Leaving home at 17

Savvy_Sue

rev_henry wrote: »

Don't need to pay for utilities etc, we won't be on our own. Bus fares I'll get funded by LEA, I get EMA for school stuff, but it will cover a lot more. Don't need a laptop, I'll use my gf's Clothes and shoes etc I'm not too sure on. I was hoping my parents would continue to pay for those kind of things. I know it sounds like wishful thinking and dreadfully cheeky, but knowing my mum she probably will. Thanks btw!

One question no-one's asked until now, and that's who will continue to claim Child Benefit for you? I'm not sure your mum is supposed to if you move out (in fact sure she's not), but equally not sure how easy it is for an unrelated person to start claiming it for you at the other side of the country.

Now, there may indeed be a perfectly good 6th form college near your g/f, but even if they do the subjects you want, bear in mind that they may be doing a completely different board, and may have covered a completely different syllabus to AS level. Expect your teachers to be discouraging about the wisdom of this course of action if you are an able student - and listen to them! It WILL take time to settle down in a new college, and it WILL be difficult to settle into a new peer group if you are joining the A2 rather than the AS year.

I'm not saying "Don't do this", but I know if I was your mum I'd be saying "18 months really isn't so long, by all means go over there every holiday but please stay here until you've finished your A2 exams." Actually, I have a 16 yo so I'd probably be screaming, shouting, and locking him in his bedroom, but I'm trying to be rational here.

Also, bear in mind that when you don't see someone every day, you do see the best of them, usually. Things can be different when you're both tired and ratty, she has PMT, her mum's menopausal, and her dad's creeping around avoiding the hormones. FWIW, all my sons' friends like me, and I think they are wonderful young men, but then they've never seen me "go off on one" because no-one's done what I asked, and they tend to do as I ask.

Finally, a note about pregnancy. There is no 100% foolproof method of contraception. So please, if you don't want a baby yet, either don't do it (I know!) or use two methods, every time, and make one of them a barrier method.

tiamaria

Only you can decide what's best to do, btw you sound much older than your years, but my comments are...

My son met his g/f when they were 17 & 16, they are still happily together 5 1/2 years later despite him going to Uni during this time.

my younest son is almost 17 & I really can't imagine him leaving home just yet. However, although I love him more than anything I would not stand in his way (unless he was going somewhere unsavoury) & he would know that he would always have a home with me if he needed one.

Having said that my 3 are all still @ home living but I do hope someday they will be independent, confident and sensible enough to live successful lives in their own home. When they can do that it will mean that that I have done a good job.

if you are living with g/f parents you still will be looked after in the same way your mum has been doing for you so you will not have all the worries of someone setting up their own home.

Break the news gently if you go, she may be vulnerable after being recently divorced, from a busy home she will now be living alone.

18 months isn't long( at your age it seems like it),if you love each other you will pull through. However if you decide to go ahead Keep your relationship good with your mum and regularly keep in touch and visit, don't cut all your ties, you never know when you will need her.

Rosie75

My concern is that this could potentially be very disruptive to your A-level studies. If you were just saying you want to go to University, then perhaps it wouldn't be a problem. However, you want to study veterninary science, which is by far the most competitive of all courses at university (even more so than medicine). Depending on where you want to go you will probably be up against people with 4 or 5 As at A level. You only get one shot at this.

I moved out of home - slightly older than you were - to live with a partner several years ago, and fell out with my parents in the process. Like you, I'm an only child, and my mother found my new relationship difficult to handle. I don't regret it, in that I'm still with the guy now and we're getting married. However, I found the situation (I suppose it was a bit like a break-up) with my parents very difficult to deal with, and was messed up by it emotionally for some time. I was at university at the time, and it certainly affected my studies.

adamphillips

I think you already know the answer...

ailuro2

True lova can last through anything.

I'd stay at home for the next year - after all you'll get weeks of holidays together - that will leave you free to study during the week.

You can also save up money from part-time work to fund Uni in a couple of years.

By showing both sets of parents you are being very sensible you will get a lot more help when you're ready to move on.... going now might stop them helping, just so they can prove to you how much you need them.

If you're a bit scared to tell your MUm, then it's probably because you know what her reaction will be.;)

Doom_and_Gloom

I moved out of my parents into a flat with my boyfriend one week before my 17th birthday. We had only known each other 16 weeks (shock horror for my parents when I told them believe me) by then and it was just before my A-Level exams (did them in one year did rather well). He was in Uni and I went to college the year after to get AS Levels (only got one as I got really ill, typically.He left Uni as he got stressed and flared up with eczema really bad due to all the work). We lived in that flat for nearly 2 years (before it fell apart lol) and have been at my parents since April last year. We’ve been together for just over 3 years and I will tell you we’ve had our ups and downs and even had separation periods. It is NOT easy. He’s 22 now and I’m 19 and it has only got more difficult. You do grow a fair bit from 17 to 19 and realise the person you are more so. It may bring you more together or could break you apart. I’m not trying to put you off but tell you the reality of it. It is down to you and you have to do what you feel is right.

The way I told my parents was literally saying the truth to them. Which was that I felt it was time for me to leave home and that if I didn’t soon I wouldn’t be easily able to later on in life as I would root down. I’m not glad being back here but I KNOW now that I can leave again easily and painlessly when I need or want to as I did so last time. Just be honest with them as that is always the best with this issue. They may not like the idea, trust me mine didn’t at first, but if they respect you they will come round.

I wouldn’t just assume that you will be able to cruse through at her parents paying your way by doing things round the shop. A part time job somewhere else if you can possibly get one as that might not be easy at this time.

I’m not going to say anything about your age when it comes to moving in together as it would be very hypocritical of me (not that I personally would) especially as you have obviously known each other longer than I had my partner at the time. I just hope the best and that you do what you feel is right as that’s the best thing you can do at the end of the day. We can tell you our experiences and can advise you but it’s your life to live. As I said all the best to you.

D&G

Oldernotwiser

Don't forget that when you go to university, your student finance will be based on your parents' income, wherever you've lived for this year. You need them behind you at this point, particularly for a long degree like Veterinary Science. You also need to find the time to do substantial part time work in this area to have any chance of being accepted. This could be hard to do if you're working in a greengrocers shop for your keep as the work experience will almost certainly be voluntary.

To be honest, I think you'll be jeopardizing your whole future career by doing this.

lynzpower

If the OP started to look for vaolutary work with animals that might also help- him get on his course, I agree its competitive, but with experience and good grades that will help.

I personally thnk 8 hours worth of travel to see each other would eat into study time.

rozzy_2

OP you seem to be very mature and know what you want to do and at the end of the day it is up to you what you do.

If it was me in your position. I would wait until you have finsihed your A2's as it is only another year. In the meantime you can spend all easter and summer and any other holidays with your girlfriend. Once you have finished your A levels you could go to a University near where she lives and live together on your terms and in your own private space. not feeling indebted to her parents and not tip toeing around.

Not only will you know her even better by then, if worst case scenario happened and you went your separate ways a) you still have somewhere to live (uni accomodation) and b) you will have made friends at uni and you can continue with your life with minimal disruption.

I think by moving there now in the middle of your A levels it really is all or bust. Yes it may work but what if it doesnt. how will that affect your A2's and ultimately how will that affect further studies and career choice.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It really is each to their own.

peace-babies

Hi OP
Nothing much more to say other than what others have really, you do sound a lot like a couple of people I knew at college one pair we were convinced they would get married stay together as they just clicked and had been together since year 10 the other pair had a baby but seemed to be drifting apart by the day. Once university started everything changed our loved up stay together forever mates realised they were two completly different people and broke up whilst the other ones realised that actually they did work really well together and are now engaged.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you can never guess what the future will bring and you are going to change in some way over the next couple of years esp, when you go to uni as you will suddenly meet loads of new people and the like and they may want you to go out with just them how will your Girlfriend feel about that?
So if this is honestly what you want and you have had a serious conversation with your girlfriends parents about what is expected of you not just working in their shop but washing, cleaning and all the other boring things then go for it. Oh I would check with them though how much they expect you to work in their shop, if they don't want you to pay rent you may find they want you to work lots of hours so they have more free time etc.

Regarding your mum I think you need to be honest with her and give her and your dad proper reasons and explain what you are going to do regarding college show them you have researched this. May also be an idea to have your girlfriends parents either meet up or speak to them about this so they aren't going to be worried about what their little boy is going to be doing.

R.e the council tax, if both of you are in full time education living together then no you won't pay council tax as you don't pay it if you're a student however when your girlfriend gets a job she will be responsible for 75% of the council tax.

But most importantly good luck and have fun!