Lose Weight 25

sarymclary

BB - thank you for the kind words, and well remembered about our Valentine's blip! Part of the niggles we had have been about me not living with OH, and the daily issues that creates, even on a practical level. I've clung on to my independence, but because of past experience, not to do with him. I think I have been putting myself under too much pressure to do too many things; move house, get a job, sort out childcare, improve my finances, lose weight, get fitter, etc. Same old things we all have to juggle, but it's been complicated by other bits of 'life' that get in the way with the children especially, but I wouldn't swap things with anyone, and I'm grateful for what I have. I think my weight loss, and my negative thinking about my weight definitely have a bearing on my mood, so tackling it will help me be more positive about life in general I think.:D

Marion - a STS is better than a gain! Well done.:j

Buttons - I think you're feelings are very valid, and when the waters have calmed, perhaps try to broach the subject of how it makes you feel when you are expected to do everything? Rather than just focussing on the anger it makes you feel, so, for example, for me it would make me feel taken for granted, not valued, etc. If he can be encouraged to see it from your perspective, you may get further with things improving (like him picking things up), and even if he doesn't do a heck of a lot more, appreciating what you do would be a bonus. Have a ((hug)) anyway, but don't turn to the biscuit tin for comfort - it's the devil in disguise!!

Well, I suspect my OH may not want pics of himself on a public forum :eek: , but..... oh what the heck! If you don't tell, I won't!!

Think of it as a morale booster, or practical moneysaving 'rebuild your own shed' feature (we saved £500 doing it ourselves BTW)!

sarymclary

Victory - are we related? Your sister sounds eerily like me, apart from the 20y/o son bit (the eldest is 17). I do all of that, and it really does work. I live in a house with men remember, and they definitely tick differently to women.

Buttonmoons

Thanks for the advice Sary & Victory. Thing is, he uses his job as his excuse for being lazy/tired. "Oh I've been working blah blah, you get to stay at home all day" - Yes because that's completely stress free!
The way his mind works is - I'm at home all day - So I should do everything - as he is making the money.
Fair enough, I don't MIND doing that, but at the weekends he thinks it's his "time off" so that means he doesn't have to lift a finger. I don't get "time off"

It's not like I ever ask him to do much, put his dirty clothes in the washing basket and SCRAPE the food off his plate into the bin and THEN put it into the sink. TWO YEARS I've been asking him to do that, and yes I probably do nag now because I'm so sick of it.
I asked him to do the dishes at the weekend, I didn't say NOW, I said can you do those dishes before bed, he said okay, well he sat and played games till silly o clock and then he said OH WELL YOU SHOULD OF REMINDED ME I'M TOO TIRED NOW!

I feel like giving him a good slap and telling him to grow up.

Not to be all shrink like, but I think he's that way because of his mum, she is asian and does EVERYTHING, I mean I sit there like :eek: when I'm at their house, the way she runs after her husband would make most women feel like they were back in the 1930's. The man is incapable of doing anything, and she did the same for OH when he lived there, he never lifted a finger, and also their house is sooooo dirty, I like a clean house where as OH wouldn't notice if I left big piles of garbage everywhere. I'm not OCD about it, I just like the table to be clear, the dishes to be done and the carpet to be crumb free.

The PS3 is a big problem in our reletionship, I moved out when DD was about 7months old, as that's all he did, was play on that, I've always felt 2nd best too it, which seems ridiculous as it's a console, but he really is like a dirty smelly teenager who would stay cooped up in their bedroom playing games! He is "Trying" to change, but he has replaced one habit (Games) with getting fit (running) so now his time is split between the two, and I feel like a mug, left at home with the chuffin' duster in my hand.

It's his "hobbies" apparently and told me I should get some - Orly? When would I find the time to fit a hobby in, I'm watching our daughter all day and keeping the house running, he comes home and then does what HE wants. Can't take up a class or something, if I have our daughter can I?

Don't get me wrong, he's perfect in every other way, except he is completely selfish about HIS needs and wants.

Anyways enough ranting - I'll just pinch his bank card and buy myself lots of new clothes and shoes. He actually doesn't care if I spend money, he regularly throws a few hundred at me and tells me I can buy what I want, which is great and all but he doesn't take me anywhere I can wear it :rotfl:

sarymclary

Buttons - I think you're possibly right about his upbringing, as it's clear that his relationship training has taught him the man works and earns money, the woman keeps house. This is a very traditional set up, and in days gone by the woman was just grateful for that, and didn't have any other expectations. It was also a lot harder to keep a house clean & running then too. It does sound as though your OH is rather immature in his beliefs, but that wouldn't be unusual for a man in his mid-20's to be honest. I grew up a lot faster than my DH when we had our 1st baby. Initially I embraced being a housewife, and was quite content, but I soon realised I'd taken on everything, including the housework, DIY & gardening. He constantly told me how hard he worked, how early he had to get up, how much stress he was under, etc. That just made me feel more guilty for not working, and *only* being a housewife & mum. The thing was, that despite my best efforts, he then took to criticising how I did that job! So, it could be worse; he could come home and tell you that you don't clean well enough - or do what mine did and call me 45 mins before he got home to ask if the house was tidy! Earning money, and throwing money at a problem will not solve it. If this is a major issue, and it sounds like it is, then you need to make your OH realise it is such, even suggesting relationship counselling, which may be the best cash he'll have ever spent in the long run!

Good luck, and at least you can vent on here!

nmm

Hi guys, you've been busy i will catch up soon just reporting a 1lb loss :j plus half a inch loss from my waist, belly and thighs and a whopping 1" loss from my hips, yippee. Oh my BMI is now 21.9. Be back later, have a good day all

victory

nmm:j :j :j :j

sary:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: no we are not but my sis just got sick and tired of going over the same thing and getting nowhere she came up with a plan and she always carries out her threats so the lad knows not to mess with her, I am surrounded by 2 DS and OH,buttons my sis used to live with her OH and son both male obviously, she was fiercely old school because she had no job so she devoted every second of every day to them, their needs, their wants, their life until she left him for her own sanity, he was not grateful, she said she was doing him and her son an injustice because now her OH cannot so much as cook for himself and her DS was growing up to think that he had nothing to do and that a woman would do it all:rolleyes: now her line of thinking has changed, DS is very capable, polite, caring, appreciative, a lovely lad, she feels less stressed, put upon (although she freely admits she puts herself in that situation and is now a great believer you only get treated as how you 'let' other treat you, that you can't change them but you can change the way you react to the situation and how it gets handled your end:D

I grew up in Spain and the boys there do nothing, the mums were put on this earth to serve and once when my OH tried to help lay the table my life long friends mum gave me a lecture I still can hear today about how could I? He works, he puts food on your table how could you let him help?:rotfl: :rotfl: We are here to cater for their every need in appreciation:rotfl: :rotfl:

If you want a life time lesson one or two things buy a washing basket (I am lucky my kids and OH bring it straight down and put it in the washing machine they have been taught that way) what is in there wash what is not explain you could not find it, didn't know if it had to be washed as it was strewn about so did not do it. The dishes...'before you get on your console could you please wash up for me? Thank you so much much appreciated blah blah:rolleyes:

My OH is a biker and mad keen on weekends away,wednesday meetings, the shows etc but he had to be told if he wants to keep his family he cannot go away each weekend apart from the cost and leaving the kids to me(like an unpaid nanny) it was not fair, choose the best ones to go to and cut the rest out or go once a month, loads of options I gave him and now we live alongside his bike weekends away not with it taking over our lives.

I have no job for a while so I do the lion's share but if I want them to do it I ask and they do, I have made up rotas before, each person has a job, gold stars for good behaviour(not for an adult:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: ) treats out for the best helper(not for adults:rotfl: )

Hobbies? Surprise him take one up that takes your time away from him he will be shocked, he expects you to be there, to care for him, to put up and shut up, arrange with a friend, neighbour, family to take care of your daughter, google a yoga class, painting, running anything and organize it all, let him come home, say hello and goodbye his face will be priceless:D

vixarooni

No, matt cant really do anything, its on private land, there is no legislation for clamping companies so your left paying it out. I am going to ruin the reputation where i live hopefully. Im going to email the papers now about it, see if they wanna story it.

Todays menu:

Breaky: toast with anchor
Snack: handfull of buttons
Lunch: 4 crackers
Dinner: curry!! yay.

No fruit or veg ha.

im very happy today, mum said it was the best mothers day she has ever had. I feel good, and it makes the 345 quid seem not to bad.

Nice pic scary

tagz

Hi all

I think I may have managed to lose a bit this week (despite bad back and Mother's Day) but I'll leave it till Wed to say for certain. I'd love to lose a few more pounds before we go to Malta for Easter but I won't beat myself up if I don't. At least we will be in our flat so I will be able to cook my style, and diet shouldn't go completely out of the window. Had a lovely Mother's Day. Kids cooked me breakfast in bed (ok the bacon was VERY crunchy but they did try to cook it all with no fat), they bought me cds flowers and a ds lite with a game, and then OH had booked a table at Chiquito's for our family plus my mum and dad. Mum was very touched and by the end of the meal a bit tiddled too! I was very good and only had half a glass of wine but then blew it on a Waffle Caramel Crunch dessert. Felt suitably gulity and skipped dinner.

Sary Ding Dong! I say young man!

Button I too think you are right about your OH's mum. My OH was a bit like yours and his mum still gives me nasty looks when HE makes ME a coffee. I would not have been her choice for her son and she thinks I look down on them (NOT true but that's what she thinks!). But she too waits on him hand and foot when we visit but then won't let me help her. I gave in in the end and let her get on with it, but at home OH has to do his bit. I once went on a 9 to 5 regime and let everything pile up if I couldn't get it done within that time. I explained that whilst he got evenings/weekends and holidays off I never had any time off. He has changed and now helps without my asking but we too had some humdingers of rows about it.

Dragon Thinking about you. Take care of yourself.

Linz Eek! That would put me off cycling for good! Well done for getting straight back on again.

Glad you had a good day and a good night's sleep Vic . BB hope you have one tonight!

Vix £345!!!!!! They are nothing but thieves!

beanielou

Wow, you are a very chatty lot.
Im glad to say Im much more foccussed again & have been drinking amazing amounts of water.Must have used up some calories going to the toilet so much:rotfl:

dmv_2

Hi all. Well food wise today has been a complete **** up! I had nothing but water all day and then had fish and chips for dinner! I didnt eat a great deal though (dog thought it was her lucky day!) and what i did eat was free of skin and batter, so just white fish fillet and some chips and peas. Feel all horrible and bloated now though and wish I hadnt had it, OH however feels like a fat budda and is happy about it because thats "good fish and chips!"