Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

sandy71

Hi, I haven't been here before. I have a long term condition and was put on a "wonder" drug that was supposed to help. Instead it caused me to get more and more depressed and my behaviour to get more and more irrational until I had what the doctor called a psychotic episode.

I am now reducing this drug and starting a new one but I just cant see an end to it, I have lost my best friend because of what happened and I feel so alone. My husband has been great but its not the same. My GP asked if I had thought about harming myself and, because hubby was there I said no but I think about it a lot.

I have ruined everything and feel so desperate. I know its what I deserved but I can't seem to stop crying.

dmg24

Hi sandy71,

Please don't think things are your fault - I don't know your background but I would be very surprised if you had done anything to cause being unwell.

Sometimes medication can cause side effects that nobody expects, even within the medical profession. I was one of the unfortunate people that became suicidal as a result of taking Seroxat in adolescence (thankfully I got help before things went too far), but as a result of the episode I lost the partner that I expected to spend my life with. I was absolutely lost at the time, but eventually realised that if he could not stick with me through the bad times, maybe he wasn't worth my upset?

Friends and loved ones should be there for each other in the bad times as well as the good. Please don't blame yourself, it is you that deserves better, not your friend that left you when times are tough.

Perhaps you could talk to your GP without your husband, or if not, write him a letter? You would be surprised how many people tell their GP things that way!

crazy_girl

sandy- im sorry to hear youre having a bad time. please tell the doc the truth about your thoughts. depression/ psychosis is an illness, i very much doubt you do anything to cause it.

sandy71

Thank you for the support.

I know I didn't cause my original illness and I have since found out that what happened is a well known (though rare) side effect of this drug. I just think I should have tried harder to stop it happening. I'm so confused by it all, I just want it all to go away.

I have seen the GP since without my husband but he has never asked the question again and I'm too scared to bring it up in case my kids get taken away.

I miss my friend so much, I would normally be telling her all this but now I'm alone.

dmg24

They won't take your children away because you want to self harm. They may ask if you have thoughts of harming anyone else, but even if you had, they would work with you to resolve your problems before removing the children from the family home.

Maybe a little note to the doctor would be an idea? Then he can bring the subject up, much easier than trying to find the words yourself.

Hope everyone else is well, would love to say that I am loving the sunshine today ... but I'm not! Got an email from the hospital to tell me that I have a new psych - the 4th one this year, so we're back to square one again. I am a great advocate of the NHS, but I do wish they could find a way to retain staff!

sandy71

dmg24 wrote: »

They won't take your children away because you want to self harm. They may ask if you have thoughts of harming anyone else, but even if you had, they would work with you to resolve your problems before removing the children from the family home.

Maybe a little note to the doctor would be an idea? Then he can bring the subject up, much easier than trying to find the words yourself.

Hope everyone else is well, would love to say that I am loving the sunshine today ... but I'm not! Got an email from the hospital to tell me that I have a new psych - the 4th one this year, so we're back to square one again. I am a great advocate of the NHS, but I do wish they could find a way to retain staff!

Its not really self harming I'm thinking about. I just feel everyone would be better off without me. My original diagnosis and the subsequent problems caused by the medication has turned my family upside down.
Life for them would be easier without me in it.

crazy_girl

thats exactly how i feel about my husband sandy, i get so upset when i think about all the extra stuff he has to do that an ordinary hubby wouldnt but he assures me that his life wouldnt be better, he says 'i didnt have to but i promised a bald man to love you forever!' (weve been married exactly two months today and the register was bald hehe)

LadyMorticia

Heya guys.

Thanks for the replies.

OH's sister is speaking to me and being nice to me now.:rolleyes:
She's very fickle so time will tell.:rolleyes:

I've tried instigating doing things with her e.g. shopping but I think she sees the age gap between us as an issue (me being 22, her being 15).

I am determined to try with her though. I won't give up at the first hurdle.:o

Now I shall read back through the thread at everyone's else's posts etc.

x

LadyMorticia

I just want to offer everyone here a massive hug.

I'm not very good at advice at the moment but you are all in my thoughts.

crazy_girl

the last few days have been okish, me and hubby went to the table top sale on sunday and made a bit of cash then i walked barky and took out my avon orders in one fell swoop.
i got really upset later on and ended up falling out with hubby who flung his wedding ring half way across the flat but we made up but unfortunately i was in the bath at the time so i got all stressed about not being clean and he had to watch me wash to make sure then go look for his ring!
today was up and down, i met my mate for dinner and found out that the probs her son is having at school are 10 times worse than i first thought and it turns out that there are only me, hubby and her mum supporting her. its difficult to knwo what to say in such situations and i felt very helpless and cross with myself for not being able to help her more.
Drama went ok, the other workshop leader is still treating me like an idiot not a qualified teacher which does my head in but she wont listen to reason so i just gotta grin and bear it
how is everyone else today?