to splitting the bill straight down the middle when we go out again.
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