Another OH with debts

BettyDebt

Shew! Just read from start to finish. Amazing advice on here and hats off to you for being such a strong and loyal wife. I believe that a spouse should stand by each other. We all make mistakes. This only works when one admits mistakes and does their best to get themselves out of it and with the support of a spouse it's that much easier! His actions are selfish. He has buried his head in the sand and treating you like the nag. His bad habits are so stuck now its going to be hard replacing them and impossible if he doesnt acknolwedge the problem.

I think he needs a sharp swift wake up call. You kicking him out and getting him to sign the house over to you might be the way. Can you talk to his parents and the 4 of you get together to discuss the impact it is making on the family and the insecurity of it all.

Good luck.

mallard

Hi Feel for you as well. Similar(ish) situation........OH racked up about 80k of debts whilst mentally ill on my cards and hid all the letters etc whilst i was at work so had no idea until i found one! Have since then seperated and house is being sold but she is still hiding letters and denying debt!

Mallard

ladybez

Not up to full post at presnet. Just to say Citi have refused to issue him with a new card. Current one runs out of date on 30/4

Dinah93

Maybe its for the best, it might force him to realise how serious his situation is.

ladybez

once again thank you all for being there. Have just felt very down for a week or so. OH's parents are in their eighties and not in the best of health, although his mum does think there is something wrong with him (she thinks it is physical) so it would be worth a try as far as other rels go he has a brother, whom he doesnt speak to and a younger sisterwho would probably be a good ally but lives abroad. My parents are no longer alive and only have 1 brother, who is probably as bad with money as OH, although a lot of his outgoings are as a result of 2 failed marriages!! Hopefully Citi's letter will help to wake him up, watch this space!!

wantabetterlife

Hi Ladybez, i hope your low mood passes soon, although im sure its hard to pick yourself up in the circumstances. Sometimes i think you have to pull out all the support from people like your oh to make them realise what they are doing. If you keep on tackling the debt on your own you are telling him that what he is doing is ok and he will keep on doing it. I have been in a similar situation before and have now realised that sometimes you have to let people paddle their own canoe and show some "tough love". I heard a saying once " keep doing what your doing and you will keep getting what youve got". I really wish you all the best and i know its not that easy when you have children.

WABL

hardworking_bob

Hi Ladybez,

Just read through the thread. Really sorry that you have to put up with this childish behaviour.

The scary aspect is that there doesn't seem to be any improvement in his attitude or recognition of his problem. Personally, I do not know how you've not gone mental at him....maybe that is what needed to get him to become a man about his problem?

ladybez

feel rather childish have hidden his new credit card from Capital One, that will stop him spending on it!!

RAS

Hi

Better idea, cut it into small pieces and dispose of little bits all over town. It never arrived , of course.

Otherwise he will find it.

Cap 1, whne did he take that out?

ladybez

Oh yes I forgot we were having problems with the post!! Oddly enough this is his usual excuse for not paying on time!! Cap 1 was taken out early in 2007 I think. Will try and find out