Another OH with debts

ladybez

Cap 1 was taken out in May 2007 (Thanks Experian)

RAS

Expletive. Debts taken out prior to April 2007 are much easier to challenge and Cap 1 have a very poor count when it comes for producing legal documents.

ladybez

I had wondered about the CCA route but had decided to let him find out for himself. I did think it would give him the impression that it was ok to wrack up a lot of debt and then wriggle out of repaying it only to repeat the process. If he'd had LBM I would feel differently

JoKay_2

Hi Ladybez, have just read your thread from start to finish and wanted to add my support and !!!!!!!!{cyber hugs}}}}}.

I can only agree with everything that every other poster has added here, and suspect that deep down you know that there is no future to your relationship. What is it going to take for you to finally pull the plug and ask him to leave??

Sorry it this sounds harsh, I genuinely wish you all the very best. Will subscribe to see how things are going for you.

ladybez

JoKay, I suspect I need a large shovel to dig my head out of the sand on that one!! I can't believe the number of people who have read this and given advice. It is largely thanks to you all that I am still here and posting!! Have just taken some of his latest purchases back to Mr.T's for a refund, (only undies but I'm trying to make a point) Probably won't be a happy bunny when he findsout

Aurora_emma

Hi there Ladybez, just read your whole thread and wanted to add my support. Good luck for the future. x

Soubrette

ladybez wrote: »

Have just taken some of his latest purchases back to Mr.T's for a refund, (only undies but I'm trying to make a point) Probably won't be a happy bunny when he findsout

I'm embarrassed to admit that if your husband is anything like me then he will just get angry and spend more - just to show you

My ex used to hide chocolate around the house so I wouldn't eat it, if I found any of it then of course I would eat it - 'cos that really showed him :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

I'm sharing this with you, not to point out what a greedy piggy I am but to say that sometimes trying to 'help' someone actually makes it worse

I hope your husband has nicer characteristics than me though

Sou

Paulgonnabedebtfree

ladybez wrote: »

JoKay, I suspect I need a large shovel to dig my head out of the sand on that one!! I can't believe the number of people who have read this and given advice. It is largely thanks to you all that I am still here and posting!! Have just taken some of his latest purchases back to Mr.T's for a refund, (only undies but I'm trying to make a point) Probably won't be a happy bunny when he findsout

It sounds like you are dealing with the symptoms rather than the problem. However, I suppose anything is possibly better than nothing. It sounds a bit like hiding the alcoholic's booze and marking the bottle to see if any has been drunk.
It sounds like what really needs to happen is for your OH to face up to his money problem. Wonder if a bit of reverse psychology might be called for? i.e. give him his card and his packed bags at the same time. That might be the catalyst to get him to face up to things. Not suggesting it but it's one of a number of options IMO. I feel that it needs something drastic for him to be shaken out of his currentr mode.

foi1983

ladybez wrote: »

JoKay, I suspect I need a large shovel to dig my head out of the sand on that one!! I can't believe the number of people who have read this and given advice. It is largely thanks to you all that I am still here and posting!! Have just taken some of his latest purchases back to Mr.T's for a refund, (only undies but I'm trying to make a point) Probably won't be a happy bunny when he findsout

I have read through your posts and am absolutely flabbergasted.

I am not only shocked at your husband but am also shocked and slightly disappointed by your own behaviour.

You are not helping your husband, you're enabling him!

He obviously hasnt changed and doesnt want to. Why would he? He obviously knows that you would never leave and are happy to sort out his mess.

Your situation is a lot like my friend's. She always complained about her husband and about his financial ineptitude and general uselessness. I would advise her, others would advise her, she agreed with the advice at the moment but would go home to her husband and continue to mollycoddle him. I came to realise that she liked mollycoddling him. She liked the fact that he was useless financially and she had to sort it out. It made her feel powerful, it made her feel like his mother basically.

I also came to realise that she just liked complaining to anyone that would listen about her useless husband to evoke sympathy.

Now, I am not accusing you of this but you seem to be bailing him out again and again. He uses his credit cards to buy hearing aids, clothes etc even though he is 70k in debt? He obviously has no respect for you as he doesnt think you deserve to know where he spent this 70k.

Your husband seems to be taking advantage of you and you're letting him and you know it.

I am sorry if I sound like a right c#w but I know of many woman like you (me included). Unless you put your foot down and make him take repsonbility for his mess, he will just repeat his mistakes once the debt is cleared off.

You are doing all the legwork here and it doesnt seem right to me!

Anyway, you're a braver/more sane woman than I am. As soon as my hubby told me that "he doesnt want to tell me where he spent the money", I would have realised that the marriage is coming to an end.

ladybez

Its not easy to walk out on 33 years of being together. However last night, after an almighty row (about something else) he ended up by saying "do you want me to go?" The kids all said yes and when we came back from Brownies he was out. Will see how this pans out in the next few days.