Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

crazy_girl

msmoose, i am crazy but not a stalker and i wanna give everyone on here suffering a big hug too

pipkin71

crazy_girl wrote: »

i do that to myself too, i think mental illness is treated as shameful and you should be embarrassed about 'allowing' yourself to be ill by society and that makes it worse

but its not your fault, its just an illness like any other

Agree with that crazy_girl.

My main health problems are physical, so something that can be seen. My physical problems cause problems with how I'm feeling though, and they're difficult for others to understand, yet are just as real as the physical problems

After a bad night, I'm not feeling great today

black_paw

hugs to everyone and hope today is better than yesterday

KittyBoo_2

msmoose wrote: »

Even though I don’t know you I just want to reach out and give you a big (((hug))) don’t worry I’m not some weirdo stalking crazy person... although I was named a crazy Brit this year by a pop star... (don’t ask...) ... have you ever been offered anything like therapy or CBT?
Before I was admitted into hospital in May I was in the worse place possible... there was no future I was a day away from ending my life which I had so perfectly planned. I spent 10 months in group therapy and worked through so many of my problems which really helped but at the same time I watched my mum get sicker and sicker before me and she passed away in March, that was when I hit rock bottom and gradually in between chasing a pop start manically around Europe my mental health grinded to a halt. I was under the care of the crisis team at home for 10 weeks but they were not much help, it was Auntie who was reading my online blog who realised how serious I was about ending my life who got me admitted to hospital, I spent three weeks there....
Now three months on things are looking up, I’m on a better drug regime thanks to my Psychiatrist and I am starting college next week to do a course I have wanted to do for many years but would never commit to because I was too busy caring for my mum. As much as I am looking forward to college I am equally terrified my mental health will fail me and I’ll fall at the first hurdle and won’t be able to keep up. If I can’t do this I don’t know where I’ll end up but I have to try... I hope to go onto university next year if college is successful.
My diagnosed is Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a history a Depression, Self Harm, OCD, Rapid Cycling Moods, PTSD & Binge Eating. I honestly think if It wasn’t for what I learnt in therapy over 10 months I wouldn’t have been able to handle my mum’s death as well and I wouldn’t be here now.
You will get through this, you just need the right support, care and help. Depression is a illness like any other illness and needs to be treated correctly. It takes time to recover.

Thanks very much for your reply.
I am glad that you are able to take positive steps forward and that you got the support you needed.
I have had CBT and have been using the techniques I learned there, but to be honest I feel as though I am getting worse.
I have noticed I have started doing things which I think might be classed as OCD and like you, I am also a binge eater which is bad enough on its own.
Everything just seems to be mounting up and now I can't handle work I am struggling financially.
I have panic attacks for no apparent reason and don't see anyone socially.
My family think I am still off work due to a thyroid operation I had.
My family are grown up now and I live alone.
Some days I feel as though I can't get out of bad and then I beat myself up for being lazy when other people are at work.
On and on it goes.
Terrible place to be in.
Thanks again for replying.

millyaulait

Hello~
I don't want to impose on this thread but I really need some help.

I'm on Lofepramine right now, and have been for about 4-5 weeks now..
Unfortunately I have never felt so low as I am right now, I feel like the Lofepramine is making my depression worse - I've gotten over the first 1-2 weeks of horrible side effects, and usually by the 3rd week I would be feeling at least some change in my mood. Well I do suppose there is technically a change, but it's obviously not a good one.

I'm terrified in case I keep getting worse and worse on these meds, I can't call my doctor to talk because it's too late now, and tomorrow is Sunday and the doctors aren't open.. Not to mention I probably wouldn't be able to contact them even if it was Tuesday Morning right now because I have horrible social anxiety. I have trouble just opening up my front door or answering the telephone.

Does anyone know what I can do?

I know it takes time for meds to kick in (I've been on my fair share beforehand), but I am just really terrified. I could not possibly be able to deal with feeling this low for any longer, let alone if my mood continues to disintegrate.
Would it be incredibly stupid to go up to the hospital and ask for help?
I don't want to look like I'm crazy or to be admitted or anything, and I really dont want to waste the hospital's time, I just really really need help. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this.

Any help would be extremely appreciated, sorry for intruding on the thread. x

black_paw

sorry to hear the med are not working, for you .is there a help line at doctors to ring ? out of hours service ? that could help ? if not i would go to the hospital for advice if your feeling so worried . better to be safe than sorry

whitevanwoman

millyaulait wrote: »

Hello~
I don't want to impose on this thread but I really need some help.

I'm on Lofepramine right now, and have been for about 4-5 weeks now..
Unfortunately I have never felt so low as I am right now, I feel like the Lofepramine is making my depression worse - I've gotten over the first 1-2 weeks of horrible side effects, and usually by the 3rd week I would be feeling at least some change in my mood. Well I do suppose there is technically a change, but it's obviously not a good one.

I'm terrified in case I keep getting worse and worse on these meds, I can't call my doctor to talk because it's too late now, and tomorrow is Sunday and the doctors aren't open.. Not to mention I probably wouldn't be able to contact them even if it was Tuesday Morning right now because I have horrible social anxiety. I have trouble just opening up my front door or answering the telephone.

Does anyone know what I can do?

I know it takes time for meds to kick in (I've been on my fair share beforehand), but I am just really terrified. I could not possibly be able to deal with feeling this low for any longer, let alone if my mood continues to disintegrate.
Would it be incredibly stupid to go up to the hospital and ask for help?
I don't want to look like I'm crazy or to be admitted or anything, and I really dont want to waste the hospital's time, I just really really need help. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this.

Any help would be extremely appreciated, sorry for intruding on the thread. x

OK, take a deep breath and just count to ten...

then have a think about what kind of help you think you need at the moment?

I know and understand exactly how you feel as I have been going through the same thing over the past few weeks, waiting for meds to kick in and make a difference but nothing seems to be happening and the waiting day after miserable day just seems to get harder.

However, realistically, as I have learned over the past few weeks, there really is nothing that can be done to help unless you are admitted to hospital. I fought against that because I felt it would make me worse, and maybe it was the threat of being hospitalised that gave me a bit of a kick in the backside to do things to try to make myself feel better.

If it would help just to talk things through with someone, feel free to post here or PM me or anyone else for a private chat, or else ring the Samaritans. I think their staff are probably the best trained mental health specialists you can get, far better than most CPNs or Crisis team staff.

However, I know that sometimes I've had thoughts going round and round in my head non-stop for hours or days on end and I just can't face going through them all again with someone else, in which case you need some kind of distraction activity. Like others on this thread, I tend to binge eat which passes 10 mins, and then I'm so busy feeling guilty and sick, that I forget about everything else briefly. Same with self-harm. So these are not useful alternative activities.

What I have started doing is to force myself to spend a couple of hours having a pamper. It takes alot of determination to do it and quite often it can take several hours before I have managed to motivate myself to do it, but I go and run a lovely bubbly hot bath and put lavender oil or fresh lavender in it. Whilst the bath is running, I change my bedlinen and have a bedroom tidy up and get out clean pyjamas and stuff like talc, perfume, nail varnish etc. I light candles in the bathroom, put some music on, and take a good book and lie and read and relax for ages, topping up the hot water. Then afterwards I do all the pampering girl stuff, like giving myself a foot massage and painting my toes etc. I know its pointless as I'm on my own and our miserable summer means that no-one will notice my beautiful feet but it does make me feel a bit more human and relaxed and it has passed several hours and then it is nearly bedtime. And there is nothing nicer than getting into bed after a bath, with clean bedlinen, and feeling relaxed.

(I have just realised I have been fooling myself - I had decided to go for a bath half an hour ago and then I saw your post and decided to reply and I'm sure I'm just procrastinating... )

I'll tell you what, I'll go and get in the bath if you give it a try. It won't change anything except it might help you calm down a little physically and mentally and help you get a decent nights sleep, and then you can reassess in the morning and see how you feel then.

Do check in later this evening or tomorrow and let us know how you are... I'm usually always online (unless I'm in the bath) - another distraction activity, although I have suddenly become addicted to computer games. Uh -oh, another addiction...!!

Look after yourself and give yourself (and your head) a break... xx

millyaulait

black paw - Thank you, I'm not sure about the out of hours service, I've been looking at NHS24 etc though for some guidance but no luck so far.

whitevanwoman - Thank you so much for your response, it really helped calm me down. I'm going to try what you suggested, I'm also a binge-eater and self-harmer, but I've been doing my best not to do either of these things as they do make me feel 100x worse in the end. Maybe I should try being nice to my body for a change! I think distraction activities are the best thing for me at the moment as you said so I'm going to take your advice and roll with it and try to relax, thanks again~ (:

black_paw

whitevanwomen what a good idea to have pamper me time ...as hours fly by and your nicely relaxed....and the voices in head have slowed down to stand still..........my b/f pops round alot ,but to be pampered him self says it relaxes me ! (i want a turn---but he is hopeless --but least he trys ) big tough man now asks , its it time for face pack tonight or the creams stuff..and foot soak i think.nails are growing ....have cut on arm need the lotion stuff (tree tree oil /honey mix .im truly knacked after all this .and have good sleep like coma !

whitevanwoman

My bathroom is hot and steamy, candles are lit, music is on, so am off for a pamper session now. Although I am very torn between that and watching Johnny Depp in Pirates of Caribean on BBC1. Perhaps I can move the telly into the bathroom...???

Glad it has been of help.

millyaulait - I'll be around online tomorrow morning if you're still feeling bad and want to chat or just let it all out. Hope you have a good night and sleep well x