Leaving home at 17

Savvy_Sue

Probably my final word about what the school and college will tell you: again, it may not count for much if they've had superb results for the last 3 years, additional questions to ask the college are a) how many students have taken the subjects I want to take? b) how many of those have got what grades? c) were these roughly in line with predictions? d) have you still got the same staff?

Because we know that in some subjects - particularly sciences, which presumably you're doing - there is a serious shortage of specialised teachers. Schools and colleges 'get by' with short term contracts, supply staff, and staff teaching outside their specialty. If your current sixth form has a reasonably stable 6th form staff it would, for me, be a strong argument to stay put. Colleges often only offer short term contracts. It is a completely different world. You could even find that you got there, started your subjects, and then when the AS results come out half your class dropped out of the A2 and they would stop running that subject because it would no longer be 'viable'. The same could happen at your 6th form, but is less likely.

An example of a stable 6th form staff is our sons' school, where the same Physics teacher has had all 3 boys, over a period of 7 years, and so have some of the Maths teachers. Interestingly (although completely off topic!) he hadn't realised that DS3 was their brother, thought he just shared their (uncommon) surname!

LillyJ

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

She's 16, you're 17. How long have you been together? How can you be sure either of you won't change your feelings in a few weeks/months? 16 year old girls are notoriously fickle in their affections. You are both far too young to be mapping out a future together.

My fiance and I met age 16, and at 24 we have been living together for 3 and a half years, bought a house last year, and got engaged last weekend!
I went off to uni for 6 years (like the OP will be), and OH didn't. He didn't move up here until my 4th year.

Everyone told us it wouldn't work, but we proved them wrong and are happier than ever.

Incidentally I was also 17 when I left home to go to uni (I did A levels a year early). I found it absolutely fine, no problems whatsoever with living alone. (I lived with housemates). I didn't end up with no clean underwear or anything, I just got on with it. People underestimate 17 year olds, it's not that young.

Bogof_Babe

So LillyJ you have been living with your OH since you were 20. Now that sounds a great deal more sensible.

Personally I don't see the appeal of living together at such a young age as the OP. I can perhaps understand the "playing house" attraction (although that can wear off pdq as soon as chores and/or money worries come into the picture), but given that he is meant to be sleeping in a separate room from his g/f, and will have the beady eyes of her parents on him (a lot!), why on earth does he want to compromise his freedom at this tender age?

LillyJ

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So LillyJ you have been living with your OH since you were 20. Now that sounds a great deal more sensible.

Personally I don't see the appeal of living together at such a young age as the OP. I can perhaps understand the "playing house" attraction (although that can wear off pdq as soon as chores and/or money worries come into the picture), but given that he is meant to be sleeping in a separate room from his g/f, and will have the beady eyes of her parents on him (a lot!), why on earth does he want to compromise his freedom at this tender age?

I imagine it's not so much the living together as the being in the same town/city.
I lived 3 and a half hours away from my OH once I went away to uni and it was pretty horrible I must say. I missed him a lot. Saying that it's taught us to be very independent and not rely on each other. I went to Africa for 3 months last year without him and although I missed him, we managed it. (He couldn't come because of work).

I do agree that 20 is probably more sensible, and actually even when he moved up here we lived separately for 6 months.

NoAngel

I know there have already been loads of fantastic replies, but I thought I would contribute anyway.

I'm 22 now and have been with my bf for 7 years now(!) I did A-Levels and went to uni, and he's worked since he was 16. When applying for uni I felt a bit pressuried to stay close to home so that we could still see each other as he basically said a long distance thing wouldn't work. So we moved into a rented place for my first year of uni and now have or own house close to the uni and his work. However, sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I'd been like everyone else and made a new start at uni. I was always the person that didn't go out etc.

Although things have worked out, sometimes I think we were too young for everything. Looking back at my own experiences, I would recommend that you stay at home with your Mum for the next year whilst you finish your A-Levels. You've done it for 18months already, so surely another year can't hurt? By then you'll know where you're going for uni. Hopefully your gf will then move with you and you can start living together as a proper couple on your own. You'll probably enjoy it more as you'll have waited longer and worked harder for it. It would be such a shame to fall out with your parents for the sake of one more year.

If it's true love it will honestly last despite the distance. Imagine how much more exciting it will be moving in together properly in a new city when you start your course.

I hope this helps.

LillyJ

NoAngel wrote: »

I know there have already been loads of fantastic replies, but I thought I would contribute anyway.

I'm 22 now and have been with my bf for 7 years now(!) I did A-Levels and went to uni, and he's worked since he was 16. When applying for uni I felt a bit pressuried to stay close to home so that we could still see each other as he basically said a long distance thing wouldn't work. So we moved into a rented place for my first year of uni and now have or own house close to the uni and his work. However, sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I'd been like everyone else and made a new start at uni. I was always the person that didn't go out etc.

Although things have worked out, sometimes I think we were too young for everything. Looking back at my own experiences, I would recommend that you stay at home with your Mum for the next year whilst you finish your A-Levels. You've done it for 18months already, so surely another year can't hurt? By then you'll know where you're going for uni. Hopefully your gf will then move with you and you can start living together as a proper couple on your own. You'll probably enjoy it more as you'll have waited longer and worked harder for it. It would be such a shame to fall out with your parents for the sake of one more year.

If it's true love it will honestly last despite the distance. Imagine how much more exciting it will be moving in together properly in a new city when you start your course.

I hope this helps.

I made a new start at uni and went out (lots!). I made lots and lots of friends who are still my current circle of friends. I settled down a bit for my 5th and 6th year, but so did everyone else.
I had an amazing time. But I lived far away from my OH for the first few years, and then separately in rented accomodation. Although I don't think it would have mattered if we lived together - for the past 3 and a half years while living together we have still had very active (and often separate) social lives.
IMO the only thing I missed out on at uni was STIs and a repuation.;)

rev_henry

Well thanks again people. My mother has now taken to communicating with me about this by email (and through this thread!), whilst IRL we hardly talk about it. Show's what kind of people we are! Interesting what you say, Sue, about teaching at the two places. That hadn't crossed my mind. At my school, teachers stay for years and years and a class being cancelled due to undersubscription is unheard of. I think teachers are dying to teach at my school tbh, as the kids behave, are intelligent, and want to learn. I'm going off the idea of this college day by day now, because, on a little further research I have found a couple of grammar schools in the area (luckily Lincs still has the 11 plus, (and DON'T start getting into an argument about selection etc PLEASE people!), one of which in particular seems very similar to my school, in terms of tradition and A-level results etc. This place also runs latin GCSE classes via distance learning or something, so they may even be able to arrange for me to continue my latin A-level. So I'm going to have a look into that now. Think we'd all agree now that that sounds a much better proposition. My mum has also suggested I finish my A-levels here, meanwhile go to gfs more at weekends etc, then defer uni for a year and go live with my gf and get a job working with animals over there, meanwhile she will finish her college course and we'll both be at good times to decide where to go from there. That also seems a good idea to me. These last couple of days so many different ideas have been thrown at me its almost harder now to decide what to do!
Also one thing I'll say, my gf is in the SAME school year as me, but she's still doing her GCSEs (don't ask me how that works, she's not actually doing GCSEs but equivalent things, in which its common for everyone to finish at different times). So she's not as much younger than me as some of you seem to think. She doesn't want to go to university as she's had her heart set for a good few years on doing this college course, then getting a specific job with special needs kids. So its not that she's undecided, on the contrary

Erm thats about it for now

Oh yes, another thing about housekeeping and all that. I am quite willing to help around the house and stuff, I actually like cleaning on the odd occasions when I've done it, and have an obsession with stacking the dishwasher. I'm a strange child I know. So if I moved there I would pull my weight quite readily when asked and shown what to do. Its just I've never had to, so I never have done.

oystercatcher

Hope it all works out for you Henry. That sounds a pretty good plan to me.

Oystercatcher

Savvy_Sue

I was beginning to think maybe your mum had cut the plug off the computer or something. :rotfl:

rev_henry wrote: »

My mother has now taken to communicating with me about this by email (and through this thread!), whilst IRL we hardly talk about it. Show's what kind of people we are!

Don't knock communication by email! Sometimes it is easier to write things down than try to say them. You also can't be interrupted! And you can think before you reply. Your immediate response may not be the best. Like I said earlier, I'd have wanted to lock you in your room ...

Of course it has its disadvantages too. You can't so easily deny what you've written, I regularly tell my 16 yo "I never said that!" but he definitely heard me say it. I know I wouldn't have put it in writing ... Also you can be misunderstood, perhaps more easily in writing than face to face, because tone of voice is important.

rev_henry wrote: »

My mum has also suggested I finish my A-levels here, meanwhile go to gfs more at weekends etc, then defer uni for a year and go live with my gf and get a job working with animals over there, meanwhile she will finish her college course and we'll both be at good times to decide where to go from there. That also seems a good idea to me. These last couple of days so many different ideas have been thrown at me its almost harder now to decide what to do!

I do think that suggestion of your mum's is a good one, and not just because as a mum I'm on her side. And if making decisions is hard, there is sometimes merit in not making one, ie keeping things as they are for now, or until they HAVE to be made. And the next year and a bit really isn't such a long time, even though it seems to be dragging now: only yesterday I had 3 sons at home, and now one's in his final year at Uni, one's in his first year, and DS3 leaves school - no, it CAN'T be next year! :eek:

rev_henry wrote: »

Also one thing I'll say, my gf is in the SAME school year as me, but she's still doing her GCSEs (don't ask me how that works, she's not actually doing GCSEs but equivalent things, in which its common for everyone to finish at different times). So she's not as much younger than me as some of you seem to think. She doesn't want to go to university as she's had her heart set for a good few years on doing this college course, then getting a specific job with special needs kids. So its not that she's undecided, on the contrary

I'm only going to point out that over the years, there has been an increasing move towards professionalism and formal qualifications in all kinds of childcare / education. So whereas that college course may be all she needs now, in time she may find that it's no longer 'enough' and that she needs a degree level qualification to get the kinds of jobs she wants. Hopefully the college course she wants to do will be enough to get her onto a degree course if / when she wants.

rev_henry wrote: »

Oh yes, another thing about housekeeping and all that. I am quite willing to help around the house and stuff, I actually like cleaning on the odd occasions when I've done it, and have an obsession with stacking the dishwasher. I'm a strange child I know. So if I moved there I would pull my weight quite readily when asked and shown what to do. Its just I've never had to, so I never have done.

Can I just suggest that you stop waiting to be shown what to do, and start being pro-active? My boys have to start doing their own laundry in the 6th form, so that they not only learn HOW to use the washing machine, but WHEN, ie before they run out of clean pants. :eek:

It's also immensely frustrating when you have to ASK people to do what it's blindingly obvious needs to be done!

And, finally, of course it can be quite easy to enjoy cleaning / cooking / supermarket shopping on the 'odd occasion', but try doing it every single day for a month - not just cooking, say, but deciding WHAT to eat based on what's available. It's a lot less fun then ... Drives me nuts when, on the odd day I ask someone else to cook, I STILL have to tell them what to cook - as if they couldn't look in the freezer / fridge for themselves? Of course even if they DO look they can't see things I KNOW are in there, just as they could never see their PE kit in plain view on the clothes airer. I mean where ELSE am I going to put it after I've washed it? Do I have nothing better to do than hide my sons' clothes?

Sorry, maternal rant over.

NoAngel

Best of luck Henry, sounds like you're really thinking things through properly. I think the idea of finishing A-Levels at home and taking a year out working is really good- it's what I did. It made me more mature and gave me longer to think about things properly. Whatever you do, best of luck. Keep us informed