Debts in the City. A Modern Girls Guide to Life in 2009. My story.

rosered1963

Hi Blondie.

My friend is doing ok - escept she crashed her car and has decided to sell it as isn't well enough to to drive. She made ME lunch uesterday and we had a vodka and tonic together and then I did her garden. I love her so much and wish I was was like her.

Re your situation Blondie. I know what the engagement off thing is like, etc. It was the worst experience of my life. With the boyfriend since I was 19, then later we got engaged, then he started behaving like a single man even though we were living together. He was secretive. He used to come and go all hours of the day and night and not feel the need to tell me where he was going or when he would be back. Eventually, he left to "Sort out what he wanted". He soon came back, but it was never the same. He never asked me to marry him again and our rings were kept in the drawer. I found out that he had taken a girl from his work to the pictures, and then other things came to light, which he never admitted. I found photographs of him with girls I didn't know. I did some investigation, and found out some horrendous things about what he was doing, and I didn't know any of it (although I suspected).

I packed up my clean dress and walked out of the door. I can't tell you how great that was - I had been on the "heartbreak diet" for 7 months. I was so frightened and I still loved him, but I remember thinking, that's it - enough. I moved away, and my life began again. I had got myself back from that person he made me feel - a fat, useless nag and a part of the furniture. I soon found myself again and even though its years ago, I wake up every morning and thank god that I found the strength to leave him. I found out last month that he has died. I feel nothing, except sad for his parents. Don't be afraid - ask yourself - do you trust him and are you in love with him, and is the feeling mutual? If not, you know what to do. Life is out there waiting. I know I sound hard on my new younghusband, but I don't take any sh*t and he worships me! There are some great men out there babe, and a new job and new life waiting for you, if you decide that's what you want. xx

tilly2484

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

i.

I threw his phone at his head (he was sitting on the loo at the time - very comical looking back) :rotfl: :rotfl:

now that is funny!

But on side note only you can make this decision but i think deep down you may have already made it?

laura2481

blondiedebtfree wrote: »

then i found a text message on his phone saying 'miss you x' from an unknown number.

I threw his phone at his head (he was sitting on the loo at the time - very comical looking back) and walked out.

Forward to a big row and he walks out.

Throw the phone? I would have made him EAT the phone! And the HE walked out on YOU? That is some of the worst troll behaviour I have heard of. You deserve better. And if he can't give you better kick him to the curb! it will be hard, but better than putting up with sh*te like that and being constantly on eggshells. Do you rent? Because if you do I would just be out of there like a shot. Don't take that kind of carp, it doesn't help your confidence either. oooh, i'm just so mad for :mad:you

Swinstie73

Can I just chip in and say that although I've never been in the situation of wondering whether someone was cheating on me, I've been sh*t upon by a number of guys who would tell me they were single just so they could try it on. More recently, well four years ago, by a guy at work who quite blatantly told me he had a gf but he didn't love her, he would text me and I'm ashamed to say that while nothing mega nasty happened, I fell for him in a big way (he had a way with flattery). It took me almost two years and some weight loss and feeling ill to finally tell him to leave me alone - needless to say he is still with the gf, but if I was her I would dump his sorry a!s. She didn't deserve that and you don't either.

I've now been with my OH for almost two years and like Rosereds guy, he adores me (sometimes wonder why, ha). There are great guys out there and if you have your mum in your life, that's all you need. x

strumpet

babyhead wrote: »

Wanted to say am enjoying reading your diary!

I too get glares at the post office when I go - even the postlady gets annoyed with me! I dont know why - I want to send parcels and give her money!!

I would gratefully receive some lard - I need to gain about 1.5-2st (have a stupid lung disease...long story) and its proving difficult. Although all lard would have to be strategically placed

hope you hear about your interviews soon. shame about JSA.

Hi all,

I get soooo annoyed when post office staff are rude when you have lots of things to post. Excuse me lady - it's your job!!! If you don't like your job, please feel free to give it to Blondie - she's nice and would not be quite so rude to HER customers!

Presumably these rude staff will be the first cretins to complain that nobody uses their post office enough, when the government decide to close it down and sack the lot of them.

Sheeesh!!!!! Strewth!!!!!!!

Strumpet

Ps Blondie - your diary makes me laugh. You sound like a very jolly person which is not easy when you're going through the things you're going through.

Chin up chuck!!!

S
xxxx

rupe34

Hey girls :j

Blondie - I feel really awkward giving advice and whatnot - I'm much better rambling about the random crushes I have on strange people;) BUT please just ask yourself do you want to marry Sparky? DO you want to be married to the kind of person he is, the good and bad things about him, and the way he acts (good and bad, I'm totally not making a judgement here). If you want him to change - its unlikely to happen (not impossible but unlikely). Do you want him to potentially be the father of your children? Its a lot easier to walk away when you don't have to get a divorce to do it (if you see what I mean).

Hope that came over ok - obviously I don't know Sparky, and he must have some brilliant things going for him, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place.

rosered1963

rupe34 wrote: »

Hey girls :j

Blondie - I feel really awkward giving advice and whatnot - I'm much better rambling about the random crushes I have on strange people;) BUT please just ask yourself do you want to marry Sparky? DO you want to be married to the kind of person he is, the good and bad things about him, and the way he acts (good and bad, I'm totally not making a judgement here). If you want him to change - its unlikely to happen (not impossible but unlikely). Do you want him to potentially be the father of your children? Its a lot easier to walk away when you don't have to get a divorce to do it (if you see what I mean).

Hope that came over ok - obviously I don't know Sparky, and he must have some brilliant things going for him, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place.

I agree with Rupe - that is spot on

Swinstie73

Rupe, you could be a counseller! I don't ever think you can be totally trusting of anyone or know what they are thinking or feeling. My OH is brilliant and tells me he loves me all the time, but cos he has been married before (and made the comment 'I'll never wear a kilt again') I've got it in my head he doesn't want to marry me, even though I don't particularly want to get married. And he won't discuss things like contraception (I'm on the Implant and have gained weight) - don't know if it's just embarrassment why he won't talk.

Sorry for rambling, just one thing been annoying me!

rubyslipper

Rupe34 is definitely spot on with that advice.

I know it's easy for us to put in our twopenneth when we're not in your situation but what it comes down to is you remembering how much you're worth and looking after yourself. It's SO much easier said than done, I do realise. I finally ended it with my long term BF two weeks ago after months of guilty agonising (he wasn't the nicest of men and had a great many issues). It was pretty dreadful but now I'm out the other side I'm so glad I finally found the strength to do what I knew I had to.

The fact is you're a funny, intelligent, genuine girl who deserves so much more than the shoddy treatment you're getting. You and Marmite need to look after each other and work out what to do for the best. Talk to Sparky by all means but if that gets you nowhere, it's time to look out for number one.

We're all here for support too (even us brunettes) xxx

blondiedebtfree

Your all right and i know it.

Before we split he was a lovely man, not just saying that, the week before we split my sis was telling her friend how lucky i was!!! He used to be so kind and romantic etc. It all changed after september, be actually became a troll. My mum asked me if hed been taking drugs as his personality just did a 360. (nope doesnt do drugs, cant afford them and no other signs)

I would marry THAT man in a heartbeat, but the 'new' Sparky, nope. Hes become really mean and angry but i can say this, he actually believes hes not doing anything mean. He will look me in the eyes and be like 'what have i done'. Then that knocks me sideways as im not sure then IF has HAS done something wrong!

He called me 20 mins ago, and i yelled at him. Told him ive had enough and to sod off and all the reasons why i think hes cheating and said i wanted him to take all hit carp out the flat and go back to his mums. Then i promptly hung up before he could shout at me! (i then felt very brave for about 2 seconds and then upset!)

hes now text me saying 'ive done nothing wrong today'. So i texted him saying 'putting the phone down on me isnt on. I dont care anymore. I really dont.'

and i promise you all i wont text him later either. Its going to be AWFUL but i need to stand up for myself. actually quite scared now! :eek:

Laura and Cinny - we have a mortgage and are in neg equity:eek:. Mum has just got her payment from her and evil dads divorce, but shes still living at nans (no more room), sister had no room with new baby and shes allergic to cats so couldnt take Marmite. I know this sounds silly but i dont know what id do without Marmite. I'd rather put up with Sparky being nasty than lose my cat.

Hmmn tonite calls for serious food and DVD. Although i could seriously do with the breakup diet. That might be one the positive thing out of this.!