Another OH with debts

Iron_Pyrite

I bet you cave in and continue to allow/forgive his selfish behaviour.

I hope you stay strong.

Paulgonnabedebtfree

ladybez wrote: »

Yipee ppi has paid out on several of his cards and one loan, so that accounts are . with one exception, below limit. Guess what he went out and did? Bought 3 new jumpers, two fleeces, a jacket and another torch. I don't think he's ever going to wake up to what he is doing. Its now totally up to him to sort his mess out. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. (sorry for shouting!!)

Sounds like an ex girlfriend of mine. She viewed a credit limit as a target to aim for.
When I tried to have an open discussion with her with cards on the table (quite literally), I showed her how much I owed to the credit card companies (mainly thanks to subsidising her and repaying some of her debts - mug!!). She then told me that I had x thousands of pounds. I didn't understand at first until she pointed to how much I owed a company and how much my credit limit was. Sure thing, I was several thousand pounds inside my limit. No matter how much I tried to explain it to her, she was adamant that I "had" several thouand pounds. Some people just don't get it. After contemplating suicide for a while and going to the edge of a mental breakdown, I waited for her to go to work one day and stuffed every one of my possessions (except a cement mixer that wouldn't fit) into my transport. I didn't even have anywhere to sleep though I had an idea that my sister would put me up as a stopgap (which she did). If she hadn't done that, I would have been temporarily homeless as my flat was under a rental contract.
People suggested for a long time that I should end the relationship. I wouldn't do that to someone else though because I know it only ends when someone has finally had enough. What I do know is that I had the choice to end it before it got that bad. Not so easy to do when children are involved I know.
Your OH sounds like a right pee taker to me.

Merry_Gentry

I was in a similar situation to you. Suffice it to say, we both went bankrupt in June 2008 (the joint debts fell to me once he went bankrupt, which pushed me over). We are no longer together, I lost my home, and have had to start completely from scratch. He could never tell me what the money went on, and there were no obvious signs around to explain it so that question will probably never be answered.

You need to look after you and your kids. He needs to take ownership of his debts, and have his own lightbulb moment. I wish you well.

LydiaJ

ladybez wrote: »

Yipee ppi has paid out on several of his cards and one loan, so that accounts are . with one exception, below limit. Guess what he went out and did? Bought 3 new jumpers, two fleeces, a jacket and another torch. I don't think he's ever going to wake up to what he is doing. Its now totally up to him to sort his mess out. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. (sorry for shouting!!)

Good news about the PPI. :j

Well done for being clear in your own mind that his debts are up to him to sort out. :T

What have you said/done to put that across to him, and what have you done so far to protect yourself, your kids and your house from the consequences of his actions?

We're all behind you. Keep being strong.

Lydia

ladybez

Many thanks all. Lydia, I have told him several times now that whilst I am prepared to offer suggestions as to how to clear his debt I am not prepared to pay it or pay towards it for him. The children are having some money paid into an account for them each month so that can't be touched if everything goes pear shaped. Financially apart from the mortgage, our only link is a joint account which now only has about £5.00 in it!! I do need to get legal advice about the house, which I will do now I havea better idea about the extent of his debt.

RAS

Hi

It may be an idea to set up your own personal account and close the joint one, as this means the wrecking of his credit rating has less affect on you.

It also means that you are no longer liable for any debts he builds up on the joint account. And that if he has any loans or credit cards from the same bank, they cannot take the monthly payments for his debts out of the joint account and render you liable for them.

Merry_Gentry

I agree with Raz, you need to set up an account that is separate from his and do it now before the joint one goes into overdraft. If it goes into overdraft, they won't allow you to remove your name until it's cleared, so while it's got some money in it, do it now!

ladybez

thanks for the advice. I have always had my own personal account I will however move the last £5.00 from the joint account (I have both of the cheque books and debit cards for this account at present. One thing I have been wondering about, most of OH credit cards and loans were taken out some time ago, is there any merit in finding out if they are actually enforceable? Have looked around the site but couldn't find anything relating to accounts which are being paid. Once again thanks for all your help.

ladybez

Sorry, found what I was looking for, ignore last 2 sentences

Jenna

Ladybez - if he'd had his LBM then absolutely there's merit in it - since he hasn't, he may well take it as a sign that now his debt's reduced (e.g. pressure of the debt reduced) he can just spend more.

Would agree with the posters above. When you seek legal advice re house ask them about whether it's possible for you and him to sign a document agreeing the division of the funds if the house were ever to be sold. For example it could say 50% of capital to you FIRST before anything else is taken into consideration. I am not sure if this is possible in your situation but it's worth finding out.

I would also STRONGLY suggest opening a new bank account in your sole name and paying a regular amount into it each month in savings. Don't tell him you have the account if possible. If he does notice and question it, tell him you're just saving the amount he's using on min. payments each month; if he can take that money out of the relationship selfishly then so can you.

If things work out and he has his LBM, great, you have the kid's college fund (or whatever you decide to use it on). If not then at least you have a cash safety net to fall back on (and you may need it if he really messes up your credit rating so that you can't get any more).

It's not the fact he owes money that worries me, it's that he's not acting like an adult about it; owning up properly e.g. disclosing full debt amounts etc, explaining/apologising, taking responsibility, taking action... he hasn't done even one of those things so far that I can see. I can't remember how you initially found out about the debt, did he tell you or did you find out? What prompted this (on either side)?

Take care xx