Leaving home at 17

Savvy_Sue

Bobs_Job wrote: »

Personally I still believe in happiness in life style before work. Work to live don't live to work.

Which leads me on to ask: does the OP REALLY want to go to vet school, or is it just one of those nice ideas once can have at that age, before the reality of needing absolutely top grades and the work involved in getting them kicks in?

I do think henry needs to answer that question for his own benefit now. Because if he REALLY wants to go to vet school, then that's GOT to take priority over his g/f right up until he's got the grades he needs to get in. Otherwise, for at least the first few years after that, he's going to be wondering "What if ..."

I know one delightful young man who wanted to go to medical school, right up until he had to put the work into getting those top grades. He is almost certainly bright enough to have got the grades, and he did revise his plans BEFORE putting his UCAS forms in, but even then he only got a place to do one of the sciences through clearing. I don't think he has any regrets, as it happens, because he certainly enjoyed his time at sixth form, but the decisions he made have limited his choices. And this decision will limit yours.

And I agree, domestic ineptitude is amusing for only a very short period, while you're learning. You can only turn someone's best cream underwear a murky mushroom colour once if you want to live to tell the tale. And I have had my revenge on his white shirts.

rev_henry

OMG...my mum's discovered this thread...think I might just...crawl into a hole about now....knew I shouldn't have left it automatically logged in on the computer or w/e... anyways I must sleep now! Thanks again guys.

Savvy_Sue

:o:o

Hi rev_henry's mum! Give him a list of life-skills to master before you can even consider letting him leave!

violagirl

Thanks for all the advice you've given the Rev (my son)! much of it really good.
I have just learnt of his recent plans. I just feel very shocked and upset.

lynzpower

:hello: Violagirl

You say yu feel shocked, but rev henry seems sure its been so obvious that they want to be together? Have you broached the subject with him before?

Oldernotwiser

Bobs_Job wrote: »

Aye, I've just been scrolling through other parts of the thread. Just added an edit to my post to clarify.

Personally I still believe in happiness in life style before work. Work to live don't live to work.

For many jobs/careers that can be true, but missing certain careers can always leave a hole in your life if you don't achieve what you could have done.

ailuro2

rev_henry wrote: »

OMG...my mum's discovered this thread...think I might just...crawl into a hole about now....knew I shouldn't have left it automatically logged in on the computer or w/e... anyways I must sleep now! Thanks again guys.

If you couldn't face up to your Mum and talk to her like an adult would, then are you really grown up enough to consider moving away??:p Instead you left the thread open for her to find. University of the bleedin' obvious there...



I agree with the getting engaged / planning for the future thing... gives you time to grow up / get through a bit more education / get set up for the future instead of going at it half assed.:rolleyes:

ladypinkof66

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

She's 16, you're 17. How long have you been together? How can you be sure either of you won't change your feelings in a few weeks/months? 16 year old girls are notoriously fickle in their affections. You are both far too young to be mapping out a future together.

I agree with you here my nephew is slightly young he will be 16 shortly only a year difference however I could not bear to think of him moving into a girlfriends house at such a young age - i am only in my early 40s and dont think i have an old fashioned view on things however i would be horrified to think a child of mine only 17 who is seeing a girl of 16 moving into the same house - I think you will have a hard time trying to convince your mother it is a good thing - and I wish you all the luck in the world !

Savvy_Sue

violagirl wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice you've given the Rev (my son)! much of it really good.
I have just learnt of his recent plans. I just feel very shocked and upset.

Of course you do. Now, take a few deep breaths, and think about it. If you do what I'd want to do (shout, scream, lock him in his bedroom and throw away the key), he will find a way out and he will hate you for ever.

Remember, you're his mum. Just about whatever we do at some stage is wrong: it's in the job description. We are destined to ruin their young lives, we deliberately set out to do so. Again, it's in the job description.

So, make sure that he knows that NO-ONE will ever love him as much as you do. And you want the best for him. You know (deep down) that you won't ALWAYS know what's best for him - if he were 27 rather than 17 and wanting to interrupt his studies to move in with his g/f we'd be saying rather different things to him and to you about this situation. But the 'mother knows best' lines are hard to hear at this age.

If you know this girl's parents, can you talk to them? Even if not, is it worth a chat? They may be as uncertain about this as you are, but not know quite what to say to either your son or their daughter. We all know the "everyone else's parents lets them ... " mantra, but I've only found one family where it seems to be true!

Now, another few words to the rev: if you're a fan of House, remember, everyone lies. (Actually let's say everyone except your mother for now.) This particularly applies to your school, and to the college you're interested in. At least, they will both speak the truth they want you to hear. The school will say that you are self-sabotaging your A level results. The college will say that you are not. Both will present their statistics in the best possible light: the school will point to their illustrious line of Oxbridge students, and the college will show you how many of their students do equally well. But if you're a bright boy, you'll know there are lies, damned lies, and statistics, and all either of them can give you is statistics. And all that matters for this situation is not how some statistics pan out, but how YOU will deal with this situation. Which no-one can predict.

However, I'm going to make one suggestion: thinking about how you and your g/f feel about each other, has anything changed recently? We know you've moved into 6th form, which is historically a time for enhanced freedom, fun and frolics (discovered from one of DS3's teachers that DS2 was renowned as a poker player!) Whereas your g/f has gone into her final year of GCSEs. Maybe she's feeling a lot of pressure: sees her friends pairing up, thinking about 6th form, mapping out a future. You said she's NOT planning to go to Uni: is she feeling insecure, not knowing WHAT the future holds and looking for SOMETHING to hold on to? And the best thing she can see is - you?

BTW, I sent rev a PM (personal message) last night - have you found that facility? Don't worry mum, I wasn't suggesting he should elope!

andromache_2

Hiya henry,

Much of the advice you've had already is great, from people with much more life experience than me

I just wanted to add my story: I got into a serious relationship in 6th form as well and am now in my second year at university - we've been together almost three years. We're at uni at opposite ends of the country. He wanted us to go to uni in the same place but I'm like you and have a career I really want to do and I knew I would regret compromising it if I didn't aim high (I'm at Oxbridge). Of course we miss each other and in an ideal world we'd be living together already but we know that there's going to be an end-point when we'll both move back down to London after we've finished studying, and in the mean-time I'm still ridiculously happy with him. Our view is that we plan to spend the next 60 years living together so having a couple of years when we spend a lot of money on train journeys is no great hardship; there's no rush. Given that it seems likely that this move will harm your grades and hence your chances of getting into vet school and given the impact on your mother, you should think very carefully about why it is that you're so keen to rush into living together and whether it's worth it. I totally know what it's like, though; my OH and I had pretty much agreed with each other that we'd be getting married within about 3 weeks of going out with each other so I'm not questioning your commitment to your gf - just suggesting that since your commitment is so strong your relationship can withstand another year apart. Good luck with everything