Leaving home at 17

rev_henry

RedBern wrote: »

Lots of questions:
how old is your girlfriend?
17 in May
Are you planning to go to uni when you finish 6th form college?
Yes Vet Science
Is she planning on going on to further ed? Yes see my previous post, I think we wrote our messages at the same time
Where will you go - both to the same place?
Yes, she'll move in with me when she's finished her course, and get a job with her new qualifications whilst I go to my lectures :j

Also, are your girlfriend's parents going to be expecting some financial contribution from your parents? or from you?
Yes I'll probably work in their shop, which is fine by me, I already work in another shop on the weekends.
Are you going to be 'living together' at her parents' home, or are you going to be in the spare room? (sorry, got to be asked ... are your expectations the same as her parents?):o
Haha, no I'll be in a spare room, already crossed that bridge with her parents and we know the boundaries, without going into more detail than I'd like!

How about you going to stay over at your girlfriends at weekends for a time? That way, you can get on with your schoolwork during the week and then spend all weekend together.
Thats not a possibility as we live opposite sides of the country. Would be SOO much easier if we didn't!
Don't fall out with your parents over this - if things do go awry you may find you need them.
Thanks!

Thanks very much for all that. Answers next to the questions.

rev_henry

kazwookie wrote: »

Some how I don't think your mother / father will continue to pay, you are worried in your first post about how to tell them of your plans.

I am sure your gf's parents will want you to contribute to the gas / elect / water after all you are going to be using it.

I think you need to get a part time job to support yourself.

Like has been suggested I suggest a serious talk with gf's parents and sort out the money and rules long BEFORE you move in.

Like I say good luck, as I have a feeling real life is going to hit you hard.

I'll bear that in mind. When I said I won't need to worry about utilities, I mean I wouldn't pay for them directly myself as such, but I will work in the shop as my rent to cover such things.

Karrie, thanks for that also. I do understand what you mean.

littlemissmoney

rev_henry wrote: »

Don't need to pay for utilities etc, we won't be on our own.

?? Whether you are on your own or not you will still be using the utilities, so you shoud be contributing to them!! Who will pay for your food too?

Edit: Very few relationships survive one partner going off to uni. Just a thought

rev_henry

littlemissmoney wrote: »

?? Whether you are on your own or not you will still be using the utilities, so you shoud be contributing to them!! Who will pay for your food too?

Edit: Very few relationships servive one partner going off to uni. Just a thought

Like I said I'll work in the shop as rent to cover such things. Also my school lunches will be paid for by my EMA.

EDIT: Could you possibly expand on that? If we both moved in together and I was at Uni and she was working/at college, would that fall into that category or not?

littlemissmoney

rev_henry wrote: »

EDIT: Could you possibly expand on that? If we both moved in together and I was at Uni and she was working/at college, would that fall into that category or not?

In my opinion, going to uni completely changes you. You meet so many new people and have so many new experiences. I think you may well miss out on some of what uni has to offer if you live with your gf. Or you may end up resenting her and/or she may well be jealous of your new life. Or it may be fine. I'm just giving you something else to think about

skint-student-nurse

littlemissmoney wrote: »

?? Whether you are on your own or not you will still be using the utilities, so you shoud be contributing to them!! Who will pay for your food too?

Edit: Very few relationships survive one partner going off to uni. Just a thought

yep,relationships are VERY hard while at uni...i just want to be on my own. my mum moved abroad when i was 17,and was very quickly thrown into the real word. bills became a reality,not a fiction and you should consider getting a p/t job. i had to as i had to contribute to utilities when i moved in with friends,and i was also at college.

Bogof_Babe

She's 16, you're 17. How long have you been together? How can you be sure either of you won't change your feelings in a few weeks/months? 16 year old girls are notoriously fickle in their affections. You are both far too young to be mapping out a future together.

lynzpower

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

She's 16, you're 17. How long have you been together? How can you be sure either of you won't change your feelings in a few weeks/months? 16 year old girls are notoriously fickle in their affections. You are both far too young to be mapping out a future together.

So what if it does go wrong? Why do qwe all seem to avoid things that "might" happen for the fear? Whats the worse that can happen? He is still young and has the rest of his life to go at should this relationship end ( of course it might but then again it might not )

My advice is simply go for it! You only have one life, do not waste time! You might get ran over by a bus tomorrow and then what? You will learn lots, and that wil be your strength

If OP cannot get work in the shop ( i presume this has been discussed for his keep) then Im sure he can find work elsewhere. OP seems to be an ambitious young man who knows what he wants- and clearly has accepted that it COULD go wrong, but might not and he hopes not. After all any of us that are in relationships have made that leap from "it might go wrong" to "I dont care if it goes wrong I have to give it a shot!"

My family & freinds felt I migt have been a bit crazy when OH & I started talking about living together on our first date. We lived together in my flat after 8 weeks- engaged on week 9. We are still together nearly 4 years on, and are planning to be together forever. My family adore him, his adore me, and we have never been happier. Yes life throws up its challenge- but how you cope is the most important thing. OP certainly seems very open ( and wondering how to approach his mum who is awkward) and thats the most important thing- being clear on your feelings, what you want and being able to be supported.

I shudder to think what would I could have lost if Id taken the conservative advice I was given. I really would have missed out.

If you are in full time education then the family allowancew and any tax credits can be claimed by your girlfreinds parents. EMA is definately payable, although it MIGHT depend on the income of the parents-0 worth having aq look on the websites to see entitlement!

GOOD LUCK & FLOW YOUR HEART- BUT LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD TOO

rev_henry

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

She's 16, you're 17. How long have you been together? How can you be sure either of you won't change your feelings in a few weeks/months? 16 year old girls are notoriously fickle in their affections. You are both far too young to be mapping out a future together.

18 months, as I said before. I do understand what you're saying but, I know it sounds cliched, but we're not like other couples of our age. We don't just meet up in town, hold hands, go make out on the bench etc, w/e, then go home, if you see what I mean, we want more of a relationship than that.

Bogof_Babe

So what do you do together then? The things you list would be what most young couples do, as you're not old enough for pubs and clubs, and probably not wealthy enough for eating out.

Sorry I failed to notice how long you have been together. So since 14 and 15 then. Blimey!