Leaving home at 17

Cup_Cake

I can certainly see why you would want to do this, and I don't blame you.

I am only 18 and I moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years, 6 months ago, I am the happiest i've ever been.
Don't get me wrong though it's hard work both keeping on top of the housework and working at your relationship whilst worrying about money on top of that.
It's one of those things that you either know you want it or your don't and you sound like you've made up your mind completely.

If it does affect your relationship then you will learn from it next time, but you won't know until you try.

Enjoy yourself and keep us updated!
Cup_Cake

Nikabella

rev_henry wrote: »

nikabella - no I didn't fall asleep, on the contrary! Of all the stories people have told me yours seems the one closest to mine. My parents, I think, think I spend far too much time on the phone to my gf, going to see her etc, and I don't think they really take it seriously. STILL after 18 months? I mean come on! Of course they would never kick me out or anything like that though. Would you mind if I asked if your move affected your studies and A level grades? This is really important tbh, I need straight As or A*s for vet school. Yes you can now get A* grades at A level; my year will be the first lot it will apply to, btw!

rev_henry - My AS/A level studies were affected but in an indirect way. Though my relationship wasn't great with my parents anyway, I was very damaged by being thrown out. It was at a time when on top of my studies I was trying to support my ex's mother who had a drink problem and my ex who was suffering with mental health problems, due to his father accruing them an insurmountable amount of debt - illegally.

The pressure of trying to support everyone else ,as well as myself, ended up making me very ill & though I still managed to complete my work I felt unable to cope far into the 2nd year. At AS I got A's & B's though I was predicted straight A's & by my A-level year I dropped out after Christmas though I sat my General Studies. I had chosen to take 5 subjects at A-level, however, our school only advocated taking 4 - it was a huge amount of work, I expect you will need to take 5 too.

After leaving 6th Form I got a job & got myself back together (& tried to get my ex back together) 2 years later we split. Finally, I went to University part-time 1 day per week whilst working. I never completed my A-levels as I somehow managed to get myself on a degree without one, I finished university this summer although I will go back again at some point. Being independent whilst studying is never going to be as easy as being at home, however, I managed to do my course whilst pregnant, on maternity leave & then finally working as well as having time at home with my DD. You can study & still have a strong, successful relationship.

Had I not have had to deal with some of the issues that made me ill, I truely believe I could have finished my A-Levels with the right grades & gone to study medicine full-time as I was supposed to. I could have made my relationship work, as when you really love someone that is what you do. If you make a go of this I would say it is very important for you to create strong lines of communication, as sometimes I think the partner who is not studying can feel a little neglected, even though they know how hard you have to work. I always tried to squeeze as much work in during 8-4 so that I had more time for my ex.

Above all good luck in whatever route you choose. The other posters are right, vet science is competitive but if you have the aptitude & commitment you can make it either way.

A.x

roguebrogue

I would echo what people have already said and make sure you don't fall out with your parents, as it is such a help to know they're there if things go wrong and they're behind you.

I had been going out with my b/f for 2 months and I was 18 when we decided to move in together, I just sat down and talked to my parents about it, and although they weren't 100% happy, they were supportive. And when it came to moving and living on my own, although things sometimes got a little tough money wise, it was a great help to know my parents were there and I still spoke to them all the time.

My and my b/f will have been together 3 years this march.

I don't regret it at all.
If you don't do things, or make mistakes, how are you ever meant to learn?
I would say go for it, as long as you can be sure you can always go back to your parents if you need to.

oystercatcher

I'm another one who is concerned that you are really going to mess up your education. I have three sons, the youngest in the same year as you, the middle one the year above.

Have you actually thought through the university application process? It's not an easy thing to do. My middle son has been required to go on numerous visits to universities at considerable expense. Who is going to pay for these? It's very important to choose the right Uni , it's very important to have a good back up in case the one you want won't have you.

Also as mentioned above it is very difficult to get into vetinary college, you will be expected to have considerable experience in an associated area, as well as top grade A levels. I know many students have to take a gap year working with animals to fulfil these requirements. I think you will have a lot of trouble fitting in voluntary animal work, work of some sort to pay your way and school work. To get top grades you will need to spend a huge amount of time studying unless you are some sort of Einstien !

My other thought is have you a contingency plan if you fall out with your girlfriend or her parents , you can't go back home as you will need to carry on at college .....

I'm concerned that you don't think you need to pay for utilities and food , are you aware how much it actually costs to feed and house a teenage boy ? They don't come cheap !

Also think of your Mum, I bet she's feeling really lonely after a recent divorce and she will miss you like mad. I'm dreading my boys leaving and I have a husband here. I know you're not there to support her but I bet she loves you like crazy even if it doesn't come across. She must have a lot on her mind.

It's your choice but think it through very carefully. A year isn't long to wait and it may well make the difference between you getting that much coveted place at Uni or not . What will you do if you don't get in ??

Also totally agree with afore mentioned contraception advice. I see so many couples of your age at work (I'm a midwife) all thinking it wouldn't happen to them . It can and does very often !!

Hugs to you, I know it's not easy

Oystercatcher

rev_henry

Thanks again everyone, I'm going to stop replying to everyone individually now if u don't mind cuz I'll be here all week! But really, thanks so much everyone. I've checked with the college I want to go to and the JCQ about how it works regarding changing between AS and A2, the subjects I'm doing do allow transfers between Boards so the college has said its fine in priciple, they'll just have to sort it out properly.

I know about vet college and that, currently am going to a vets for half term, and I go to another one afternoon a week atm. I've also volunteered before now at a small animal and a goat sanctuary, and I have the offer of a placement at a small zoo in summer. So as far as I can, I've covered most of that kinda thing.

Person who did 5 A-levels, I can't even imagine the amount of work involved with that! I'm doing 4 AS's atm, but this college don't do A-level latin (unbelieveable I know! How dare they?!) so I'll have to drop down to 3 full A's. So now you've mentioned that it makes me wonder if that's enough...

Wise thoughts about college if it falls through, it hadn't even crossed my mind.

Yes I do work on the train a bit, so satisfying when I get all of it done like that! But tbh the workload isn't that bad atm, not too much homework etc. I honestly don't understand it when people groan and say it was so stressful and so much work involved doing (or putting my son/daughter through) them. I get several afternoons off a week and free periods to do homework etc.

Yes I do get what you're saying about feeding a teenage boy. My gf was amazed how much I ate the first few times I stayed there, especially considering I'm a stick who normally does no proper exercise at all.

Interesting about council tax, nice to know the government is so supportive of couples trying to support and educate themselves simultaneously. And about student finance? Does that mean that if I do this, my grants and stuff will be based on GF's parents income?? That rather alarms me as you can imagine the difference between a mother and son in a flat and a large family in a fairly large house! Although a thought which just came to me is that I believe there is now some kind of guarantee of money for students on EMA who then go on to Uni, I'll have to check that out...

peace-babies, I'll check those things out. They're reasonable folk so I'm sure they won't have me working all hours etc. But defo need 2 talk about it. Maybe I could get our parents to meet up, although bearing in mind my Mum has only met her parents once, and my Dad briefly met hers for about 5 mins once, and that was it. Maybe just have to stick with the phone. Don't really want to involve my dad, he'll just get in the way and be disapproving, as usual. I'm not too fussed about him really, but I do need to tell him at some point.

Thankfully gf's Mum is 'in the loop' re contraception etc, without going into detail. Couple of my gf's friends/people she knows have fallen pregnant, through complete stupidity IMO, so it WON'T happen to us.

I have been on the phone, if not at her house, come to think of it, when someone in her house has 'gone off on one', I just tend to hide in a room away from it tbh! It doesn't happen very often, almost extra ordinarily infrequently even, so thats a blessing.

No chance of just going to Uni nearby, only 7 Vet colleges in the UK, none particularly nearby, chances are I'll only get into one furthest away as well! If at all, that is

Over on thestudentroom forums, someone has written a whole guide to changing between AS and A2, and a few people have actually commented that it impressed universities (if they then got good grades, obv) as it showed they could adapt to new situations etc. Which I thought was an interesting point.

Erm, thats my lot for now!
Thanks again.

Bogof_Babe

I don't understand how the matter of Council Tax arises if you are going to be lodging at her parents' house. They will surely not expect you to contribute even if you weren't a student, as there are (at least) two adults in occupation already, so why would the C/T liability change?

Just another thought - how do the other members of the household (apart from her parents) feel about you living there full time? It must be some sort of mansion if you are not going to get under the family's feet in some way.

peace-babies

I think the council tax will arise once he has started uni as he won't be able to stay at his gf's parents and as they want to move in together its worth knowing for the future. I think its to stop people moving into houses with a student in and getting away without paying it, yes its unfair but there not making you pay the whole lot and its all part of living together.

Regarding your student finance, as I remember it (this was 3 and a bit years ago under the old rules before the top up loans came in) you shouldn't be assessed on your girlfriends families income, but your mum and dads, although all that could have changed and more than likely will change in the future.

I can see what you mean about your dad although you may find he might come round a bit more if you involve him a bit more or ask him for advice. You don't have to take it but I have found it a useful tool when dealing with people who may not necasserely be on your side you never know he may even have a reason that you don't know about as to why he isn't too happy, or it could just be he is worried that seeing someone 4 hours away will screw up your AS and A levels and therefore future plans.

Don't forget as well some colleges start the A level process before the summer holidays in that strange gap after exams but before the holidays (ours was about 2 and a half weeks) but in that time I went on a biology field trip that was used as part of the coursework and started my psychology coursework and the experiments were to be done over the break so double check with the departments to see what they do and make sure anything you do coursework wise that you have a couple of back ups in case the college want one or they loose them when transfering anything over.

Nikabella

rev_henryI have just thought of some practical points. When I was living with my ex's parents then the Child Benefit Payments came to me, if I remember rightly, as I informed them that I was no longer at home.

When it came to assessing my income for things like EMA etc, I was classed as an independent student, as I was able to prove that I was no longer supported by my parents & I wan't going to be supported by my ex's parents. I'm not sure if that is how these things both still work.

I would have thought that you needed more than 3 A-levels for a good application to vet school, have you checked this? I chose to do 5 A levels as that was what some of the private/grammar schools in my area were doing & I knew I would have to compete with these kind of students to get on a medicine course. Is there anyway you can study Latin A-level elsewhere or on an evening if your college won't offer it. Some people in my 6th form did 3 A levels at our school & then sped to the next town by bus everyday to fit in their Law A-level lecture, as it wasn't offered by our school.

HTH

A.x

rev_henry

There's only 1 remaining sister who lives there now, who I get on well with, so don't fink that would be a problem. The family just seems bigger as relatives are often there, and another sister works at the shop so is there most days, but lives down the road!

My dad's kinda the religious traditionalist type, so I think his general feeling is that I shouldn't be having such relationships at this age, full stop. Although he has accepted it much more now.

Yes I have thought about the strange time that A2 starts; I was planning to move in between the start of that and the end of my AS exams.

Interesting what you say about 3 A-levels. I'm currently at a state grammar school which is well known for getting between 10 and 20 people into Oxbridge each year, plus several to medicine etc. The idea of 5 a levels I have never considered, but we do not HAVE to drop one at the end of AS like many schools, but if I was moving I would as I explained. I'll look into continuing Latin somewhere else. I may even be able to be sent stuff by the very aimiable classics department at my current school, and do it as kinda distance learning thing. I'll check that out. Talking of Uni, there's a meeting tomorrow at school about getting into oxbridge/medicine/vet science and other competitive courses so I might ask there, see what the teacher who's doing it has to say. I'm sure they'll have some good advice as they've been at it successfully as a school for years.

I have just returned from pizza hut with my mother, before which I told her my plans. I then had a VERY awkward convo with her about it at pizza hut. I wanted to run out the room lol. Anyway i reely cba telling you it all now so I shall tomorrow! Suffice to say that she was very much saddened at the thought, although it sounded like she would support me if I did decide to. Certainly she didn't say no don't be stupid or anything like that.

PS: She did also say not to mention anything to my dad at this point, as he would not be helpful! Wise words there, mother.

PPS: I'm doing general studies as well, which makes 5 !!!, I think I'd still be doing that at the college. I know it kinda isn't a proper A level, but it must count for something...

Mely

rev_henry wrote: »

Looking for some advice here. I'm 17, and my girlfriend of 18 months has asked me to live with her at their family home. She and I have talked about it to her parents who have thought through it and agreed to it. The main reason we want to is because we live on opposite sides of the country, 4+ hour train ride away, so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. This is obviously putting some stress on the relationship, and we've now got a bit fed up of it tbh, so this was our idea of doing something about it. I'm in the middle of my AS levels, and am wanting/thinking of moving after my AS exams, so my education isn't messed up. We've found a good 6th form college that I can go to over there, and I've spoken with the college and all seems ok in principle.

The thing is, I have not yet told my parents and need to very soon. I find my parents very difficult to talk to about these kind of things; my dad (who lives down the road) doesn't particularly care for my gf, and my mother (who I live with) has somehow unintentionally managed to instill a great sense of awkwardness about my gf and that kind of thing. I also have parents evening at school next week, so wanted to tell my Mum at least before then, so we can discuss it a little with my teachers next week.

My GF's parents are completely opposite to mine, the nicest and most supportive people I've ever met; they've said that its ok for me to move there as long as I tell my parents properly etc.

So basically I'm looking for some advice about how to talk to my mother about it. I'm guessing she will either dismiss it as utterly ridiculous and laugh it off, or I'm not quite sure if she were to take it seriously. I obviously don't want to upset her, but feel that this really is what I(we) want to do and want her to know that.

My dad I'm sure will try to tell me I can't or something like that, to which I will point out that at the age of 17 I can if I want, but I'd also like some advice on dealing with him.

Thanks in advance for your replies which I'm sure will be wonderfully helpful! :A

Firstly i have to say that you sound like a very decent, and grounded young man!
As for your situation, i think you should leave it as it is, and enjoy the time that you spend with your gf. Its quality time when you are together, and things change when you live with someone, and see them every day. Also you may find that your studies MAY suffer in that type of situation, due to the stresses that will occur. Make the most of living at home, you wont appreciate this time untill its gone!