We are in serious trouble.......

TTMCMschine

If it was my wife she'd be buried in the back garden by now, next to her mother.

elaina79

Its clear that she needs help. You mentioned before that she has a mental illness. MIND are a good organisation and can offer you both lots of help and support.
http://www.mind.org.uk/

No-one says it will be easy, and as someone who has been in a similar situation I can tell you that it isn't. However she is very lucky to have someone like you to support her.
The comments from some people on here really horrify me.

seraphina

You are a good man for sticking with your wife, and I hope you arrive at some kind of satisfactory conclusion.

FWIW, I don't think therapy/counselling are the answer to everything. In some situations like this, some people need and deserve a slap round the face with reality and a sharp instruction to grow up and take responsibility for themselves. Whether or not couselling etc can help with that is something people need to determine for themselves.

pinkshoes

burkey38 wrote: »

I happen to think I'm a damn fine husband since you ask and this is the SECOND TIME she has done this.

Alright, clearly she has mental health problems in relation to having access to cash but I'm just angry that this has happened again.

If this is the SECOND time she's done something like this, then it sounds like you've been more than patient with her, and she has well and truely betrayed you.

Perhaps you should think about selling up and moving away with your kids, and renting somewhere? How much equity (if any) do you have in your home? How much are similar houses selling at in your area (look on rightmove.co.uk for houses for sale, and houseprices.co.uk for sold prices)?

Personally I would give your wife an ultimatum - she needs to come clean and account for every penny she has spent, along with handing over ALL credit cards and cash cards. From now onwards, she should have NO access to any money whatsoever.

swerveysgirl

Hi,
We've been in a similar position, although it was my dad and the sum of money was £150K over 5 years. We had no idea where the money went either but it seems that his income went to pay off huge credit card debt (that we also knew nothing about) that had built up over the years and the money stolen was used to live on. My mum stood by him, signed over her share of their house and paid back his employer in full and they in turn agreed not to involve the police. The only advice I can give is to get your house and bill paying sorted first. Unfortunately it might involve downsizing or selling up and renting? We lost our family home but fortunately I was in a position to buy a house for us to live in. The other problems concerning your wife and her mental health will take much longer to sort out - we are five years down the line and unfortunately my dad still does not acknowledge that he has a problem and will not seek help for his mental health issues and it has been impossible to maintain any sort of relationship with him. You don't have to make any decision yet whether or not to stay with her - time will tell over the next few years and you never know - it's something you can get past. We couldn't get past it and our family has split up but if your wife is willing to get help then I think it's possible to stay together.

Torby

"good man for sticking with your wife".....I think I'd

1) want to know where the money went
2) ask was she stealing it for herself or another
3) is there another man involved
4) she's done it before but still took a job with access to loads of cash and she still took the job
5) think of the children
6) think of myself

if I can easily/happily find satisfactory answers to the above questions...stick with her (again) and try to sort it.....if not....walk now and save the children and any chance they have of a stable life....


"Its clear that she needs help. You mentioned before that she has a mental illness"...I would imagine she had help the first time, if shes got into a job where an opportunity to take money like that existed, someone has possibly told a few porkies to get it and as another poster has said....shame on you...etc...

QTPie

My goodness, no wonder the UK is going to the dogs...

... if many of you would consider ditching your own wife (assuming it is otherwise a good non-abusive relationship and she is a good mother) - when she obviously needs the help MOST - it isn't surprised that we live in such an uncaring, selfish society... :rolleyes:

Human beings are flawed and most of us need help at some point (and often more than once) in our lives. Whether it is physical or mental illness, financially down on our luck, depression etc. At times like that we need our family, relatives and friends for support. Marriage is not JUST about the good times, it is about support in the bad times too.

The OP's wife needs support and professional help. She did something like this a second time because she didn't get the right help the first time (it is obviously more of a serious problem than first expected).

Really good luck to the OP on this.

QT

salduck

Ok lets maybe leave the poster alone its his wife who comitte the crime he is asking for advice not judgement!
You really need to sit down and talk if she cannot be honest with you then there are serious issues.
Best of luck and hope it works out for you one way or the other
X

Loughtonlad

This is really an awful situation. Hope you first get this legal thing sorted and than perhaps look for counseling and than finances.

The_Fat_el_Hombre

Ditch the wife or she will continue to make a mockery of you