Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

black_paw

favorite thread has been shot down ........feel so upset , been stuffing food down like no tomorrow.....look 9 months gone and feel sick ....head feels like going to explode.......will try pamper session and quick ...............

KittyBoo_2

Sorry for this negative start to the week but I have come on here because I'm getting myself in a right state now.
I have a Drs appointment at 11 but feel as though I am wasting her time.
I am surviving on anti depressants, sleeping tablets and morphine pain killers.
My life is a mess and I feel really desparate.
I am overweight and now started making myself sick if I eat anything that I class as not being healthy.
I don't know if I am cracking up totally but if I had the guts I think I could end it all.
There seems no point in keep struggling miserably through everyday.
I don't know what's wrong with me butI just don't seem to be getting any better.
I used to be full of life and now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know what to say to the Dr but I feel as though I can't just keep telling her that I am having my good days and bad days.
Hope you are having a better start to the week than me.

whitevanwoman

Hello all, I hope everyone survived the weekend ok, especially Millyaulait - I hope you weren't feeling too bad yesterday and that today you've been able to make an appointment with your doctor.

KittyBoo - I know what you mean, I've got to walk up to the surgery between 11 and 1pm to pick up a prescription which I desperately need today but I'm still in pjs and putting it off as the thought of just seeing people and talking to people is making me anxious. The fact that you are on ADs and other meds means that you are not wasting your doctor's time, and what you have said in your post clearly demonstrates that you are not well and need support. It's probably too late now but why not print out what you have posted and give it to your doctor to read if you feel you can't say things or don't know what to say. Your mood is obviously still very low so maybe your doc needs to change your meds or increase the dose. It's not easy to accept that the way you feel is actually part of the illness and I often find it hard to tell my GP or CPN things as I don't realise that they are symptoms and I have got so used to living with these feelings.

Looking for positives, you do say that you are having good days aswell as bad days and that is a huge positive. I'm sure you have probably been through times when every day was a bad day so to have some good days (even if only now and again) is a definite step forward. Gradually, and probably without you realising, you will find that you are starting to have a few more good days than bad days.

I keep a daily mood diary where I record from 1-10 what level my mood is each day. I try to do it the same time each morning although my moods can vary tremendously within 24 hrs but it has helped me to see that I do have better days, more often than I realise, and it has also helped my GP to see how volatile my moods are and to understand what triggers mood swings. I've done it on Excel and it automatically generates a graph, so if you want a copy of the spreadsheet to give it a try, PM me and I'll send you a template copy.

Paparika

Kitty hun have a hug.

Make a list or print out what you've just said and hand it to the doctor, do you think that will help you?

I have doctors appointment tomorrow, that should be interesting, i can't get out of the house.

black_paw

Paparika wrote: »

Kitty hun have a hug.

Make a list or print out what you've just said and hand it to the doctor, do you think that will help you?

I have doctors appointment tomorrow, that should be interesting, i can't get out of the house.

thats a very good idea to print off the stuff ! :T

KittyBoo_2

Just got back from Drs and she is going to refer me for some more CBT.
I felt really stupid but went ahead and told her about the constant critical voices in my head and she asked if they were inside or outside and whether it was my voice or someone elses.
I said that they were mostly mine, criticising what I was eating, what I should or shouldn't be doing and they were on the inside and she said that's ok then.
She continued with my regular anti depressants and that was that really.
Thanks for those of you who replied to my earlier post.
It really does help to be able to talk to others who have experienced similiar things.

LameWolf

I was going to come on here and basically whine (!) about how I've been the last few days but having done a bit of a catch-up with the thread, I fear I'd drag you all down into the pit with me, so I'll just say "Hi everyone" and go and sit down again.

crazy_girl

theres up days hopefully on their way soon after all these down days

huge hugs to all who need them

System

whitevanwomen-you inspired me to go out and buy some bubble bath so i can have a nice relaxing bath later!

KittyBoo-i can relate to having the "critical voices", the only way i could describe it was like i was having bad thoughts (telling me i was a bad person, to hurt myself etc) as opposed to voices per say, i always refer to it as "bad me", they did try me on a small dose of Olazipine but it didn't really help.

Lamewolf-tell us don't feel like you'd be dragging us down, might help to get it off your chest?

Paprika-is there anyone who could go with you to the doctors appointment?

blackpaw-how are you feeling now? did the pamper session help? p.s. the doggy is your avatar is adorable!!

crazy_girl-thanks for the hugs, and hopefully yes there will be up days

LameWolf

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Lamewolf-tell us don't feel like you'd be dragging us down, might help to get it off your chest?

Thank you.:o

It's all silly really, I suppose.

We're going to visit the Anglian Wolf Society this Sunday - it's our 6th wedding anniversary - and the couple (friends of DH) who were coming with us have let us down, so I'm feeling down about that (always suspected they didn't really like me).

I have a mega-stressful day tomorrow; there's a chap coming in the morning to fit a video system so that I can see who's at the door before using half of the days "spoons" (you know the Spoon Theory?) getting up to answer the door. I desperately want it put in, but I absolutely hate having people in the house. DH will be home as he's got tomorrow off, but it's still nerve-racking for me.

Once that's over, I have to visit the rheumatologist. That's scary in itself (the woman terrifies me) but also, I've prepared a Word document with all the stuff that's been going on with my lupus lately, and doing that has depressed me (much like fillingout DLA forms gets people down cos you have to actually focus on what's wrong with you iyswim). Plus they'll make me have a blood test and I have a serious needle phobia.

On top of all that, I've been in a lupus flare for over a week, so not getting anything done at home, and I feel bad about that, as DH works full time and is having to do my share of the housework as well.

I'm stressing about DH's forthcoming birthday - he wants to have a celebration at the pub, and I don't know that I can cope with it. It's not until December, but I'm already stressing about it.

Just feel I want to cry all the time for no good reason. Ah well, I guess we've all been there.