Leaving home at 17

rev_henry

lynzpower wrote: »

So what if it does go wrong? Why do qwe all seem to avoid things that "might" happen for the fear? Whats the worse that can happen? He is still young and has the rest of his life to go at should this relationship end ( of course it might but then again it might not )

My advice is simply go for it! You only have one life, do not waste time! You might get ran over by a bus tomorrow and then what? You will learn lots, and that wil be your strength

If OP cannot get work in the shop ( i presume this has been discussed for his keep) then Im sure he can find work elsewhere. OP seems to be an ambitious young man who knows what he wants- and clearly has accepted that it COULD go wrong, but might not and he hopes not. After all any of us that are in relationships have made that leap from "it might go wrong" to "I dont care if it goes wrong I have to give it a shot!"

My family & freinds felt I migt have been a bit crazy when OH & I started talking about living together on our first date. We lived together in my flat after 8 weeks- engaged on week 9. We are still together nearly 4 years on, and are planning to be together forever. My family adore him, his adore me, and we have never been happier. Yes life throws up its challenge- but how you cope is the most important thing. OP certainly seems very open ( and wondering how to approach his mum who is awkward) and thats the most important thing- being clear on your feelings, what you want and being able to be supported.

I shudder to think what would I could have lost if Id taken the conservative advice I was given. I really would have missed out.

If you are in full time education then the family allowancew and any tax credits can be claimed by your girlfreinds parents. EMA is definately payable, although it MIGHT depend on the income of the parents-0 worth having aq look on the websites to see entitlement!

GOOD LUCK & FLOW YOUR HEART- BUT LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD TOO

Thank you so much for that Lynz, it was so positive! And congrats on you and yours going so well. :T

I've already checked EMA, it WILL be payable at same rate REGARDLESS of gf's parents income. Since Sept 08, once your assessed your guaranteed it at the same rate for 3 years, regardless of change of income etc.

rev_henry

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So what do you do together then? The things you list would be what most young couples do, as you're not old enough for pubs and clubs, and probably not wealthy enough for eating out.

Sorry I failed to notice how long you have been together. So since 14 and 15 then. Blimey!

Well as we live so far away we generally just sit on the phone for hours each day rambling on about anything and everything and generally enjoying each other's company. See what I mean?

and we do get out to eat occasionally!

lynzpower

Incidentally my mothers brother and his wife had thier first kiss at 13.they were each others 1st boyfreind & girlfreind They are still together now and my uncle is coming up 47 this year. they have 2 wonderful kids, my cousins, and have had many successful years of marriage.

It can and does happen.

rev_henry

lynzpower wrote: »

Incidentally my mothers brother and his wife had thier first kiss at 13.they were each others 1st boyfreind & girlfreind They are still together now and my uncle is coming up 47 this year. they have 2 wonderful kids, my cousins, and have had many successful years of marriage.

It can and does happen.

Tell me about it, my GF's parents met when they were 13 as well and my gf's the youngest of 4 sisters.

Nikabella

I did a very similar thing to this when I was your age.

At 16, for the first time, I got into a serious relationship. At 17 my parents threw me out as they decided I was no longer being a 'good girl' basically. I was in the first year of my AS levels & although I was an A*/A grade student they decided that I was spending too much time with my boyfriend & not enough on my school work/with them. There were some very important reasons why I was spending so much time with my ex but I won't go into them. Anyway, my ex's parents let me move in with them & continue 6th form. I didn't have to pay any board as my ex's mother was determined she didn't want any whilst I was a student, however, the father resented this.

To ensure I had enough money to support myself I worked 3 jobs whilst doing my AS/A levels whilst my ex didn't work at all really (shame on him, I know). However, though everyone gossiped about how it would never work with us being so young/living together etc our relationship blossomed. I have absolutely no regrets about moving in with my ex, it was the best time of my young life. After about 15 months of living with his family we moved out & got our own place, we lived on our own & supported ourselves for a further 2 years. We were together 3 & a half years and our relationship broke down only because my ex got very ill, eventually he moved out & I went on to live on my own.

It is now several years on & I now have a wonderful DD and fiance, however, given my time again I would not do anything differently with those years I spent with my ex. Before my DD was born I made peace with my parents (not that they ever backed down, I simply decided that resenting them would only damage me & it was easier to try to forget), however, I would urge you to do everything possible to not damage the relationship with your mother/father if you have a healthy relationship with them. If I was you, I would write your mother a letter, explain to her why you want to do what you're planning, tell her you still love her & don't want to hurt her but that you really want to give this a try. Explain to her that you want to talk this through with her & that you are prepared to listen to her concerns. As a mother now, I know how hard I would find it if my 17 year old DD wanted to leave home, I would be really devastated but this would be because I love her, I would miss her & I would be worried for her. A mother's love never ends.

PS. I probably sound really old but I am only 23 so I remember exactly what teenage love feels like!

Sorry my post is so long, I hope you haven't fallen asleep reading it!

HTH

A.x

Silaqui

Hello - just a couple of comments and food for thought.
If in the long term you are planning to go to uni and live together whilst she works, remember you will be liable for things like council tax (albeit with 75% discount) and your girlfriend will effectively be supporting you though you studies - that can put alot of pressure on a relationship.

Definitely set some ground rules and things with her parents - from the way it comes across it seems like you are entirely sure whether you will be able to work in their shop (sorry if I'm way off the mark there) and so if not you will need to be sure that you can contribute to all the bills and things.

It's a big move - don't completely cut off contact with your own parents. It seems like things are a bit strained there at the minute, but if you do move you may find it changes things. Me and my mum were never really at loggerheads but we are MUCH closer since I went to uni and moved out.

Good luck whatever you decide to do
x

Rachel83

My OH moved from London to live with me in Leeds when we were 17. still together now we're both 25 have 1 DD and a bump on the way

I guess his mum must have been horrified at 1st we'd only been together like 6 months but we are still going strong So if you find it in you go for it you only live once

Paparika

I left home at 17, i didn't have a good relationship with my parents at the time, thats why i left, i had very few friends because thats how my parents controlled me.

I made mistakes, learnt a lot, but still to this day (I'm 39) feel i made the right decision, you must tell your parents, but they can't stop you. (i think)

I did check with the police the day i left home to make sure that i couldn't be dragged back by my parents, i was told a person could leave home at 17 or was it 16 without the parents consent.

Your parents may not agree with your decision, but you need to go into the big bad world at some point, just have contingency plan just in case it doesn't work out.


Good luck

Quote

OP - I don't know you, I don't know your Mum, and I don't know your Dad. I have no idea how you should approach either of them about this subject, but I wish you all the best.

Take it easy.

rev_henry

Thanks again everyone! It does seem to me that people who have done this are all saying go for it, whilst those who never have and would never consider it are saying its a bad idea.
nikabella - no I didn't fall asleep, on the contrary! Of all the stories people have told me yours seems the one closest to mine. My parents, I think, think I spend far too much time on the phone to my gf, going to see her etc, and I don't think they really take it seriously. STILL after 18 months? I mean come on! Of course they would never kick me out or anything like that though. Would you mind if I asked if your move affected your studies and A level grades? This is really important tbh, I need straight As or A*s for vet school. Yes you can now get A* grades at A level; my year will be the first lot it will apply to, btw!

GF has been begging me to tell my Mum, mainly so I can get college sorted out etc, so I'm really going to try tomorrow

Silaqui - thanks for that. Do I take it that if neither of us worked we wouldn't pay any council tax then? I know she will be supporting us both financially, but we've talked about it before and agreed that its ok because when I (hopefully!) graduate from vet school I will then be the main earner for the rest of our working lives, so it seems fair to us
Yes, I'm not quite sure how its going to work with me working in their shop etc, but GFs going to ask her parents about it tomorrow so I've got that covered
No I won't cut off from my parents, of course. You're right it is a little strained, although SOOO much better than it was before my parents split 6 months ago. Its my Dad who doesn't take our relationship seriously etc, much more than my mum, you see.

Congrats Rachel, and thanks for the advice.
I have an OK relationship with my parents paparika, but not really fantastic. Tbh my relationship with my gf has put strain on my relationship with my parents. They don't seem to accept that I'm getting older, and yes I will hav a gf etc. I'm an only child so I do understand it, but I'm getting fed up of it.
Sorry if I'm not making too much sense anymore, I'm tired!

And thanks Quote, I appreciate the goodwill and support.